"No one gets thrown away": What divalion has to say

[sabrinamari]

"I've been thinking a lot about the idea of everyone having something to contribute, everyone having a role in the world, of looking at people in an empowering way instead of thinking of people as needing rescue or being helpless. That we should never, ever discard anyone. No one gets thrown away."

I'm posting this here as much as way to remember it and have access to it as anything else. This rings so true for me...

She has more to say that's powerful and true in her post, but I won't steal her words. I'll wait till she's ready to say them out loud herself. They will be even more powerful that way.

Comments

From the Havamal

[the-smith-e.livejournal.com]

More blest are the living than the lifeless,
'tis the living who come by the cow;
I saw the hearth-fire burn in the rich man's hall
and himself lying dead at the door.

71.
The lame can ride horse, the handless drive cattle,
the deaf one can fight and prevail,
'tis happier for the blind than for him on the bale-fire,
but no man hath care for a corpse.

Re: From the Havamal

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

Can I tell you how fiercely I love this?

"The lame can ride horse, the handless drive cattle,
the deaf one can fight and prevail"

I promise you that in my weakest and most helpless state I am still able to recover, rise and burn with the power of 10,000 suns, and I believe that this is true of EVERYONE ELSE who pushes deep deep deep into their cores.

Re: From the Havamal

[the-smith-e.livejournal.com]

Now, how do we help those who just don't TRY?!? I see people around me who see only their limits and don't realize that those can FOCUS you to find the right thing. It is very frustrating. Or my other favorite philosophy:

"Man's got to know his limitations". Dirty Harry, Magnum Force

Re: From the Havamal

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

People are agents. They get to do whatever they want to do.

It's not our job to help anyone who doesn't want what we think they should want.

Plant seeds everywhere, water them lovingly, and focus your attention on the plants that actually grow.

Re: From the Havamal

[evcelt.livejournal.com]

It's not our job to help anyone who doesn't want what we think they should want.

One of the hardest lessons to learn, sometimes...

Re: From the Havamal

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

I think the philosophy is this: welcome those who come, do your best to love them, release those who go, and bless them on their way.

Whoever needs what you have will show up and keep showing up. Whoever doesn't will go away in search of what they do need.

I don't think we control that. I don't we should.

We control ourselves, and that's enough.

Re: From the Havamal

[the-smith-e.livejournal.com]

Postel's Law: "be conservative in what you do, be liberal in what you accept from others" (often reworded as "be conservative in what you send, liberal in what you accept").

Re: From the Havamal

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

That's precisely my approach!

[zestfive.livejournal.com]

Nice, Thank you for sharing this...I'm going to pull it in for me.

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

Good! Take whatever you can use with my blessing, now and always.

[tigira.livejournal.com]

Lovely. It is actually one of those things that frightens me - the idea of being a disposable person. I experienced it in various Christian denominations while in my search for my path. There are still elements of my self-esteem where my mind tells my heart that I'm only filling in space until the person the (X person or entity) comes along.

Thank you for reminding me that it was an element of being disposable, but not belonging where I was trying to stay.

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

You are not disposable, even if you are treated this way.

No one is disposable. No one is replaceable.

Each has gifts that only they can give.

[glenmarshall.livejournal.com]

Can we keep Dick Cheney for testing extreme BDSM gear?

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

laughing...

Gollum was critically important!

(Ooops, dorkiness is showing...)

[onyxtwilight.livejournal.com]

No, no, this is important. In many mythic stories, the role of betrayal is somehow crucial to the resolution of the story. Judas Iscariot is a classic example -- everyone deplores what he did, but if he hadn't done it, the sacrifice that is the foundation-stone of Christianity would not have been possible.

What's the lesson? I'm not sure. Maybe it's that the gods have a way of twisting tragedy into triumph -- or that we do, if we learn to look at the broader pattern. Maybe it's that the Fates know that no one would be able to see the beauty of the overall design if there aren't threads of contrasting colors.

But such things cannot be understood fully as they take place. Only by watching how the pattern unfolds from that point forward and judging it by the end results can we truly comprehend what happened.

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

I actually have a theory about this.

It's unprovable, of course, but I wonder if the people who present themselves to me as serious challengers and testers are folks who decided to take the really hard courses before they were born. I imagine them doing an independent study in Really Rough Shit in order to suck all the juice out of that experience.

I imagine them stopping by and collaborating with me while we're waiting patiently to be born and saying, "Sure. I'll help you out. I'll show up *here* and *here* to really push you hard and help you get yourself to the next level."

I imagine catching them much later in the sequence of lives and saying, "Wow, I know that was tough. Thanks so much!"

So I always suspect that my relationships of struggle are secret collaborations, and I've just forgotten the details.

It's as good a theory as any one else's, and it helps to explain why the biggest challenges are so often the most valuable learning experiences. Of course, I'm crazy, so feel free to smile at my wild imaginings.

[evaelisabeth.livejournal.com]

You know that is one of the kindest and nicest ways to look at a situation like that, I like it.

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

I think it's the Buddhist approach. Buddhists are very skeptical of the idea that people are essentially bad, or even evil. It's just not part of the paradigm.

So, even while I believe that monsters do exist (people who are so damaged and in so much pain that they actively harm others), I just don't believe that people are evil, and I certainly don't buy that people inflict pain because they are bad.

If I believed that, I would have to believe that I am bad, and I'm not. Duh.

So, it seems pretty obvious to me that people are basically good, that they inflict harm when they are trapped in pain and fear or just ignorant of what is optimal, and that it's a waste of precious human life to get all worked up about it.

Plus, sometimes you just need outside help to find your best self, and that help can't always be gentle.

[ingridsummers.livejournal.com]

This is very relevant to something I've been wrestling with lately. I have a woman in my life who I "wrote off". I'm trying to figure out if by writing her off, I've elminated the opportunity for change - in her and in some type of relationship with her. I'm wondering if I have changed enough that what used to be a problem for me doesn't need to be. And, if I am open to the possibility that she has change, am I willing to risk exploring that?

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

Take your time. What's the rush? These things are often best when they evolve naturally. You need to be ready, she needs to be ready, and there are 10,000 things you could be doing in the meantime.

If there's a really important reason to move quickly, do it. Otherwise, I think it's a good thing to let yourself relax about it, lessen your attachment to whatever stories you've been telling yourself about the situation, and give each of you a chance to grow.

I always need time to reflect before I embark on these kinds of explorations. Patience is really good.

[showingup.livejournal.com]

Stories about Odin turning up at various kingly halls and being maltreated, only to zap the inhospitable dork who didn't value the tired old man in the ragged clothes.

Stories about angels turning up at various rich households or communities and being maltreated, only for Yahweh to zap the inhospitable dorks who didn't value the poor and sick in their ragged clothes (this is the sin of Sodom and Gomorrah, explicitly stated throughout the Old and New Testaments: that they did not welcome strangers, did not provide for the poor and sick, but hoarded their own wealth and goods and services).

In Latin American nations, liberation theology leading people to help one another on the grounds that anyone might be the Messiah returned (and the Vatican getting very uncomfy about it).

There are stories throughout world cultures specifically warning against the concept of the disposable person. It's a basic truth that struggles out no matter where or when we are, despite all the weight of social expectations trying to crush it. It's like grass growing up through cracks in the road.