sabrinamari: (Default)
[ profile] gwisteria turned me on to this fabulous article of particular interest to Latinas:

Sex, Politics and the Single Latina

Although my head isn't there at all at the moment, this *is* a great article.
sabrinamari: (Default)
In answer to someone's question, it refers to this:

"...a passionate sex life requires each person to face the anxiety of defining himself/herself while getting closer to their partner, a process [David Schnarch] calls differentiation.

Differentiation involves changing the way we think about...[relationships]: Instead of seeing ...[them] as the merging of two people into one, as has often been taught, we must learn to maintain a sense of ourselves as distinct from our partner[s] in order to become closer to [them]. Gaining more differentiation is not easy-and [David Schnarch] warns that any "expert" who promises Eros and intimacy in ten easy steps should not be trusted. Sexual encounters provide perfect opportunities to differentiate and develop the strength to love deeply."

I got this concept from working directly with David Schnarch a handful of years ago and it has served me incredibly well. Although I learned about it in the context of relationship therapy and sexual intimacy, I could immediately see how it applied just as well to non-sexual relationships like those we have with our parents, mentors, long-term teachers and close friends.

If you want to learn more about differentiation, I highly recommend that you read his book, "Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships".

In fact, I think it's required reading for 3rd Degrees and even 2nd Degrees, because the concept helps explains so much of the conflict that arises between students and teachers in long-term Craft relationships.

And for anyone obsessed with maintaining agency in intimate relationships, it's a must-read.
sabrinamari: (bein' a dork)
Dear gods, Awkward Girl just made a very unfortunate appearance at a workshop on cultural considerations around the use of the female condom. It is bad to be a medical anthropologist working with Latinas who could stand to learn more about the female condom. It is worse to discover this on front of a room of very savvy African American and Latina women.



On the other hand, this female condom (FC2) looks cool!

Things I did not know:

1. It covers a lot more skin and provides much greater protection than the male condom in this way.

2. It can be used for anal sex by taking out the inner ring. This is an off-label use, but it works.

3. It provides clitoral stimulation, and it's thinner than the male condom. It also adheres closely to the vaginal wall and conducts heat better, so it feels much more natural.

4. It can be put in way in advance.

5. You can use ANY LUBRICANT with it!

6. It can also provide additional stimulation for men, because the inner ring feels good to some.

Must check this out!

The workshop providers tell me there's an instructional video here:

Haven't seen it yet---will check it out later.
sabrinamari: (sex)
[Error: unknown template qotd]

Yes. OK, I have a funny story I tell in one of my workshops about how I came to like goatees.

Wait, it's kind of racy. Hmmm. I will think on this, then come back and add to this post as soon as I figure out how to tell this story in an appropriate yet interesting way.
sabrinamari: (Michael)
No clicky sans finale.
Read more... )
sabrinamari: (The Star)
Listen, I will tell you an awful secret,

A terrible heresy, a forbidden Truth:
This life is meant to be enjoyed.
We are here to play in the Garden-
To be ourselves, only more so
To make happy and be happy, love and be loved.
(Beloved, be Love!)

Say this and be damned,
Do this and be scorned,
Dare this and win!
Dance this life, grow drunken on it,
Make laughter your ally
In this alchemy.

All the biggest lies of history deny this:
Life is not meant to be suffering;
The addition of those words-
Click as tumblers fall, the lock moves,
Light shines around the edges
Of the door to Joy.

- 7/19/2004

[ profile] evcelt

I follow your instructions.
sabrinamari: (sex)
It is difficult to be a girl. Do you take corsets to a girl weekend? If so, how many? Faux button up only, or black silk with crystal droplets? Serious boned corset, too?

OK, let's apply logic here. Chances are excellent that I will be sharing clothes. Don't know what will look best on Chaya.

Voila! take corsets.


What was I thinking? Boys do not care what you wear, as long as it is cute, provides easy access and does not take too long to put on or take off. Girls care, very much. So, duh, take the pretties.
sabrinamari: (Man of Yumminess)
Today's Michael wisdom: "It's more about finding people to love who will accept your love freely and less about being loved in return...".
sabrinamari: (Tres geeky)
Spoilers. British science fiction. Be warned.

Read more... )
sabrinamari: (touch)
...that speaks truth:

We long for the familiar, the open
palm of love, its tender fingers.
It is our hands that tamed cats
into pets, not our food.
sabrinamari: (sex)
I have a really serious addiction. It's a bit strange for a Buddhist (/Pagan), and it's a tricky one to manage outside of festival season. It's an addiction to sexy clothes.

I think it's part of being an Aphrodite's woman. I'm guessing that if you work with her in any of her forms, this craving for sheer stretch lace, 100% silk sarongs and tiny leather skirts just comes with the territory. It's pure in the sense that I don't even need the approval of others to feel the pleasure of a beautiful, graceful, body-skimming outfit. It helps---it's very nice---but just the fact that glorious sensual clothing exists in the world and is on me---or someone else---makes me very happy. And I love seeing beautiful things on other women almost as much as I love wearing them myself. It just brings me joy.

