Agency, colonialism and helping raise Trent

[sabrinamari]

I've spent lots of time this weekend with Trent, and it's been both good and important for me. Yesterday, we spent hours at a Barnes and Noble, reading and snuggling in comfy chairs, chatting about the books and magazines we were looking at and having a yummy lunch. On the walk home I taught him about the four suits of the Minor Arcana and explained The Tower and The Star. They seem like an excellent place to start, and he's been very curious about The Tower for weeks now. Later that evening he spontaneously put down his book and announced, "I'm ready to be quizzed now," and answered some questions about what he might say to a querant if he laid down the upright Tower and and upright Star, or the reversed Tower and upright Star.

Actually, Trent's been asking me to teach him Tarot for a few years now. I've said no again and again, because it just seemed like an inappropriate undertaking for a little kid. I mean, shouldn't he be concentrating on school and karate, for gods' sake?

But he has persisted in asking, and I especially honor persistence, so we got started yesterday. I figure we'll do a few cards a week, and when I lapse into Tarot-speak, I'll be particularly careful to explain what I mean to him.

This has inspired me to think about what I can give Trent that is unique to our relationship. What can I offer him that is uniquely something I can give, and yet is useful to him?

I already know some of the things on this list. I want to teach him to be a very competent money handler and money manager (because I was denied this training in the hopes that it would make me more docile and less likely to leave home). I want to teach him how to invest and build a well-balanced portfolio (because it's a great skill and a lot of fun) and I want him to understand what good nutrition and healthy exercise are about and how they can make your life a whole lot better (Michael is helping me a great deal with this).

I also want to teach him to recognize, understand and safeguard his own agency, and to support and respect it in others. This means that he'll need to understand colonialism and cultural imperialism as well as how to set and keep healthy boundaries for himself.

Some thoughts about this: a great way to help people grasp and integrate big truths is to tell them in the form of easily digestible stories. Anthropologists have known this forever, and in our particular culture, stories come in the form of movies.

So I'm thinking of starting him on Rabbit Proof Fence, which will clearly lay out for him what colonialism looks like on the ground and how it harms those under its influence.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rB-jkydqADg

The story also focuses on two kids who refuse to allow their agency to be taken away and who find ways to make their own particular choices. Finally, it's historical---a true story. I can't think of a better way to introduce Trent to the joint macro-and micro concepts of colonialism and agency.

Next, I think we'll go to Whale Rider, which again, gives him someone near his own age on which to focus.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fE7-_Z03Aw4

This story also provides a great set of lessons on gender roles and gender-based oppression, as well as offering some glimpses into the intergenerational impact of colonialism and cultural imperialism. And it's a Pagan story, full of imagination and magical realism, which i think will really enchant him.

I want to show him Bend it Like Beckham to help him understand more about the strains of standing between two cultures and the struggles that first-generation immigrant kids face as they try to make their way forward in the world.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XsmbObwStSQ

Plus, it's absolutely hilarious and probably my favorite.

And because it's both North American and amazingly insightful and funny, I want him to see Smoke Signals.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z4GthKmraXQ

This film also deals with alcoholism, and Trent needs to be fully armed in this respect. I really want him to understand something about addiction and alcoholism as he gets older, because his family tree has grappled with this issue for multiple generations back on both sides of the family. While I can't make his choices for him---nor would I want to---I can sure as hell can give him the theoretical background he needs to discover that his choices might be different/more constrained than those of other kids who pulled a different set of genes from the genetic lottery.

I'm thinking, too, about what else I can give him. He already understands altruism and the importance of having "enough and enough and enough to share," because he's been lending with me on KIVA for several years now (he likes to lend to people who run grocery stores that sell sweets---go figure!).

Also, any other suggestions about what to offer him and how to do it are welcome, now and always.

****

Additional good options for later:

Empire of the Sun
Life is Beautiful
Billy Elliot

Comments

[gwisteria.livejournal.com]

omg this is my favorie topic but i have a million things to do today so i will just start by saying a great movie to accompany smoke signals is a movie called powwow highway it is about native amercians trying to do things from many generational points of view and incorporates Don Quixote in the metaphors

[bobby1933.livejournal.com]

I wrote a rather long comment then accidentally erased it. But here is an all too brief summary.

