sabrinamari: (Pema)
Joyful moment: Pema quoting the Rolling Stones and cracking everyone up.

I love the way Buddhist teachers don't take themselves too seriously. They just open their mouths and whatever comes out, comes out.

I love Pema so much.

When she dies I will cry a river.
sabrinamari: (Default)
I like him.

What I like: he is very frickin' direct and brave, but thoughtful.

He just comes out and says what he is thinking without doing much impression management, yet follows up to make sure he has not agitated us and we understand him clearly.

Totally not scared to express his emotions and lay out what he is feeling. Also good with challenging us, but in a positive way. Sticks to his guns, but not mean.

Good on the snuggling, also appears to adore Chaya, very smart, very well-read.

Thumbs up right now.
sabrinamari: (We are family)
Fixed the cuddling and energy work deficit.

Abe gave me a 3.5 out of 4 rating for the extra sprawl in my nap today.

I feel I have progressed well.

Went to the farmer's market with Kelly and Chaya. Bought a jasmine, a rose-scented geranium, a 6-pack of Thai basil plants and two heirloom tomatoes: a Black Prince and a Green Zebra.

Also bought Chaya a rosemary plant.

Leaving a trail of Thai basils everywhere.

Later, swimming in a lake, walking and a belly dance performance.

Total relaxation has also resulted in a new collaborative women's retreat (with a tentative agenda and a preliminary ad campaign) and a greatly expanded herb garden.

Yet, it feels like we've just been all relaxy.

How does this happen? I don't know.

It's just the magic we do together.

Michael is playing "Angry Birds--Space."

Abe wanders behind him, glances over and says, "Dude, you've got your loaf on!"
sabrinamari: (Funny!)
Currently, I am loafing.

This is a good thing, a thing I don't do enough of.

While honing my loafing skills, I have engaged in the following:

* eating a fantastic sushi dinner with much laughing and very inappropriate body-related stories

* lolling about on the steps of Chaya's office, surveying the terrain with Abe

* getting up late and walking across the street to the grocery store to buy premium cheese and coffee (I really like being able to walk to the grocery store; wish I could do it so easily at home)

* driving into Northampton and go to the food coop, dashing through the aisles giggling with Abe, then with Michael, and then with Chaya and Kelly. Congregating inappropriately in front of the ice cream case, blocking traffic and choosing too many varieties to take home (very important)

* wandering about the streets getting lost while working out a communication difficulty with a friend---Michael eventually found me

* going on a fast walk with Kelly and Chaya, appearing to be quietly listening to them brainstorm, but actually sneak-facilitating the entire brainstorming session

* weeding Chaya's garden and expanding the plantable area, planting basil in reclaimed pots

* liberating 3 pots despite determined bitey ants: "No, ants!" I exclaimed, "I am not afraid of you, for I have been bitten twice by scorpions and countless stinging and leaf-cutter ants!"

* working through some of Danielle Laport's exercises in my journal

* co-cooking (so much fun) and co-washing dishes (not bad, either)

Applying a critical eye to these efforts, I think they are pretty good, but there is a big cuddling deficit with insufficient petting and energy work.

I'll have to get on this.

Happy sigh.
sabrinamari: (Default)
"Religion is at its best when it helps us ask questions and holds us in a state of wonder;--and arguably at its worst when it tries to answer those questions authoritatively and dogmatically."

-- Karen Armstrong

Fantastic quote!
sabrinamari: (Angel Temperance)
The lovely little rejection note from TED got me thinking on my drive into the office.

Over the last six months, I have accumulated quite an impressive little pile of failures. One or two even qualifies as epic, I believe. They span different parts of my life in nice, balanced way

Kind of impressive, really.

I've also had a couple of real scores, real successes.

Of course, one never knows what has happened until months or years down the line: the failure that cut deep at the time could turn out to be the most powerful stroke of good luck, and the shining success might be revealed to have a flimsy, insubstantial core.

You have to sit with a thing for awhile to really know what it means for your life.

So I'll have to watch carefully to get a real sense of whether my successes were truly fortunate, and whether my failures were actually missed opportunities.


I do believe that failures are a necessary part of birthing a success. The first step in learning how to do something is to do it badly, partially, imperfectly.

There is no cure for this.

Unless you are an unconscious competent, with an unacknowledged, pre-existing skill set, you learn like everyone else: by trial and error. And error is a necessary part of that equation.

So I am looking at my impressive pile of failures, wondering if I should keep an on-my-way list, a list of failures to roll my eyes over when I need proof that I am actually in the process of succeeding at something.

It would be even better if I kept a running evaluation of what I learned from each one, and what I will do differently next time. I could track this all the way from selecting opportunities and qualifying candidates through laying the foundation and building solid personal and professional structures from which to launch my dreams.

Not a bad idea.

I heard a quote once that really caught my ear. It was a piece of advice from someone who said something like, "If I had to do it all over again, I would fail faster, so I could get on to the successes sooner."

I like that.

Maybe I can learn to fail faster and more efficiently, causing less and less harm and enduring less and less pain as I go, until I figure out exactly how to build the successes I want.

And I do believe a new journal has now been born: the failure journal, from which I will learn how to succeed at the things I want to do, and do well.


May. 21st, 2012 05:01 pm
sabrinamari: (bein' a dork)
Hmmm, the universe does not want me to spend time with my co-author. Every time we plan an opportunity to get together, something intervenes: a death, a severe cold, a work responsibility, something. What is it about our collaboration that needs to be delayed?

I don't know, but that's life.

I guess I am supposed to get farther along in my chapter revisions or something---there's some reason I don't understand yet.

