That Damn Achilles Heel

[sabrinamari]

This weekend is an opportunity for me to catch up on the many things I need to do, complete, write and/or create.

Periodically I wonder how in the hell I manage to commit to so many things and so many people. I can't seem to restrain myself; I'm hungry for life and the opportunity to taste everything, so I can't seem to keep my fingers out of anything yummy. Weirdly, this often means that I wind up with *less* time to do what I really want to do and end up spending more time working.

This also means that things get backed up, really backed up, in some parts of my life. At any given time, there are 10-12 outstanding requests for my attention. There is never a time when I don't have a backlog of phone messages to return, emails to answer, classes to teach and decisions to make. There is never a time when I'm not doing triage: in this moment, what I am I going to do? Something that personally feeds my soul, or something that feeds one or more of the projects/people/empires I love?

It's no one's fault except my own. I re-construct this life every minute, and every time I take on a new student, say yes to a coaching plea, agree to review something, agree to present or take on a new responsibility, I keep the funnel of new requests steadily flowing.

It's a miracle that I haven't worn out the patience of more of the people I love; they have to spend so much time waiting for me to respond/deliver/see them that I'm always half expecting them to wander off in disgust. And I recognize that failing to respond in a timely manner is the number one way I piss other people off.

Years ago, there was a running local joke about things you'd never hear people say if you gave them a call. We'd make fun of each other by making up ridiculous monologues that we couldn't imagine ourselves delivering. seedmoon used to joke that the one thing you'd never hear me say when you gave me a call was "Hello".

It's still a little bit true, but it's not as bad as it was ten years ago. I think. I hope.

I'm going to spend today crossing as many things off of my list as I can. I'll also keep my fingers crossed that my life doesn't pass me by while I do it.

EDIT: You know, there's one upside to this: when I do find people who personally feed my soul, I am fiercely loyal and deeply appreciative of them. That's something good.

Comments

[wgseligman.livejournal.com]

Live isn't passing you by. You're living it. Better to pass on with a thousand things undone than to have endless stretches of time of nothing to do and no one to do it with.

You can cross off a list or not, as you choose, but you're definitely not wasting your time.

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

OK honey, I have totally not forgotten that I promised to spend Brit TV geekery time with you and your cool community this winter. In fact, Michael just reminded me of this a couple of days ago, and I still really want to do it.

I will pull up your last email about this and give you a call.

Thank you for your patience!

[wgseligman.livejournal.com]

Oops, did I screw up my grammar? I meant that comment to say "You're on the right track!" not "Pay attention to me!"

Give your family a kiss, dance with your clan, laugh with your friends. Brit TV will always be there.

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

Love you, honey!

[rio-luna.livejournal.com]

you are so talented and giving, it's no surprise to me that you are in so much demand.

this week i was up for a job, a really interestung job that would have pushed me intellectually, in addition to presenting a bunch of logistic challenges (very long commute downtown, how do we re-arrange childcare, tutoring etc). My first thought was "I will not be able to commit to as many things in Reclaiming or with the covenette, I will have do, by necessity, scale back on things."

Years ago you were in a simialr situation: too many projects and demands, not enough time, massive backlog. I suggested you place a moratorium on new project and requests until some time had past (I think I sugeested til Ostara). It's not the best solution, or a permanent one, but maybe giving yourslef permission to say No for a few weeks will help.

[showingup.livejournal.com]

Imbolc shortly. Always a good time for new patterns (better to make new resolutions and explore new territory at this time of year than New Year, apparently, in terms of sticking power.

I have recently come to think of Brighid/Brigantia as having to do with boundaries - she is a multi-tasker, a healer, eternally flamingly available, so she must know about when to say no...

Learning about boundaries is massive. It's taking me SUCH a long time to get it, though the upside is that every time I smack into one of those boundary markers, it hurts less and I have a better first-aid kit.

[divalion.livejournal.com]

Oh, do I hear ya, darlin!

Someone asked me for a favor recently, doing that whole "I know you're drowning in busy but ME NOW!" kind of thing and I just thought, You need to understand that every week is another string of "I just need a minute of your time" requests that pile up like snowdrifts. It's exhausting. I feel ya. You want to be there for people, but there's never a break.

Every time I see a personal development/business/etc blog or book where the author/coach is all, "Ask people for help! People love to help!" I think, Yes that's true, but bear in mind that anyone you think is smart enough/connected enough/whatever enough to help you is probably also incredibly busy and swamped with similar requests for help.

I'm being stricter with myself about saying no to people. And being a little more mercenary about expecting a F.E.E. when something is asked of me. It doesn't have to be money, but if someone wants me to make their life easier, I want to know how they're going to make *mine* easier in return.

Anyway-- sympathy. Love ya. You are amazing. I want life to not fly past you either...I would love to see you choosing to take more time to savor the experience of just being.

[flamespirit.livejournal.com]

"It's a miracle that I haven't worn out the patience of more of the people I love; they have to spend so much time waiting for me to respond/deliver/see them that I'm always half expecting them to wander off in disgust. And I recognize that failing to respond in a timely manner is the number one way I piss other people off."

I SOOOOO hear you on this! I suffer from this myself, although probably not nearly on the same scale as you do. But that guilt, oh, it eats away at me. Of course, the guilt does nothing constructive, just winds me up tighter inside. So, that's what I've been working on recently. That and learning to say "No". I did it twice in the last week. I felt the twinges of "but now they won't like/love me anymore!". So I'm working on that too :-) The work never stops, does it.

Anyway, I love you, no matter what. And you've never let me down. And even if you did, I would cut you a huge amount of slack because I think you're worth it - and human, for goodness sake. Mwah!