Apr. 16th, 2012 07:37 am
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So, this is a big crazy week. Yesterday I cleaned the house from top to bottom, did all the laundry and put it away, cleaned the fridge, bought groceries and marinated and froze protein.

Now I think we can make it through the week, even though it looks like Michael is getting slammed during my busiest time in ages.

Left a flip chart page up on the wall with all my preliminary task categories, and Trent saw it and cracked up about it over breakfast:

Bite-sized and doable
Medium and less scary
Gigantic and terrifying
Weirdly intimidating

Go us!

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How do you feel about those things that you are giving most of your attention to? If there is something in your life that gives you negative emotion almost every time you think about it, we would do anything that we could do to get that negative thing out of our awareness.

--- Abraham

This is a good reminder of a basic magical principle:

You get more of what you focus on, so focus on people, things and opportunities that expand your world, treat you extremely well, and bring you great joy. Then give back the joy you are given 10-fold, and be grateful, so that even more comes your way.

The more you vibrate in harmony and goodwill, the more beauty will open itself to you.

I love the way this works in my life...

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So, the big meeting went amazingly well.

I put in so many hours of prep that one part of me isn't surprised, but most of me is still, actually, pretty surprised.

After my talk, there were many questions, and only one was difficult. I did OK with that one.

The next day, one of the folks called me and said, "You were really impressive. I felt like standing up and cheering after your talk."

So, good.

I have to say that I owe a debt of gratitude to many, many of you. I asked for a lot of help, and I got it in droves.

I needed that help because even though I am good at the talking part and strong in my passion for transformation and change, there was much I didn't know and much else I needed to provide. And many, many of you helped me, and are still helping me.

Thank you. I will not forget those who helped me. When you have need, I will be there.

Thank you.


This morning I woke up with this thought in my head: "I have eight days to make and upload my TED Talk application."

I've had the link for weeks, and [livejournal.com profile] divalion sent me a link to the New York page ages ago. I even posted a link on LJ for you.

Here's the crazy secret: I've been too scared to look at it until today.

Wild, huh?

This, more than anything, is why I need people who care around me: I need them to push me over that little edge of fear.

I woke up and told Michael, and he immediately reached for his iPad to look for the link.

We looked at it together and it's not that bad at all.

I even have access to a video of a longer talk I can potentially hack and link to in my application. I should have been on that already...

But we're on it today, now.

Next stop, TED 2013.

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There is no ground.

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sabrinamari: (Flaming Genius)

Read more... )

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Mar. 25th, 2012 09:38 am
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If you are either a graduate student or junior faculty member and want to save yourself huge amounts of anguish, get on Amazon.com and buy The Black Academic's Guide to Winning Tenure---Without Losing Your Soul.

I am currently on the chapter that explores the fit between your personal work and relational style and the institution's unwritten, informal organizational style and it alone is worth the time and cost of the book. If I had understood this stuff years ago I could have saved myself a tremendous amount of time and sorrow.

Don't be concerned if you aren't Black or Latino. The core of this book serves to explain how to best survive a university system as either a grad student or junior faculty, and that information is precious regardless of how race and gender have shaped you.

That given, if you are Black, Latino or female, this book will offer you even more of the information you need to thrive.

From now on, this book will be required reading for all grad students who want to work with me and any undergraduate who approaches me seeking mentoring.

If you need to function in an academic setting, you need at least some of the information in this book. If you are mentoring others in an academic setting, have mercy on them and read it so you are better able to support with with clarity, wisdom and practical advice.

Sarah, you probably need to read this as part of your post-Ph.D. healing process.

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Mar. 23rd, 2012 12:45 am
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After deep talks with Michael, I'm realizing that normally, I walk around with energy cords between me and the people closest to me. I imagine them as electrical cords with two plugs: one in me, and one in them. Right now it feels like I've pulled out all the plugs that normally live in other people, and I'm walking around with a bunch of unplugged electrical cords in my hands. They're still plugged into my end, but I'm just holding on to the bundle of disconnected cords as I wander through the world. Weird.

It's hard on Michael.

The thing I don't understand: my radar is still working, at least with some people. If I've disconnected a bunch of my energy cords, where are those messages coming from? Am I also embedded in something more like an energetic spider web, so I can still feel the threads twitch when somebody around me moves?

Something to think about.

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I am at the Abundant Life Church in New Brunswick. All around me there are people crooning, walking, murmuring and praying.

I am tearing up.

It is so beautiful. My heart is so full, watching these beautiful people sing and pray unashamed and unafraid. We are all so beautiful in the moments we connect to the divine.

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OK, passport is here. So where am I going?

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"Just as treasures are uncovered from the earth, so virtue appears from good deeds, and wisdom appears from a pure and peaceful mind. To walk safely through the maze of human life, one needs the light of wisdom and the guidance of virtue."

~The Buddha

This sounds like an airy-fairy pronouncement, but it's not. It's very practical advice. To create safety and be safe, I think it's important to orient yourself towards wellbeing for all (good deeds and virtue), because this creates the best opportunity for open, honest communication, carefully thought out decisions and, subsequently, the best possible outcomes.

