Writer's Block: You’re perfect, now change

[sabrinamari]

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No. I am not interested in loving or being loved for what could be. I am interested in loving and being loved for what is. Each of us will develop as we are meant to, and at each stage of that process, we are worthy of our beloveds' hearts.

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This doesn't mean that I don't believe in negotiation or in the setting of limits. I do. But that's a mutual process between two agents, not the imposition of one person's will upon another. I'm good with discussion, negotiation and boundary setting. That stuff makes me feel safer, and more loved. But just imposing my will and my ideas on another?

No way! Especially not as a condition for loving.

Comments

[wgseligman.livejournal.com]

You're definitely more mature than I am. I'm afraid I'm quite petty: There is one thing I would change about my significant other.

If I could force my will upon her, and change her to what I would choose her to be, then I would insist that she no longer be imaginary.

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

silly man

[evcelt.livejournal.com]

I would heal monsteralice's depression and associated problems. But only to make her happier.

[hypatia42.livejournal.com]

Interesting thoughts brought up by this. I discovered a while back that I can love someone I don't like and who is not good for me. I am willing to impose my will to set limits on how I am willing to interact based on what is best for me. Some of those are non-negotiable. Ex: if you smoke that does not mean I cannot love you, it means I cannot be around you while you smoke and that is your choice. I cannot be in a relationship with someone who is not good for me and will set that limit for my own health no matter then consequences. If someone does not live up to their end of the bargain in negotiation I will end it as well.

I guess what I mean is that loving is not something I can put limits on. My one choices and behavior is what I can put limits on and sometimes that is seen as me trying to change another when it is simply me not being willing to compromise on what is good for me.