Note to self

[sabrinamari]

Do not do what fear tells you to do.

Be cautious, be wise, investigate, reflect, communicate, plan carefully, be creative.

But when crunch time comes, when the emergency comes, do not do what fear tells you to do.

Even when it seems crazy, even when people you love and adore counsel you to do so, do not do what fear tells you to do.

We are often like the pilot in Pitch Black, who, faced with the horror of death and loss, reaches for the handle that will eject all the living passengers behind her. If she does not eject them, she fears, she'll never get the nose of the ship up before it crashes and explodes.

"I'm not gonna die for them!" she cries out in anger and anguish. In moments of fear, the easiest thing to do is take the action that our terrified hearts whisper will save us from the bad thing, the terrifying thing, the thing we fear the most.

But it is almost never the right thing to do.

I've learned it a million times and I learned it again last Friday.

In moments of anxiety, fear and shame, do not do the thing that fear tells you to do.

Comments

[rio-luna.livejournal.com]

oh girl, this weekend, despite the voices of the Invisible People yelling in my head, I acted out of fear every time, and not only did not get what i wanted, but ended up feeling LESS safe and a LOT less sovereign than iof i had held my tongue and "just love, and be silent." I showed mky ass and displayed the least lovely aspects of my personality. trying to forgive myself has been hard.

but acting out of fear, nope nevewr the right answer

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

rio, rio, my love and respect for you will never cease, and neither is dependent on some mythical ability to refrain from acting in fear every time you are tested.

You are worthy and good and beautiful and deserving of love and respect--especially of your *own* love and respect---no matter what you choose in the terrible moments when you are tested and the shit hits the fan.

What is most important and most critical is the ability to learn from your experiences and reflect upon them in ways that give you access to newer, wiser, less fear-based choices next time.

That is all that is required and all that I need to see in order to keep loving you and respecting you. If you can learn from your past mistakes in ways that make you stronger, wiser, more capable, more compassionate and more able to wield your way through the world with courage, tenderness and restrain, you've won my loyalty.

Hugging you!

Please put down the stick and do not give shame a chance.

Instead, write out instructions to yourself for next time, and get on with being the woman who is not fear's toy, but is strong in her own sovereignity.

[showingup.livejournal.com]

You OK?

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

Grinning...sweetie, I have established that I am now moderately good at not doing the things that fear tells me to do. And I'm sort of able to tell when to hold back and when to act, but with kindness. I think that I may actually be a good person to have around when things get hard.

It feels *wonderful*.

happy dance...