To make good (wise) decisions, it's also important to be grounded, centered and reach for a peaceful mind---knee-jerk actions taken in anger and fear don't result in good decisions or good outcomes. In the long run, they lead to estrangement and sadness.

Fortunately, I don't think wellbeing and peace are the abstract qualities of a spiritual person. I think they're the practical assets that allow average people to make good decisions that pay off in longstanding ways.

Finally, I think that the more peace and wellbeing you possess, the less likely you are to create dramatic clusterfucks in your own life and the lives of those around you.

That's a pretty nice benefit, too.

Of course, this is my opinion---your mileage may vary.

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This morning I'm feeling inspired by a friend who has really struggled in a couple of areas in his life, but has managed his troubles through great anguish and anger, and recently come to a place of real grace.

He's had many setbacks and explosions, but I've watched him move from great reactivity to gentleness and sanity with others, especially when he is afraid and defensive. That's so hard to do! It's amazingly difficult to stay gentle when you feel threatened.

He has done a good job of looking at the destructiveness that comes from speaking and acting out of fear. Wow.

Watching him, I get a sense of how much his problems have motivated him to push past his old ways of relating. It's very useful to watch someone do this, especially when it's such a struggle for them, because it reminds me that I can do the things that are hard for me as well.

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I think this will be a good week for focusing on the things that are important for me to do in order to stay in balance: exercise, work, eat well and sleep as much a possible. It's probably a good idea for me to be less social and more responsible for my own well-being. If I could retreat a little bit from the world, I would.

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Dec. 1st, 2011 11:34 pm
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The talk was great. I'll write about it tomorrow. But tonight I was at a funeral directors' Christmas party, and there was a magician entertainer. The magician was very strange, but he had a white rabbit and a white dove.

After the show I went up to talk to him and said, "Your show was really nice. Do you think I could see your rabbit?"

He blinked at me in surprise, laughed, and pulled his rabbit out from behind the back wall of his set. He kept laughing the whole time, so I asked him if everything was OK.

"Sure," he said, "But I kill myself to put on a great magic show and all you want to do is see my rabbit?"

"It was a nice show," I answered, but he was right. I really just wanted to pet the rabbit.

It was soft and sweet, very beautiful and gentle. I petted it for a long time. I've never been close to a magician's rabbit before.

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Hello Siri!

Oct. 9th, 2011 02:42 pm
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My beautiful man Michael just figured out how to upgrade me to an iPhone 4S for $30. I'm dropping down to a 16G from a 32G, but now that I can use Stitcher and Pandora, that's not a problem.

Because Michael listens to the "We Have Communicators," "Mac Cast" and "Mac OS Ken" podcasts, he totally knew how to use Gazelle to trade in my current 3GS and replace it with the 4S.



[EDIT: Michael figured out that you might be able to get even more for your current iPhone if you sell it on Ebay.  It's something to think about.]

Yay, I get to talk with Siri myself!

I made sure, though, that I get to bond with her first. 'Cause every electronic device that comes into this house ends up adoring him, and it's only with great effort that I can get them to even look at me. So I get to snuggle with Siri first.

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I do my best thinking in and near water and surrounded by/held up by earth. When I can, I like to take a few minutes in the morning and float in the tub in just a little bit of water, so I can absorb and think. All kinds of insights emerge here, and there's something about the soothing nature of the water that eases all my stresses and allows my heart and mind to blossom.

I can't reflect properly unless I am calm.

Maybe that's why I put such a high premium on calming people, things and spaces.

Today's insights: (thinking guided by the the Chinese Element System)

I am doing really well with earth, I'm starting to do better with metal (slowly grasping how to set good, loving boundaries, oh so slowly...) and I am very delighted with air. Love the minds of those around me and all they have to offer.

I'm still pretty confused about fire, and I don't yet get wood at all.

I've been supporting and witnessing for two close friends who have much, much fire and noticing, again, how fire confuses me and sets me off my game a little bit. I understand it and love it as sheer raw movement, as dance, and as pulling through the divinity of the universe. Those things I know and love.

As communication, as passion, as frustration and as anger, it still confuses me. It's like my brain stops and starts, but works in fits, sputtering around and trying to get its bearings.

I still have work to do around this.

I guess that's OK.

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Jun. 30th, 2011 07:02 am
sabrinamari: (Funny!)

"A further sign of health is that we don't become undone by fear and trembling, but we take it as a message that it's time to stop struggling and look directly at what's threatening us."

~Pema Chödrön

It's nice to know that some of what you do is healthy.

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Apr. 6th, 2011 09:16 am
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Strange dream: I was back in college, and I'd been assigned a room in undergrad housing. When I arrived, my small room was bustling with roommates: all guys. I didn't know any of them, either.

"Wait a minute," I thought. "Isn't this a girl's dorm? Why did I get assigned boys? And why are there so many people crammed into this room?"

To make matters worse, I was on my way to class and couldn't do anything about it. I ended up running off to class with a friend, a girl, who was cracking me up and making me laugh about the craziness of things.

As we arrived at class, I looked over and realized that my friend was actually physically male and I hadn't realized it. S/he was so cool that I had simply overlooked it. So I just shrugged and we went to class.


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Happy birthday, honey. You are good student and a wonderful kind man.

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June 2012

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