sabrinamari: (Funny!)
[personal profile] sabrinamari
I have just reached my quota of intensity for the week. I know it's only Tuesday, but what can I do? The quota has been filled. If you would like me to grow as a human being, you can try to get me to do it, but only if you are wearing a clown nose.

All serious discussions must now be preceded by internet cat videos.

Don't even call me unless you intend to start the conversation with a joke.

By humoring me in this---literally---you will be showing me respect and love.

And along these lines: http://phdcomic.livejournal.com/246560.html

Date: 2012-01-24 10:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wgseligman.livejournal.com
You left yourself wide open for this one:


So a priest, a rabbi, and a Wiccan HPS are walking through the woods. They come to a stream that completely blocks the path. The priest says, "Jesus could walk on water, but we can't. We'll have to find another way around."

The HPS says, "It doesn't look difficult." She walks across the surface of the stream and gets to the other side.

The rabbi says, "Now it's my turn!" He walks across the surface of the stream too, and joins the HPS on the other side.

The priest stares in astonishment. He thinks, "If they can do it, so can I!" He walks into the stream and plunges to the bottom. He wades across and emerges on the bank soaking wet.

While the priest is off in the woods, wringing out his wet clothes, the rabbi says to the HPS, "That silly priest! He didn't see the rocks just underneath the surface of the water."

The HPS responds, "Oh? There were rocks in the water?"


Now that you've had your joke: My dog died.

Date: 2012-01-24 10:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sabrinamari.livejournal.com
Funny. : )

Sweetie, I don't remember you having a dog. I remember two cats, one of which hates my guts.

Date: 2012-01-24 10:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wgseligman.livejournal.com
No, I don't have a dog. That was the punch line of the meta-joke.

Date: 2012-01-25 12:07 am (UTC)

Date: 2012-01-24 10:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wgseligman.livejournal.com
Also, don't take Shadow's attitude personally. He hates everyone. Except me and Joyce, and she's a cat-whisperer.

Date: 2012-01-25 12:07 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sabrinamari.livejournal.com
It's Ok. More Buddhist opportunities.

Date: 2012-01-25 12:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wgseligman.livejournal.com
Oh no! You said you wanted jokes, not growth opportunities!

So just for you, a dead cat joke:


Harry is going on a long trip abroad. He loves his cat very much, and he asks his brother Frank to take of it while he's away.

A week later Harry calls his brother and asks, "How's Fluffy?"

Frank says flatly, "Your cat's dead."

Harry cries, "No! Oh no! Fluffy, Fluffy!" He sobs, he screams, he yells. Finally he shouts over the phone, "HOW COULD YOU BE SO CRUEL!" and hangs up the phone.

A couple of days later Harry calls Frank again. "I'm really sorry I overreacted like that. I hope you understand that it's just because I really loved Fluffy. Maybe if something like this ever happens again, you could break the news gently and gradually.

"Like this: I call and ask, 'How's Fluffy?' and you say 'Fluffy's on the roof and he can't get back down.'

"Then I call back next week and you'd say, 'Fluffy fell off the roof, but I took him to the vet and things look OK and he'll be better soon.'

"Then next week you'd say, 'Fluffy's not doing so well, but the vet thinks things could still turn around.'

"Then the week after, 'Fluffy isn't getting better. I think you might want to prepare for the worst.'

"So the week after that you could tell me, 'Fluffy's passed away," and I'd be ready for the news, and it wouldn't be such a shock. Okay?"

Frank says, "Yeah, okay."

Harry asks, "So how's Mom?"

"Mom's on the roof and she can't get back down."
Edited Date: 2012-01-25 12:20 am (UTC)

Date: 2012-01-24 11:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] shades-of-nyx.livejournal.com
I'll send you some feline funniness STAT.

Date: 2012-01-25 01:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] justusgirlz.livejournal.com
How long does it take a team of anthropologists to screw in a lightbulb?
20 secs, plus 3 years to complete their field notes on the event and 10 years to publish the result.

>>> And . . . just because . . .

A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal brujo who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the brujo looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas?"

:D :D :D

Date: 2012-01-25 02:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sabrinamari.livejournal.com
Should I laugh or weep?

Silly question: always laugh.

Date: 2012-01-25 04:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] showingup.livejournal.com
"Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas?"




GROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNN

Date: 2012-01-25 02:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] arielmn.livejournal.com
Puns!

When Jesus entered Jerusalem, people waved palm branches because they were being frondly.

A farmer brought a bucket of milk to church so it could be pastorized.

An evangelist's effectiveness is measured in billigrams.

Promiscuous is the Greek Goddess of liberal favors

I met some cult members who worshiped soup serving utensils. I said, 'Oh ye of ladle faith.'

If a Monk throws a hissy fit, is it a temple tantrum?

Date: 2012-01-25 02:04 pm (UTC)

You asked for it...

Date: 2012-01-25 05:04 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dubiartos.livejournal.com
Ok, so I'm unconcerned with serious posts. I'm dealing with my Neophyte pre-babble. I like cat videos. Umm, suffer?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-qPGHn4iHKk

Date: 2012-01-25 04:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] showingup.livejournal.com
I was walking down the street when I saw a friend getting into her car. I said, "Can you give me a lift?" She said, "Of course! You're still young, bags of talent, and the world's your oyster - go for it!"

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