Books: The Colonizer and the Colonized by Albert Memmi;
The Wretched of the Earth, by Franz Fanon; Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee, by Dee Brown; Blood on the Land, by Rex Wyler;

Movies: "The Savage Innocents;" "The Mission," "Apocolypto" (very subtle);

[tigira.livejournal.com]

"The Mission" is still one of my favorite movies.

[bobby1933.livejournal.com]

Me too, i really love that movie. The archbishops statement. "No this is not the world as it is, but the world as we have made it" is one of my all time favorite movie quotes.

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

I love "Apocalypto" and will happily show it to him as soon as I think he can handle it. I have to be careful and sensitive with him. He gets spooked by scary things easily---last week I took him to the Madame Tussaud's Haunted House event in NYC at the invitation of justusgirlz and although he went through with a group of us and someone holding his hand, he burst into tears after the first floor. Poor little guy, it was just too much for him. I took him out the back and down the stairs and we waited till the rest of our group came out. I don't want to give him nightmares.

But when he's a little older, I will absolutely watch it with him.

Spoiler Alert.

[bobby1933.livejournal.com]

The Mission might also be a little much for him. I cry everytime the Guararo community is destroyed and the children wander off into the woods by themselves, let by a twelve year old.

But "Savage Innocents" is, as i recall from fifty years ago, pretty tame. Early on a polar bear is killed. Later the Inuit man's wife is harassed (not sexually) and a key point in the film is where the Inuit man kills a white Catholic priest who declines an offer to sleep with his wife (just a little cultural confusion that went way wrong). One must be able to see that the main point is not that the Inuit violate Canadian law but that Europeans have intruded upon and created total chaos in Inuit culture. This is demonstrated when the Mountie, when he has the opportunity to arrest the killer, does not do so.

[showingup.livejournal.com]

I LOVED it when Grandma read tea leaves or palms. I'm only sorry we didn't have proper teaching sessions. If Trent's interested, even if only for a few days, he'll soak up the information he can soak up, and it will stay with him.

When I was a kid, I devoured books on Arthurian and British and Irish and Norse mythologies, and based around them. Rosemary Sutcliffe's 'Eagle of the Ninth' trilogy; Mary Stewart's Arthurian trilogy; anything by Alan Garner (get him 'The Wierdstone of Brisingamen' and 'The Moon of Gomrath', and tell him you know someone who lives close to Alderley Edge and he can come and see every place in the book when he's older); Susan Cooper's 'The Dark Is Rising' set; collections of folk tales... It's amazing how many folk tales involve boys his age, and we both know how sci-fi/fantasy by people like Octavia Butler and Ursula Le Guin are really all about these themes.

Some films I'd want a kid his age to watch:

Erik The Viking - The power of belief and the importance of seeing different perspectives

The Water Horse - Facing your worst fears and discovering that something terrifying can also be a friend... and that to love someone, you must set them free

Kes - A badly bullied working class English boy from a deprived mining town learns to trust himself through bonding with a falcon

'To Kill A Mocking Bird' - Because doing the right thing in spite of everything is something to aspire to

'The Princess Bride' - A cracking sense of humour, gathering your allies, and trusting your instincts are essential. Also, I don't think that word means what you think it means...

The Iron Giant - "I am not a weapon!" Still makes me weep

They're all about finding your way through obstacles, understanding how the weight of social norms and expectations can be dealt with in creative ways, trusting your guts, seeing how minorities of various kinds get stomped on out of fear, and the importance of allies and love and truth in the face of apparently overwhelming odds.

[wgseligman.livejournal.com]

A big "me too" on Iron Giant. I thought about suggesting that one too, although it has little to do with colonialism (though something to do with colonics). I'm glad you suggested it.

[showingup.livejournal.com]

A man of exquisite taste! :)

For me, 'Iron Giant' is about a lot of things relating to agency and colonialism:

* The belief that it's not only OK but a moral imperative to take over any technology you conceive of as dangerous for your culture's use against others because, well, damn it all, Those People can't be trusted, and we're patriots who are automatically morally superior

* The abuse of authority - by adults, by townspeople, by the state - and the need to stand up against it

* The strength needed to stand for peace against militarism and love against fear-driven rage and paranoia

* The social pressure to see The Other as a threat, and to label resistance to it as unpatriotic and treacherous in order to enforce compliance and shut down dissent

Also, the whole issue of dealing with death is a huge part of the film - coming to terms with the fact that there are very real consequences to our actions, particularly the patterns of violence that extend beyond the physical. Really well and sensitively done, without BS or talking down to kids, which is crucial.

