Life of Joy

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)

e. e. cummings

"why am I never with you when you are drunk?" asks Michael, on the phone.

"because I am never drunk, and when I am, you are never with me," I say.

and I am curled up on the couch thinking of the lovely evening I had with Stephanie and her roller derby queen sister, on a blanket in her backyard. And there was sushi and lovely elegant pastries and her sister told me many strange and funny things, and we laughed.

And then I remembered this poem, from my favorite 20th century poet, and it was good.

Home. Happy: deeply satisfied and full of heart.

...that speaks truth:

http://crytolos.livejournal.com/30454.html?view=28662#t28662

We long for the familiar, the open
palm of love, its tender fingers.
It is our hands that tamed cats
into pets, not our food.

Heard at FoV Keeper's Retreat 1:

"When love beckons to you follow him, Though his ways are hard and steep. And when his wings enfold you yield to him, Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you. And when he speaks to you believe in him, Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden. For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning. Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun, So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth......

But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure, Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor, Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears. Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.

Love possesses not nor would it be possessed; For love is sufficient unto love. And think not you can direct the course of love, if it finds you worthy, it directs your course. Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.

But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires: To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To know the pain of too much tenderness. To be wounded by your own understanding of love; And to bleed willingly and joyfully."

— Khalil Gibran (The Prophet)

This week has been sad and glorious. I have grown as a person, and I'm still grappling with everything I've learned.

Yesterday catpaw67, ludditeauthor, mage_imbroglio and I facilitated a tiny cremation service for Isaac, Phaedra and a few family members. It was so beautiful that it almost broke my heart. I am grateful that we were able to witness the passing of a truly great man and act as his honor guard!

While I am honored, I am also rather shocked that the task fell to us, and that we were entrusted with the care of Phaedra's lovely, kind heart in these fragile moments. Part of me asks, "Who are we that this should be so?"

I think the answer is this: we are representatives of a tremendous number of people who are grateful to Isaac and Phaedra, and whose lives have been graced---and shaped---by their work.

Blessed Be.