Appreciation
Jan. 24th, 2011 01:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sabrinamariI spent part of this weekend carefully revising a 20-page grant for clarity, flow and aesthetic beauty. It was quite well written, but even strong manuscripts can benefit from a careful, nuanced editing job. The process was painstaking and slow, and it drove me crazy while I was doing it, but this morning I got an email from my mentor telling me how much he appreciated and enjoyed my work.
Reading his email, I was seized by a desire to write him back and tell him how wonderful it was to work with and for someone who saw me, understood what I could do and really, really appreciated me. Of course, I got a good grip on myself and simply thanked him for his thoughtful note, but the impact he made on me has stuck all day.
Because he habitually treats me and others well, he's created a loyal following. The way in which he combines kindness with thoughtful feedback is very effective in making his collaborators eager to help him; he's certainly inspired loyalty in me. After working with him, it's hard for me to imagine working for anyone else.
Looking at my life, I notice that I've chosen most of my close friends and allies partly because of a similar ability to express appreciation and tenderness for those they love.
While there are many qualities that make a person stand out as exceptional, I think this one is really critical. It's certainly among the top five qualities I look for in people I meet.
Having spent about two days recently in a disconnected, dissatisfied mindset devoid of appreciation, I can see what a barren internal landscape its absence creates. During that time, when I looked at those around me, it was as if I could see them only through a thick layer of criticism. This judgmental perspective helped me changed nothing in my life for the better---if anything, it made me a *less* effective change agent. It also made me very unhappy.
The internal sigh of relief I felt when I kicked that attitude to the curb could have been heard for miles. Thank god I was able to shift back into a place where I can take delight in others, and in the beautiful parts of my life---if I had to live out my days in that barren place, I'd never make it.
I think the best reason to reach for a deep appreciation of the people I love isn't to make them feel good; it's to make me feel good. And without the regular experience of happiness, what's the point of being alive?
Reading his email, I was seized by a desire to write him back and tell him how wonderful it was to work with and for someone who saw me, understood what I could do and really, really appreciated me. Of course, I got a good grip on myself and simply thanked him for his thoughtful note, but the impact he made on me has stuck all day.
Because he habitually treats me and others well, he's created a loyal following. The way in which he combines kindness with thoughtful feedback is very effective in making his collaborators eager to help him; he's certainly inspired loyalty in me. After working with him, it's hard for me to imagine working for anyone else.
Looking at my life, I notice that I've chosen most of my close friends and allies partly because of a similar ability to express appreciation and tenderness for those they love.
While there are many qualities that make a person stand out as exceptional, I think this one is really critical. It's certainly among the top five qualities I look for in people I meet.
Having spent about two days recently in a disconnected, dissatisfied mindset devoid of appreciation, I can see what a barren internal landscape its absence creates. During that time, when I looked at those around me, it was as if I could see them only through a thick layer of criticism. This judgmental perspective helped me changed nothing in my life for the better---if anything, it made me a *less* effective change agent. It also made me very unhappy.
The internal sigh of relief I felt when I kicked that attitude to the curb could have been heard for miles. Thank god I was able to shift back into a place where I can take delight in others, and in the beautiful parts of my life---if I had to live out my days in that barren place, I'd never make it.
I think the best reason to reach for a deep appreciation of the people I love isn't to make them feel good; it's to make me feel good. And without the regular experience of happiness, what's the point of being alive?
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no subject
Date: 2011-01-24 08:48 pm (UTC)Same for being decent, humane, compassionate towards those who distress, anger, and revolt us - individually or as a group. Revenge, reaction, it's all about abandoning our power, allowing our fears about what They want/have done/will do to us to shape our thought-feeling-actions. It's the opposite of Being Human (1st ep of the series is really cool, btw).
This all strikes me as intimately related to my questions around, "Is it true, is it kind, is it necessary, and does it improve upon the silence?"*
If I managed to make my speech and behaviour meet those criteria, how much more clearly I would see the world, and how much more truly would I feel, and how much freer would I be?
* http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sai_Baba_of_Shirdi
no subject
Date: 2011-01-25 09:14 pm (UTC)