And then there's the big core issue of empathy, the missing ingredient when it comes to controlling others; building up empathy is key if we want to be sane people in a sane world.

There are so many layers. It's just one of the best "kids" films around.

The original novel's rather different in many ways from the film (set in rural England, the relationship between Hogarth and the Iron Man evolves in a different way, allegory for the Cold War rather than the Cold War as allegory for our fear of The Other, etc.), and deeply affecting - well worth reading if you haven't. I prefer Ted Hughes' prose to his poetry, oddly enough.

[bobby1933.livejournal.com]

I have to see this movie!

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

We've seen "Erik the Viking" and "Princess Bride" already. Princess Bride is awesomely funny and I had a huge crush on Erik when I was a kid (not the actor, just that particular character). I haven't see the other films yet. Thank you for suggesting them.

Now that I'm thinking about it, I probably read Tarot because when I was really small, my mom had a good friend from Monterrey, Mexico named Victor who used to come over and read tarot for her. I remember that I was super curious and I used to watch him do it and beg him to do it for me. Hmmmm.

[evcelt.livejournal.com]

Totally agree on "The Dark Is Rising" cycle and "The Weirdstone of Brisingamen". I also recommend "Odd and the Frost Giants", and "The Graveyard Book" by Neil Gaiman... also his poem "Instructions", which is what to do if you find yourself inside a faery tale.

The recent animated movie "The Book of Kells" is wonderful... it's about working in the face of fear to preserve beauty.

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

Tried the "Graveyard Book" on him---I so loved it. He didn't go for it. Did like Coraline, tho. And I will make sure he gets "The Dark is Rising" series ASAP. It was really powerful for me.

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

Hey, you posted a link to the "Instructions" video---loved it.

I will check out "The Book of Kells" and "Odd and the Frost Giants".

[onyxtwilight.livejournal.com]

And while we're on Susan Cooper (log another vote for all five books of The Dark is Rising, by the way, and don't buy one of those stupid boxed sets that leaves out the first book, there should be FIVE -- and do NOT let him anywhere near that RIDICULOUS movie they made, it's appalling), her standalone Seaward is also worth a look, and not difficult to pick up used.

Also another vote for Alan Garner, and Gaiman of course. And to those I will add:

Ursula K. LeGuin:
- A Wizard of Earthsea, and then let him read the others when he's ready. I read The Tombs of Atuan too soon, I think, and had to re-read The Farthest Shore years later to get it.
- The Beginning Place

Madeline L'Engle:
- A Wrinkle in Time
- A Wind in the Door
- A Swiftly Tilting Planet
- Many Waters

Roderick Macleish's Prince Ombra

Charles deLint's The Dreaming Place

And Clive Barker, would you believe, wrote a magnificently scary children's book, The Thief of Always, which is the best thing he ever wrote, IMO.

Oh, there are so many others that should be on this list! I'm tired, though. Maybe later. :-)

[evcelt.livejournal.com]

Totally agree about the movie. Ick.

The Tombs of Atuan is my favorite in the series, but yeah... it might not grab him right away.

Also agree on The Dreaming Place.

China Mieville (another "would you believe it") did a fantastic kids' book called Un Lun Dun.

Also, Steven King and Peter Straub's "The Talisman" is an epic and only moderately scary kids' book... wonderful stuff.

I also discovered Andre Norton's work about the same time as Susan Cooper... the "Witch World" series (my favorite is Warlock of the Witch World), The Zero Stone, Moon of Three Rings... classic SF and fantasy adventure, strong female characters, an emphasis on inner strength *and* cooperation, also an emphasis on reaching past external differences and establishing communication and harmony between different races...

[rowanmoon69.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure how old Trent is, but I am a big fan of literature in general. Some classic favorites that Frankenmoneky (gasp!) has read recently are "Treasure Island" and "The Dark Is Rising". We read "Wrinkle in Time" together several years ago when the movie (sic) came out and I felt it important to introduce them to the original. As for things such as Tarot, well, Lady Amber introduced the children to it several years ago and Frankenmonkey has been studying it since. I like all the things you are doing and all the suggestions so far...a lot of them I don't know and now have some things to look for to share with the boys. :)

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

Thank you for your input, honey. I loved the "Wrinkle in Time" series, too, and actually I think he's read a few of those. Have to check.

