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sabrinamariLived through the first book talk. My division was kind enough to schedule it as part of their regular weekly meeting series. It was a straight B/B+ performance, but it was a start. There will be many, many more of these---I need to get good at them.
****
Several folk stopped to tell me that I'm an excellent speaker, but most did not engage me on the subject of the talk. This is a huge red flag that I really need to revise and reconfigure this thing.
When the talk is entertaining, people will tell you that you are an excellent speaker.
When the talk is great, they'll passionately engage you on the topic.
I am fully capable of great, and I'm feeling both tense and disappointed that this talk was just good.
I can also see that I'm falling into the trap of perfectionism. At the moment, the best I can do is recognize this fact; I can't yet stop myself.
I know why this happened: it's the first talk since the book's publication, and I am as tense as it is humanly possible to be without *actually* performing badly. Tension inhibits creative thinking, blocks open communication and stems the free flow of ideas.
This would be an excellent time for me to detach a little from all this shenpa and allow my feelings to unfold without getting hooked into them.
What worked:
* I have a full page of changes to make; feedback was excellent.
* The department head asked for a signed copy for the Dean and a PDF of the flyer for the person in charge of publicity.
* Two people asked if I would do internal talks in other parts of the medical school.
OK, that's what I can do for today. Can't make myself send out the flyer because I have to include a short description that points up how I included the work of other researchers at the school. That will take at least an hour to get right, and it will emerge more easily and read better if I am fresh and open when I sit down to write.
I could also use some sleep.
****
Several folk stopped to tell me that I'm an excellent speaker, but most did not engage me on the subject of the talk. This is a huge red flag that I really need to revise and reconfigure this thing.
When the talk is entertaining, people will tell you that you are an excellent speaker.
When the talk is great, they'll passionately engage you on the topic.
I am fully capable of great, and I'm feeling both tense and disappointed that this talk was just good.
I can also see that I'm falling into the trap of perfectionism. At the moment, the best I can do is recognize this fact; I can't yet stop myself.
I know why this happened: it's the first talk since the book's publication, and I am as tense as it is humanly possible to be without *actually* performing badly. Tension inhibits creative thinking, blocks open communication and stems the free flow of ideas.
This would be an excellent time for me to detach a little from all this shenpa and allow my feelings to unfold without getting hooked into them.
What worked:
* I have a full page of changes to make; feedback was excellent.
* The department head asked for a signed copy for the Dean and a PDF of the flyer for the person in charge of publicity.
* Two people asked if I would do internal talks in other parts of the medical school.
OK, that's what I can do for today. Can't make myself send out the flyer because I have to include a short description that points up how I included the work of other researchers at the school. That will take at least an hour to get right, and it will emerge more easily and read better if I am fresh and open when I sit down to write.
I could also use some sleep.
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no subject
Date: 2011-01-26 01:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-01-26 12:31 pm (UTC)Your book
Date: 2011-01-26 06:53 am (UTC)I'm neither Latina nor inner-city. However, I've lived with HIV since at least 1999. I've been a panelist at Univ of Central Florida almost every semester since about 2000 or 2001 in the HIV Awareness class. I share how I live with HIV. It's one of the ways I live with it. I look forward to reading your book some time in the near future.
Re: Your book
Date: 2011-01-26 12:24 pm (UTC)If you like, you can message me via Livejournal message and send me a mailing address. When I receive my copies, I'll make sure you get one.
no subject
Date: 2011-01-26 09:24 am (UTC)Is it possible to look at it as if it was someone else's talk, seeing both what's fantastic about it and what's in need of tweaking?
How does your B-B+ stack up to most people's B-B+?
How much time will you allow it to evolve?
How much leeway will you allow yourself? - are you holding yourself to a realistic standard, or being too hard on yourself?
Do you have a built-in Q&A?
How fluid can you allow the talk to be? would changing what you do before talking have as much/more of an impact than tweaking the current content (ie., 5 minutes for getting grounded, shielded, energised)?
I see It was a straight B/B+ performance, but it was a start. There will be many, many more of these---I need to get good at them, and I feel the need to say that grades aren't always helpful. You can be Star of the Week without getting an A+
no subject
Date: 2011-01-26 12:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-01-26 06:29 pm (UTC)YOu are fine. YOu're learning something brand new, you're promoting and talking about your baby, and you
re hoping everyone loves your baby as much as you do. Brethe, stop and think about other things for a bit, come back with fresh, new eyes, and things will fall more into place.
Hugs---you are doing just fine.