Stepping up

[sabrinamari]

This year I'm determined to provide more support to Trent as he enters the sixth grade. He is an amazing human: compassionate, kind, affectionate, silly, incredibly smart---just what I like. When he is focused, he excels: he loves to read and he reads at a speed that echoes mine. He loves to move and he is quite graceful, so he's brilliant at both karate and poi. He loves science and math, and he excels there, too.

He does not love writing, organization or pre-planning.

Here, I think I can help him. But I've held back for the last few years, both because I have little previous experience with kids and I had a really difficult encounter with his stepdad that discouraged me from even trying to contribute. Now, I think I've processed that old baggage and further, if I'm challenged again, I have the confidence not to step back.

I just ran a book over to his mom's and sat down to tell her that I wanted to be more involved. She was welcoming and kind. We get along really well most of the time, which isn't a surprise: she's a sharp woman and I get along extremely well with smart women. I'm not as confident that things will go well with Trent's stepdad, since it's usually much more difficult for me to connect with guys, even when they aren't angry and aggressive. Still, this is a good start.

After talking with his mom, I have a sense of what I need to do next: get a four-month erasable wall calendar, fill in his daily class rotation (there's a six-day schedule), and note when he's going to be gone on Boy Scout weekend campouts. He has three language arts classes: a French class that he loves (thank gods), a writing class and a general reading/language arts class. These days need to be highlighted so I know I'll be working with him during those evenings.

It's a start, anyway. This year, I think I can make a real difference in his life. I'm going to try.

Comments

[jasminewind.livejournal.com]

Organizational tip: I have seen these write-on/wipe-off calendars that are week long strips, you can erase last week and put it at the bottom and add a future week. If I were to get a fridge calendar, I'd do that, b/c you can update in small, managable bites. Having to do the big update of a monthly calendar is hard for me as an organizationally challenged person and this seems like a better system.

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

Hmmm, where did you see this?

[jasminewind.livejournal.com]

I saw it on a friend's refrigerator. I think she got it Staples.

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

thanks, honey

[wgseligman.livejournal.com]

Just a thought, depending on how computer-connected you want him to be:

He could use iCal on his Mac. It's there, and it's free. It can be connected to Google calendars so he can share his calendar with you and Michael... or not.

One reason to go this route is that playing with iCal and calendar organization can be a fun game. If you haven't already, ask to see my iPad calendars. It's a glorious color phantasmagoria of all the different calendars I have (work, vacation, medical, pets, rituals, games, festivals...).

Don't forget:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djQdI1t9_Ag

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

He loves computers, and so does Michael. I like paper. But I can grow...

I'll ask Michael to help him set it up when he comes back on Monday.

And as to Mary Poppins: I'll try. : )

[castalusoria.livejournal.com]

This might be very useful for his calendar of classes-- classes can be set up to repeat on a cycle, very handy? Saves having to enter the data over and over and over again. Harder to display "big," but you can print out copies to put on the wall, if you like.

[rio-luna.livejournal.com]

this is very cool. goodfor you for finding a way despite encouragement.

[diekonigin.livejournal.com]

Totally help him with pre-planning for his boy scout outings. You've got tons of festival packing experience. Even coaching him through making a packing list so he's sure he comes back home with his possessions would be huge :-)

[showingup.livejournal.com]

Having you in his life already makes a difference. He has a step-mother who models all sorts of healthy attitudes.

How cool is it, though, that he gets the benefit of your coaching? It sounds like it could be enormously enriching for both of you.

[sligoe.livejournal.com]

Organizationally-challenged? Hah! No problems! (grin)

Those were Jason's weak points as well. Get into the habit---and thereby get Trent in the habit---of using the STAR acronym. S=Stop. T=Think. A=Act. R=Review. I found getting Jason to STOP was the hardest part---Trent may be different. Once they can stop the brain from racing at two million miles an hour, they can then think creatively to plan their actions, put the action plan into motion, and then review to see if there was anything that they missed---or to congratulate themselves on a job well done. (Positive reinforcement is always a plus, especially when they can see it for themselves!)

And call me if you need other strategies. Having an ADHD kid has helped me in ways that I can't begin to describe, and given me many insights into how their brains work and how to help keep them on track when needed, or let them fly when appropriate. :)

Going to Mom is probably the best thing to do. Let HER worry about stepdad---that's her job. As long as she is on board with your assistance, then they can fight it out without you. LOL Don't forget, you're married to Trent's father, and that carries some weight, too. The stepdad is not the only one with a vested interest in Trent's education---and there are more ways than one to educate and stimulate a child's mind!

Hugs. It's a challenge, for sure!

[arielmn.livejournal.com]

I agree, you are already inpacting his life in great and significant way. This amount of help you want to do is very touching.