Beauty makes me happy, in women and in men, and it gives me an almost physical pleasure to see others shining and reveling in their own glory.

Packing for Beltane is fun precisely because I get to indulge in this desire. And since I've been in this relationship, it's been even more fun (my previous partner wasn't into this sort of thing at all). As I'm trying things on to make sure of the fit I'll ask, "What do you think of this one? Was the last one better?"

Michael will slowly roll his eyes over me and say something like, "It doesn't matter. Neither one will stay on long enough to make any difference." Or he'll just grab me and express his appreciation very directly. Love it! It's so good to be with someone who really appreciates me and indulges my addictions.

This year, I'm even managing to keep what I bring down to a manageable level---not always easy to do!
sabrinamari: (Venus)
Heard at FoV Keeper's Retreat 1:

"When love beckons to you follow him, Though his ways are hard and steep. And when his wings enfold you yield to him, Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you. And when he speaks to you believe in him, Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden. For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning. Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun, So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth......

But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure, Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor, Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears. Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.

Love possesses not nor would it be possessed; For love is sufficient unto love. And think not you can direct the course of love, if it finds you worthy, it directs your course. Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.

But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires: To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To know the pain of too much tenderness. To be wounded by your own understanding of love; And to bleed willingly and joyfully."

— Khalil Gibran (The Prophet)
sabrinamari: (Venus)
Read more... )
sabrinamari: (sex)
Hey loves, I'm teaching a Pre-Conference at Beltane this year, and before registration closes, I want to tell you about it.

It's a topic I know inside and out, and I'll be spending eight hours exploring it with my crew. If you know me, you know this will be a hands-on, highly interactive experience well punctuated with moments of joy and fear.

If you know me, you know you won't forget it.

Breaking Through: Pushing Past Fear to Experience Pleasure

Many of us---probably most of us---carry fears that keep us from connecting with each other in intimate ways. These wounds can also keep us from exploring the deeper parts of ourselves. Instead of risking, tasting, touching and enjoying, we can find ourselves pulling back just when things start to get interesting.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. We can learn to push through fear and try all the things that scare us, building confidence as we go. This Pre-Conference will offer a safe space in which to do just that. Through individual, paired and group exercises, we’ll identify the things that keep us from enjoying everything that intimacy and sacred sexuality have to offer. We’ll help each other push past our fears and open up to pleasure, preparing ourselves to truly enjoy life’s greatest delights.

This preconference is open to couples, singles and groups. Participants should be comfortable with self-disclosure and arrive willing to speak honestly. Everything shared in group space will be kept there, and all participants must be willing to enter into a confidentiality agreement. Attendees should also be willing and able to engage in moderate physical activity and partnered energy play.

Bring a fresh, empty notebook, pencils or pens, a blanket and a comfortable chair. Although Beltane is a clothing optional event, nudity is not expected or required, and each individual will be encouraged to work within his or her own boundaries. Clothing should be comfortable to allow for freedom of movement. A brief Pre-Conference questionnaire will be sent to all participants via email about a week before the event.

Learn more here:

Register here:
sabrinamari: (Venus)
These are my favorites.
Read more... )
sabrinamari: (hard bodies icon)
Something else I've been thinking about---all the internal changes I've been making are having interesting external consequences. Over the last few months, I've been steadily losing weight. Some of it is about the stress of change---when I'm nervous, it's harder for me to eat.

Some of it, though, has been about something else. Historically, I've always loved refined sugar and sugary treats. I mean, they're yummy and delicious---and who am I to turn down sensory pleasure? OK, I have no ability to turn down sensual pleasure unless I'm feeling cautious and threatened. And sweets certainly qualify as sensual pleasure!

But strangely, the transformational process has changed my craving for sugar. I don't feel the need for it anymore, at least not in the way I did only a few months ago. Now, I can walk away from it for days at a time.

This week, I stopped eating it entirely when my body demanded that I do so (to be fair, my body hates sugar as much as I love it, and that helps me walk away).

Consequently, I dropped even more weight this week and felt better than I have in ages.

So...I think this is my body's way of saying, "Hey girl, you go right ahead and experience more pleasure. But sugar isn't what you really want, so don't be fooled. Go and get the sensual and emotional pleasures you're really after, and leave the sugar alone."

The more I think about it, the more I'm interested in listening to my body/mind when it speaks to me.

Good sex

Dec. 1st, 2010 11:39 pm
sabrinamari: (touch)
I won a T-shirt during the conference dinner, when River Huston gave her heartfelt, hilarious talk:

You can see the shirt at - middle of the page

I highly recommend going to see River if you ever get the chance.

At one point, she said, "HIV really improved my sex life. I'll give this shirt to the first person who can tell me why."

About five people before me answered her by saying things like,"It made you get really started giving/having more oral started using/covering each other with lube...etc." (which all sounded pretty good to me, actually).

I wondered if someone would give her my answer before she got to me, but no one did.

When she called on me, I said, "It forced you to talk".

She laughed and tossed it to me, saying "The T-shirt is yours".


sabrinamari: (Default)

June 2012

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