Update

[sabrinamari]

Hanging in there. Last night I had important talks with two friends, each of whom really helped me to see something---more than one thing---that is really important.

Exciting news: I am working on getting a cool apartment, possibly with a friend. Hurray!

Ken and I are learning more and more everyday about who we are and what we really want. This is so hard. At least we agree that we still want each other, just not as spouses.

Still, it really hurts. This afternooon, he called me because he was sad and he missed me at the exact moment that I first thought "I feel so sad. I miss him," for the day.

Please please please let us get past jealousy quickly and effectively with each other in the years to come so that we can still be close to each other after we start seeing other people romantically.

deep sigh.

Comments

*huuuug*

[tigira.livejournal.com]

*huuug* Of course it still hurts. For goodness' sake, it's going to hurt for a bit, still.

Dealing with jealousy is never easy. Some folks are lucky and just don't have the wiring to experience it. For the rest of us, it's something we have to look at rationally. I know you know how to do that, but you may still want to punch a pillow every so often. My biggest warning there is do NOT compare whomever he dates to yourself. DON'T. Who and what she/he is does not reflect on you, whether you like her or not.

I know you know that. If you want, I'll remind you of that if you do the same for me...

Re: *huuuug*

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

Thank you. Remind me often, often!

I'll do the same for you, too, when you nedd it.

Hurting and Healing

[ingridsummers.livejournal.com]

Expect it to hurt for at least a year. Maybe two. Give yourself permission to feel that hurt for as long as it takes. It's normal.

No matter how rational and appropriate the steps you are taking are, it's an ending of a time you had together. You have to mourne that ending to have your new beginning.

Know I'll be here for you.

Re: Hurting and Healing

[oakleaves.livejournal.com]

This might sting:

Experience has taught me that it usually takes at least one third of the time a couple was together before each have truly moved on enough to feel completely and fully liberated from all the pain and angst of a breakup. Now, you and Ken each possess excellent skills together, and you have the benefit of having already begun Good Communication, so it likely would not be that long for you... but it could be something worth keeping in the back of your mind. Hugs.

[sligoe.livejournal.com]

Ahhhhh, yes............the tough part is watching your spouse become romantically involved with another. THen comes the doubt, the self-recrimination, the beating yourself up because you aren't as (insert WHATEVER here) as she is......Why didn't you make him as happy as she does? Oh---the questions can go on forever. Don't let them. Trust me, they will make you crazy. It has taken me a long, long time to realize that there is nothing wrong with me. Nothing at all. I am special just as I am----and so, dear heart, are you. The worst part of this process is that it hurts---no matter how right the decision to part is, it still hurts. There is confusion. Questions and more questions. In all of this---remain centered in yourself. Keep yourself safe from YOU. Don't let yourself get tired, or run down, or too sad. GO out often. Do one nice thing for yourself every single day---even if it's to go and get a Krispy Kreme doughnut! :)

Love yourself. Indulge yourself---just a bit. Lean on your friends. Cry. Cry some more. Smile. Laugh. Don't be afraid to be afraid or sad, and don't close doors before you open windows. Hold onto your faith and keep that light burning brightly---it will turn back the darkness.

And know that no matter what---you are loved.

Hugs!

[wild-place-king.livejournal.com]

Please forgive me for intruding. You seem like a really neat person. I am glad that sabrinamari has friends like you in her life.

[sligoe.livejournal.com]

No intrusion whatsoever! Thank you for your kind comments.....I have, unfortunately, walked this path more than once, adn finally have come to terms with it. I know what works, what doesn't---and I can finally offer support to those who need it, thanks to the wonderful friends and loved ones who have helped me pull through the same ordeal. It's that "dark night of the soul" that each of us faces at one time or another---and each of us needs to find the light that shines within. We just need to be reminded that it's there!

Blessings!

[sharrainchains.livejournal.com]

What an incredibly wise and helpful comment.

S, I am sorry that you are going through this. You are one of the most incredible women I have ever met. I don't think that anyone can encounter you without feeling your vibrance, love, talent, generosity, and intelligence. You inspire so many. I hope you follow your friend's suggestions to help you make it through. And if you need a road trip, sometime, grab citabria and come down this way! We have two spare sleep sofas, I understand there is a Bluestar South outpost in Takoma Park, and many who would be delighted to see you.

::hug::

[oakleaves.livejournal.com]

Blue Star Canada certainly has space for you as well, but you know that. :) And yes, travel to new places is great therapy.

[willowoak.livejournal.com]

This is hard work you're doing. But it's work that will ultimately allow both of you to grow in the ways that you feel you need to.

That doesn't mean that it doesn't (and won't) hurt. {{{{Sabrina}}}}

And keep in mind, you are special and wonderful...and a work in progress. If you need reminding, just call me. I'll remind you.