Teaching my mentor to teach me

[sabrinamari]

About a week ago, I realized that I needed to change my position. I've grown, and the role I play at work needs to expand to reflect that growth. I realized this last week at the beginning of a 10:30 meeting, and at 12:30 that day I explained to my boss and mentor exactly what I needed and why it made sense for both of us. He responded in the best possible way (of course, he is truly exceptional), and together, we laid the foundations of a plan.

That night I realized that I had calmly and quietly explained that I needed a promotion and a big raise with a minimum of fear and trauma.

Today I had the opportunity to do something similar. My mentor and I have been working on a grant. He's been (over)scheduled to do waaay too many things (as usual), and early on, he decided that I would write the bulk of the grant over the next month or so. We've been meeting a couple of times a week to brainstorm and sketch out its structure.

At a key point in our conversation today, we hit a place where he knew exactly what needed to happen and I didn't. I began asking him questions about exactly what I needed to do next. After a moment of thought, he pointed out that one of the major drains on his time had just dropped off his plate, and he could actually write the bulk of the grant himself.

"No," I said. "Don't take this away from me. Show me how you do it. Slow down and explain exactly what I need to know. Show me, and let me learn it, too." Seeing his doubtful look, I pushed forward. "Look, I know this is an an investment, but think about it. If you walk me through this and give me the guidance and time I need to learn it, I'll be able to do it again and again for you in the future. If you're patient with me now, this will really pay off."

His eyes crinkled up and he laughed, saying,"What, you're going to write grants for me?'

"Maybe," I said. "If I do it once, I'll understand how to do it next time when you need someone to step in."

"But I know what I want...I might as well do it...but then," he added slowly, "...you don't learn."

"That's right," I answered. "To you, this is like breathing. You know exactly what you want and how to get there. I don't, yet. So help me learn it. Invest in me. Be patient."

This led to a good conversation about learning, his needs, my growth and my career. He really heard me, though. He heard me and understood---and I was direct and clear about what I needed from him and why it was worth his time.

Then he walked me through the grant in his head, and through each of the steps I'd need to take over the next four days. He described exactly how he works when he's writing and why his technique works so well. Listening, I was able to follow his logic and I saw exactly why his approach works so well.

Now, I'll begin to learn it for myself.

Before I left I leaned forward and said, "Thank you for investing in me. I am very motivated by learning to be a better tool."

[Here, I meant "tool" in the sense of "expanding my capacity to achieve mutually beneficial ends," and I meant it in a very positive, empowered way, not as a denigration. I often think of myself as a tool for achieving particular ends in this world, and my work with my mentor is part of this big vision.]

He patted my hand and smiled, and we both left feeling very, very good about our exchange and our relationship with each other.

Once again, I marvel at both my great good fortune to have attracted such an excellent, wonderful mentor, and at the growth I've achieved over the last year.

I am very grateful.

Comments

[shades-of-nyx.livejournal.com]

Wow!
Your career field and experiences are antithetical to what I experienced in the aerospace world.

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

I am so appreciative and grateful!

[jeneralist.livejournal.com]

Yay!

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

Call me for an update that goes both ways.

[arielmn.livejournal.com]

Nicely done!!!

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[evcelt.livejournal.com]

Wow. Respect to both of you for doing this.

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

He is a great communicator and nurturer of others, and I am appreciative of him and hungry to reach for more. It's a great combination. Plus, I've already written successful grants---just not this kind. It probably doesn't hurt that I am crazy stupid loyal and he is basically kind.