Maintaining peace

[sabrinamari]

 
"The more we witness our emotional reactions and understand how they work, the easier it is to refrain [from acting out]."
 
  ~Pema Chodron

Comments

[ramchild67.livejournal.com]

I think I shall write this on a sticky note and put it on my mirror!

[the-smith-e.livejournal.com]

What is the Buddhist view on Rage/anger and how do they handle it?

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

See my answer to akrissy below for my thoughts on this.

[akrissy.livejournal.com]

But couldn't 'emotional reaction' also be a love. Does Pema's teaching also tell us to refrain from love since it is another form of attachment and would this be in conflict with teachings of Love one another?

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

No, she doesn't.

It's a common misunderstanding that all forms of Buddhism teach detachment from love. Part of the problem is the difficulty of translating Buddhist terms into English terms. The words often used to translate Buddhist ideas are "attachment" and "detachment", suggesting that Buddhists don't think it's a good idea to love or fall in love. But the sense of the word(s) we translate as "attachment" are really more like "collapse into", "grasp at desperately" or "cling to for dear life". It's this grasping and neediness that's the problem, not the wonderful, full experience of the feelings themselves.

The idea, as nearly as I can tell, is that a healthy approach to love or to *any* emotion---especially troubling ones like rage, fear or hatred---is that the best approach is an open one. In other words, don't try to stuff, eradicate or eliminate these feelings. Instead, stay open to them and adopt a stance of curiosity about them. Observe them---learn from them. Find out what they have to teach you. Accept them and don't judge yourself for experiencing them.

Instead, learn everything you can about your responses, stay open to what you are feeling in the moment, and *then*, instead of being carried away by some knee-jerk emotional response and doing or saying something that might cause harm, consider your choices.

Instead of collapsing into the anger, fear, rage or frustration, or grasping desperately at the love that you feel, feel them fully, explore them completely, and let the process of feeling keep on flowing so that:

a. You are open to the next set of feelings as they arise and can experience them fully too.

b. You aren't run by your emotions; instead, you have them, you accept them, but you CHOOSE your subsequent actions based on what is most useful and what will bring the most good.

So no, I do not think that Pema's approach to Buddhism is in conflict with teachings about love.

Thanks for asking about this.

[the-smith-e.livejournal.com]

Stoicism has a similar interpretation. Through habit, we learn to control our desires and aversions. I do not take it as far as Aurelius and Epictetus did but we must remember that we control our reactions.

[akrissy.livejournal.com]

we translate as "attachment" are really more
like "collapse into", "grasp at desperately" or "cling to for dear life".
Thank you for this. So often it is in the translation of words that meanings can get lost.

[pierceheart.livejournal.com]

"Sing, feast, dance, make music and love, all in My Presence, for Mine is the ecstasy of the spirit and Mine also is joy on earth."

I am no longer Catholic because (one of many reasons) I do not choose to wallow in self abnegation.

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

The context here is more like "refrain from acting out". This quote is about being able to refrain from striking out/responding in anger or annoyance when you have a strong emotional reaction to something. I've adjusted the quote above to reflect this.

I can understand your desire to walk away from self abnegation.