I read "The Little Prince " to him and his dad the first year I was in his life, but maybe should re-read it with him again. And he needs to read "Huckleberry Finn," for sure---a great introduction to many sorrowful and joyful things.

[akrissy.livejournal.com]

I'm glad to see Whale Rider on this list.
I would add Holes (movie) for a light but full of lessons. The Education of Little Tree may fit as well and it gets quite serious so maybe should be reviewed first. .

I'm going to make a list of these for growing my "Tante Krissy" DVD shelf!

[sligoe.livejournal.com]

My two cents---my kids LOVED "The Indian In The Cupboard". Loved, loved, loved it. "Iron Giant" was also a big hit. Also, get the "Narnia" series---each one is a different lesson in itself, and quite entertaining. I can't second loudly enough the "Wrinkle" series---I still pull them out and read them once in a while---it's like a tall, cool glass of water after the math desert! LOL

Most of all, let him lead you in the directions he wants to go. Develop a relationship with him that allows him to come to you with his thoughts and ideas in safety, and he will spill out his heart and soul. You'll know what to do because he will tell you---all you really need do is listen and work with him on his dreams.

Let him know your heart, too, and model those behaviors and interests you'd like to encourage and blossom in him. Being a good example is still one of the very best teachers around. :)

Above all--love him steadfastly, unflinchingly, and unreservedly. He will learn to do the same---and love is one of the greatest cures for the ills of humanity.

[evcelt.livejournal.com]

The "Narnia" series is in general quite good, but it's important to realize that Lewis put a lot of Christian allegory into his work. Not necessarily a bad thing, but something to be aware of and be ready to discuss with Trent.

Some have also found troubling stuff about his portrayal of the Muslim equivalents in the world (mostly in "The Horse and His Boy"), and some really archaic gender attitudes.

Other than the sometimes heavy-handed use of allegory, my real problem is that Lewis obviously didn't take faerie stories seriously enough.

[sligoe.livejournal.com]

All children have to learn that there are things out in the real world that may not be ideal. There is a lot of Christian allegory in Lewis' work, but I think it's mirrored in almost every belief system (yes, I know it's a can o' worms!) An intelligent child, with guidance, will be able to discern the kernels of truth in literature without putting that fine a point on it.

Wouldn't it be a shame to have children miss out on great stories just because there might be something in there that offends the parent? It's the same kind of argument that people made against the "Harry Potter" series, or a lot of the "banned" books of 1950s and 1960s. The trick is to read the book along with the child, and be available to answer questions---and to even ask a few questions as well.

I couldn't do that with my parents---they didn't understand the stuff I read, weren't interested in science fiction, fantasy, fairy tales. I giggle to myself when I think about reading Orwell's "1984" and what my parents would have thought about THAT book! So, I decided that I would read with my kids, ask and answer questions, and have them make up their own minds about what they were reading. I always told them that I couldn't think for them, or make decisions for them regarding their own lives. I would tell them my thougts, feelings, beliefs, and let them talk it out with me, and then decide. I have four voracious readers as a result---and they are always recommending books for me to read! :) We still have our discussions, and I see them doing the same with their children. Mission accomplished. :)

[evcelt.livejournal.com]

I like the Narnia books, and I read them (the first time) before I understood that there was allegory buried in there. I'm not saying that they should be X'd from the reading list... just that sabrinamari and Michael should be aware of the allegory (and investigate the other allegations I mentioned and make up their minds on those) and be ready to discuss them with Trent.

[angiedub.livejournal.com]

Saved it to read later at my leisure, but a terrific topic. It's important to learn agency at an early age, otherwise one gives away one's power not realizing s/he had it. Much harder to learn as an adult.
Risk-taking is part of learning agency also, knowing when to push and when to hold back.
Also, not having a good theoretical base allows the power-holders to distract you with social issues, i.e., marriage equality, prayer in schools, abortion rights, when "it's about the economy, damn it!"
Keep us posted. It's cool that someone this young is interested...cooool!

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much, Angie!