Big change

May. 21st, 2012 04:18 pm
sabrinamari: (Godhooks/Transformation)
I've been saying that I am going to leave LJ for the longest time.

I've been threatening to start a Dreamwidth journal forever.

Up to this point, I have conspicuously not done so.

I hate switching out big things and switching over from one place/thing/person I've invested in to another. It's deeply annoying to walk away from a big investment, which is probably why I dislike buying new cars so much. All that research, all that decision making, all that energy, and then you have to get used to an entirely new car. Drat!

However, since I had so much trouble with this regarding LJ, I simply asked someone else to help me do it.

If you don't have to sit there and remake the decision every second, it's much easier. It's tremendously easier to simply ask someone to do a big switch for you, so all you have to do, emotionally, is just stick by the decision you've made.

Thus I want to thank sleepymaggie for researching the options and backing up my LJ for me---all the way back to 2004---and then setting up a Dreamwidth account in my name.

I'm not leaving LJ in the sense that I'll still read it religiously and comment on my friend's posts. But I'll write from Dreamwidth now, since it automatically crossposts to LJ for me.

If you have a Dreamwidth account, you can add me there.

You are welcome to comment in either place.

Here's to big changes!
sabrinamari: (Default)

Spiff sent me the link to this article, which is both very simple---nothing new or unexpected here---but quite profound.

I have to say I agree with its central ideas wholeheartedly.

Reading it was fun.


Apr. 26th, 2012 08:37 pm
sabrinamari: (Default)
I am assisting in a pagan biography project, because I clearly do not have enough to do.

Read more... )

EDIT: Keith, you are gonna be so, so very sorry you missed this calendar party.


Apr. 26th, 2012 09:33 am
sabrinamari: (Godhooks/Transformation)
So, I'm sitting here working at all my stuff, and I realize that the end result of the last several months and all my recent choices is to feel as though I have become a genuine, honest, authentic and powerful human being who can be trusted to do well when things go badly.

I finally see that my instincts are pretty good, that I will be happier if I listen to them, and that I can and do live my beliefs successfully.

Even if I don't know exactly what am I doing, I know I'll work hard to do just the right thing and to be good to everyone around me while I do it.

I feel powerful, in the ways that power matters most to me. I feel like an agent, and I know I am capable of doing things my own way, even when people and circumstances around me seem to push against this.

I feel like a grown-up who does not have to lose her innocence.

I am capable of creating a truly beautiful and sweet life for myself. And though I value and love others, I do not depend on them for my happiness or my direction. Wow.

EDIT: Strangely, even though I think this is a year to rest and integrate, I also feel a little more like I can move ahead now, in slow, small ways. If I don't overreach or move too fast, I think it will be OK.
sabrinamari: (bein' a dork)
"Shit Life Coaches Say"

Laughing at myself hard.

Kelly posted this elsewhere in her gently (self) poking way, and I too am guilty as charged.

I almost collapsed laughing at the toilet/bathroom me
sabrinamari: (Default)
A very good career choice would be to gravitate toward those activities and to embrace those desires that harmonize with your core intentions, which are freedom and growth—and joy. Make a "career" of living a happy life rather than trying to find work that will produce enough income that you can do things with your money that will then make you happy. When feeling happy is of paramount importance to you—and what you do "for a living" makes you happy—you have found the best of all combinations.

--- Abraham

Being happy is tremendously important to me. I want to have joy in my career, joy in my side projects, joy in my spiritual life, and joy in all my loves and friendships. I'm not going to try to have *only* joy, because that's not a balanced life, but since I have a choice and my own free will, I will choose happiness when I can.

And there is so much happiness possible in the work I wish to do in this world!


Apr. 25th, 2012 08:30 pm
sabrinamari: (tiny seedling)
Driving home from my class, out of the blue, the strangest thing just happened. Something opened up in my head and whispered "Something sweet is coming. Something good.". And I just broke out grinning wildly, with this glorious feeling of expansion in my heart

I have no idea what it's about. I was just focusing on my class.

But this felt kind of like conjuring, only in reverse.

It felt like one of my invisible tendrils was being vibrated from the other end and I was receiving it, not sending it. It felt as though another magician was conjuring me.
sabrinamari: (healing)
Do not do what fear tells you to do.

Be cautious, be wise, investigate, reflect, communicate, plan carefully, be creative.

But when crunch time comes, when the emergency comes, do not do what fear tells you to do.

Even when it seems crazy, even when people you love and adore counsel you to do so, do not do what fear tells you to do.

We are often like the pilot in Pitch Black, who, faced with the horror of death and loss, reaches for the handle that will eject all the living passengers behind her. If she does not eject them, she fears, she'll never get the nose of the ship up before it crashes and explodes.

"I'm not gonna die for them!" she cries out in anger and anguish. In moments of fear, the easiest thing to do is take the action that our terrified hearts whisper will save us from the bad thing, the terrifying thing, the thing we fear the most.

But it is almost never the right thing to do.

I've learned it a million times and I learned it again last Friday.

In moments of anxiety, fear and shame, do not do the thing that fear tells you to do.

Money joy

Apr. 24th, 2012 07:40 pm
sabrinamari: (Element Money)

This has got me so full of squee that I simply can't express it.

It's a story about an elementary school on the south side of Chicago in an African American neighborhood. Kids in the first several grades are learning to invest via an actual portfolio they co-create and manage themselves, with adult help, funded by a donation from an investment company.

I have been fantasizing about creating a financial literacy program of this kind in an inner city setting for years.

Like, for *three* years.

If I experience any more pleasure today I am going to fall out.
sabrinamari: (Default)
Faints. Gets up. Faints again. Stunned. Very happy.


sabrinamari: (Default)

June 2012

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