Nothing is what you think it is

[sabrinamari]

I'm learning crazy much right now. Mostly, I am starting to understand some really abstract teachings from the inside.

I've often thought that nothing can replace the learning you get from experiencing something and then sorting it all out for yourself. Being told this or that thing is helpful, but living it is where 90% of the benefit comes from. That's right where I am now: really living things I've only looked at from a bit of a distance.

I like to focus on cheerful things, on resilience, and on pressing forward. While they are very important, it's also unimaginably useful to sit with failure, collapse and loss. There are some lessons you can only learn from that place, and they are really important lessons.

This morning I found myself whispering, "Wow, I'm really grateful for this...I never understood this before, and I never would have, either, if this opportunity to suffer had not presented itself to me."

Almost immediately I said, "WHAT? Did I just say THANK YOU for this? Holy shit, what the hell am I thinking?"

And then a quiet, internal voice responded, "Yeah, you just said it. And can't you see how valuable this lesson is? Not just in a theoretical way, but in clear, absolutely concrete terms?"

And yeah, I can.

I can see it. And seeing it brings me something like peace.

Comments

[the-smith-e.livejournal.com]

That which does not kill us makes us stronger. :)

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

Or something. : )

[bobby1933.livejournal.com]

Your experience of your experience is great!

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

You have to do something with all this. Otherwise, what's the point?

[spiffnolee.livejournal.com]

I'm learning crazy much right now.
Ow!

I'm glad you can grow, but still sorry for your "failure, collapse and loss." May you never want for love.

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

Thank you. Shit happens.

In the meantime, there are many good things to be done.

[sligoe.livejournal.com]

Every single experience prepares you for the next one. Many people react with horror when I tgell of my eye surgeries---they can't imagine having a needle in the eye, and it really squicks them out. But I tell people that if I can survive needles in my eye, surgery without anesthesia, loss of vision and balance and depth perception; if I can survive clinical depression and multiple divorce and the heartbreak of losing my children; if I can survive to be the age I am now, with everything that the world can throw at me---I can survive anything. And I can sympathize and empathize with most, because I've been there, done that, and come through it. Sadder sometimes, wiser and more compassionate always. To understand suffering and fear and pain, one must experience suffering and fear and pain.

But it only makes the joy and happiness and contentment that much sweeter!