Junctures in the path

[sabrinamari]

Today I am working with my team to lay out a possible course for the next two years.

If I stay where I am, I see the likely course my path will take. I must ask myself if this is what I want. Is this path fulfilling, sweet, and full of heart? Will it take me where I most want to go? Will I be able to do my heart's work in this world? Will I be able to stay present for my family, my friends, my beloveds? Is this where I want to go?

In my birth family, too, there are junctures approaching. My father is not doing well. His health has been shaky for a few years, something I have been watching quietly, and with sadness. I love him so much, and I see where his choices have taken him. I don't know if he has regrets, but I see branches he never took, options he never explored, and self-loving choices he did not make. Now, he doesn't have many choices left. And this is his right. But it is sad.

So it seems that I must make the most of this year. I need to make sure I create time to spend with him. I need to make sure that I seek him out, and listen, and shower him with love, because the path he is walking is getting shorter and shorter, and that's just the way it is.

As I make my choices as work and at home, I need to keep asking, "Does this path lead to joy? Does it take me where I want to go? Does it reflect my values, my wisdom, my desire for peace? Does this path allow me to express who I truly am, and do my heart's work in the world? Does this path allow me to express the best of myself, and give and receive better than fair in every part of my life?"

Comments

[showingup.livejournal.com]

So much love from both of us.

T and I are both here whenever you want to talk.


I have some questions for my reiki teacher around distance healings for groups of people and for regularly "topping up". When I get answers, I'll let you know what she says. It may be useful to you in dealing with the tough stuff.

(Which reminds me: Must take my own advice and use reiki on a multitude of areas.)

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

Thanks, love.

[deboranter.livejournal.com]

With respect to your father -- he made the choices he wanted to make and they were his to make. Don't see what might have been -- hell he might have won the lottery if he'd only had the foresight to play every day, right? Instead celebrate the joy his choices brought to him -- and hell if he smoked and smoking brought him joy well jolly good for him.

This line of thinking hits me acutely because people (relatives mostly) say about me 'oh if only she ate less and exercised more or if only she'd finished college or if only she'd married or done this or that or any of a thousand things we knew would have been better for her' then NOW I wouldn't have the health problems I have (like somehow college or marriage can stave off rheumatoid arthritis). These were my choices to make and the choices make me who I am.

So don't see or regret the things he didn't do. Find the joy in the things he did do. Those things made him uniquely him. Celebrate his life -- the one he chose to live. After all it was his life to live. And at least one of those choices brought you into the world. Seems to me that that right there was a life worth living.