Not You

[sabrinamari]

The most common route to failure is to give up too early, when you've started to see a few tiny sparks of progress but have yet to experience big payoffs.

This is true no matter what you are trying to do: lose weight, finish a dissertation or a book, change a habit or drop an addiction.

It's almost ingrained in human nature. We get discouraged, we get scared---we feel stupid and vulnerable. It's easier to walk away. Every time you start a new project, or a new phase of an ongoing project, you'll face this temptation again.

Don't do it. Don't let this be you.

Comments

[amber-phoenix.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I'm taking an R&R day today to get myself realigned with my job and associated challenges. This is a timely reminder.

[forgedangel.livejournal.com]

What about giving up when no paybacks are forthcoming or have ceased. I hate to give up, but I can't invest indefinite time or energy on something that doesn't grow or prosper. Not a pessimist or a defeatist... just a realist.

How do you identify what will grow and what won't?

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

My thought: you step back and reassess where you want to go.

Questions to ask:

1. Is it a) my goal that's the problem here, or is it b) the path(s) that I'm taking to get there?

If a), then choose a new goal. If b) then choose a new path. If you can't tell, test a new path (or two) and ask this question again.

2. Am I trying to a) change/shift someone else or b) craft my own future?

If a) you most need a new goal that focuses on yourself. If b) generate some new paths/new strategies.

3. Where's my focus---really, where is it? Is it on experiencing my desires, or is it on the barriers that keep me from getting there?

You get what you focus on. If you spend most of your time obsessing and thinking about the problems/barriers to what you want, you are sure as hell not going to get it.

If you spend most of your time thinking about how to experience it and what you can do to bypass/dissolve barriers, you are MUCH more likely to get there.

Just my thoughts...

[jasminewind.livejournal.com]

I'm with forgedangel, if you are dealing with a situation where you aren't getting paid, people aren't hiring you, then the alignment with my self and the crafting of my future *depends* on the behavior of someone else. The people who need to see my value (which I already see) enough to pay me to do stuff for them.

You don't always get what you focus on, if you focus on getting a job, you may not get it. If you focus on growing your business, your business may not grow. Again, not pessimism, realism. And a very real struggle for me right now as we are growing some wonderful new things in our lives that feed us remarkably in many ways except monetary.

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

I think there's much wisdom here. I just think you need to be *very sure* that you're walking away from something that's truly not workable, instead of walking away early in the game before you've given it a very comprehensive try.

There's no guarantee of success when you reach towards any goal, but I think it's better to walk away only after you've made a focused, sustained, informed effort and gone through the question I posted on forgedangel's comment.

I know a woman who went through a profound, multi-year effort to transform her marriage. She kept testing paths to her goal for years, through really rough territory. She persisted well after 90% of her peers would have walked away. And guess what? She met her goal.

In this case, I might have walked away earlier, because this goal so clearly depended on someone else. But she didn't. In her case, it paid off. The way in which she focused, thought everything through and tested every possible path is what I admire most about her. That kind of thorough, steadfast focus is what I'm talking about.

Maybe you know her. : )

[jasminewind.livejournal.com]

You are sweet. : )

But remember how did I get here? By deciding that I *wasn't* going to get here! I asked for a divorce, I was ready to leave, I had "given up" - As you say, it is reasonable to say that I had tried everything I could, short of that. And it is also important to note, I didn't quit with the intention of getting things to work in the end, it wasn't a last ditch effort or a manipulation, it was just me being done. I just quit because it was time for me to stop. When I admitted "defeat", I won the greatest victory.

Does that mean we're both right? : )

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

Maybe. It means we're both really persistent and really fortunate, too.

[deboranter.livejournal.com]

thank you. i need to remember this

[the-smith-e.livejournal.com]

Thank you. This was a good day for this.

[zammis.livejournal.com]

yes ma'am! *Salutes Trinity*

[sligoe.livejournal.com]

You do not realize just how much I needed to hear this today. Math sucks.

[arielmn.livejournal.com]

While I SO understand and feel a bit of what forgedangel feels; my head follows this and your A/B question process for moving forward.

I hope to follow my head and not my heart or whatever body part is responsible for underming me.

[diekonigin.livejournal.com]

I have done this with relationships more times than I prefer to admit to. I have to resist thinking of the element water because it would run for the nearest crevice or crack, the path of least resistance, and that's the last thing you can do in a relationship.

[shakti-lemaris.livejournal.com]

It's such a battle sometimes, especially when some subconscious inner demon starts throwing curve balls at you in the form of illness, fatigue and mysterious pains. It's hard to get the flesh to co-operate with the spirit.

[angiedub.livejournal.com]

Sometimes, our frustration comes from trying to force the issue. Destination OR path. Not both. We can forge a path and not always determine the destination. Or can decide our destination and not know what path will get us there. Ive learned to allow for paradox.

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

Very wise!