Rob says something smart

[sabrinamari]

http://www.freewillastrology.com/horoscopes/scorpio.html

Scorpio Horoscope for week of April 5, 2012

People in intimate relationships are hypersensitive to negative comments from their partners. Psychologists say it takes five compliments to outweigh the effects of a single dash of derogatory criticism. I'm sure the ratio is similar even for relationships that aren't as close as lovers and spouses. With this in mind, I urge you to be extra careful not to dispense barbs. They would be especially damaging during this phase of your astrological cycle -- both to you and to those at whom you direct them. Instead, Scorpio, why not dole out an abundance of compliments? They will build up a reservoir of goodwill you'll be able to draw on for a long time.

******

I will be careful.

Comments

[tigerweave.livejournal.com]

A psychiatrist who earned my respect over these things said to me that is the ratio for any emotionally healthy relationship, not just romantic partnerships, but parents and children etc.

And it isn't just words but all communication. So 5 positive messages to one negative.

(frozen)

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

I agree. To maintain the good feeling and positive flow of any emotionally healthy relationship, this ratio, or something close, is really important.

After so many years, I've also come to a place where I don't actually want to invest in relationships with a big proportion of negative, harsh, angry or judgemental communications. I just walk away. I don't want to be angry or hateful back. I don't think harsh communication means that people are bad. That's silly.

But it is deeply wearying to stay present with people over and over again while they pound on you emotionally. After a few repetitions of this kind of thing, it becomes clear that it's one of their patterns, and I should consider pulling back and letting them work it out with someone stronger, who has a higher tolerance for such things.

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

In my house of birth there were few positive messages and many, many negative ones. So I think perhaps this proportion is most critical in the first relationships you form---with your parents.

But change is possible!

Through a lot of experience, listening, watching, reading and learning, I've co-created something different. In my household now, we exchange many positive messages and few negative ones. Thank gods. I have no endurance for the other way.