Pillow-reduced chest : )

[sabrinamari]

I am grateful for the help everyone sent yesterday and the help that some friends are sending every day. It is hugely important in helping me stay solid and sane. Your support is all of its forms is crucial, welcome and WORKING!

Last night I went to vgnwtch's place and felt myself relax. I ate a whole meal and could taste it. We exchanged massages and talked and laughed. We watched silly British TV comedy. I think perhaps that her good energy and that of my distant friends embraced me more successfully because I was able to relax and receive it. I came home and slept well all night.

What I have learned so far:

To reduce pain dramatically:

Exercise in the a.m.
RESIST all urges to isolate and overthink.
Spend evenings with friends and light reading.
RESIST the urge to spend evenings with Ken here at the house;
there is too much pain and change for us to relax while doing our old
usual routines anymore.
Think about what I like and what makes me happy.
Think about what want and the new opportunities that lie before me.
Dismiss thoughts about not being what Ken needs and wants; let
that go.
Dismiss thoughts about not being pretty/thin enough; acknowledge
that these are foolish, inaccurate thoughts born of old, silly baggage.
Don't stress about not being able to eat and sleep. Instead, create
the relaxing environment (friends, fun, play) that will enable me to
do both more easily.
FOCUS ON ME. Think about what I want, what I am doing, what I like,
what I need and want. Plan for myself.

Comments

[vgnwtch.livejournal.com]

That sounds like a good plan.

By George..

[owllady13.livejournal.com]

...I think she's got it! :o)

I truly know how hard this is, but you have a plan now, and it is one that will work. Let me know if you need me, and know that the energy sent last evening is only the tip of the iceberg. The Reiki flow continues....

Ahhh....

*smooch*

[catpaw67.livejournal.com]

Amen, my friend! Perhaps we should look into that perfumery class again soon. A good distraction, I think. :-)

[tigira.livejournal.com]

*huuuug* :-D

All good things! I know it's all too easy to NOT do them, and start getting down on yourself or wonder what you could have done differently, etc. You are wonderful!

You have been supportive, and friendly, and inspirational to me.

I hope I can do some of that for you...*huuuuug*

Another obvious reminder

[elphaba-of-oz.livejournal.com]

Dismiss thoughts about not being what Ken needs and wants; let
that go.

Remember not to let his vision of you interfere with your vision of yourself. He see's you through the filter of his own, peculiar, slant which grew out of his unique brain chemistry and his life experiences. He hasn't been able to fully commit to a relationship with you. That doesn't mean you aren't in fact brilliant, beautiful, loving and worthy of love. His peculiar vision is his problem. Don't ever let it become yours.

So many people love you. So many of the people you've known during the course of your life with Ken have wanted to be in his place. You're now free to pursue a life with someone who will adore you for all that you are.

You are also free to pursue an career at any college in the world (if that's what you want) without worrying about uprooting your spouse. You can go anywhere and do anything. This is freedom. It may hurt now, but it's a gift in disguise.

The pain will go away. The freedom is yours to keep and use as you choose.

Oops - I forgot the most important part...

[elphaba-of-oz.livejournal.com]

{{{{{{{{{BIG HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[rio-luna.livejournal.com]

oh my sweet! you are so wonderful. hugs.

[sidhne.livejournal.com]

Dismiss thoughts about not being pretty/thin enough.

Absolutely! I think you're hot!

[onyxtwilight.livejournal.com]

*I* think she's hot, and I'm gay. >:-) What straight man could possibly resist? So, then the problem becomes figuring out which one is good enough to keep. >;-)

Hang in there, darlin'. Pretty soon the initial impact of the speeding freight train will dull down, and you can turn your face into the wind and stretch out your arms and yell "I'm Queen of the World!" :-)

I'll try to call you tonight. I need oily-advice.

Pfft. Yeah, right.

[oakleaves.livejournal.com]

Brina... face this: you are most definitely hot, and if at any moment Ken has even remotely suggested otherwise, let me countersuggest that he would then desperately, desperately need therapy.

Do this for you. You have not failed, and you are not a failure. You are embarking on this change because you are immensely brave, sharply intelligent, and genuinely in touch with your needs. Sure, Ken has his perspective, and sure, it's still challenging. But don't you dare think for one instant that you are anything less than an outstanding, scrumptious, dearly loved and respected person. No, really.

And you will emerge from this stronger and better than before. I promise.

Wow

[seedmoon.livejournal.com]

I haven't been on LJ much in the last couple weeks. Between work, resuming my exercise routine and spending extra time with Heidi to make up for my absence during October, I've just let my attention drift from this. I've been glancing at my friends page some in the morning and again in the evening without bothering to look at anything that may have scrolled onto the second page.
In short, I've been seeing your fitness updates but not any of the important posts. Your PHD, Ken...I missed all of that. It wasn't until I saw this post that I realized I needed to go back and catch up.

WOW. Just, wow.
I don't even know where to begin.
Tell you that you are in my thoughts? You're always in my thoughts. Even when we spent years without communicating you were in my thoughts.
Tell you that I'm concerned about you? I'm not. I hate the idea of you being in pain but I have not the slightest doubt that you will get through this difficult transition and come out stronger and happier on the other side.

You know you have my love and support. It sucks that I'm so far away and I can't give you hug or let you see the sincerety in my eyes when I tell you that these trials you are going through may hurt but they don't have a chance of breaking you. I know the strength of your spirit. The image that first comes to mind is of Captain Dan strapped to the mast of Forrest Gump's boat, laughing at the hurricane, challenging it, "Is this the best you got?!"

One good thing about me living on the West coast is that I'm three hours behind you. If you find yourself up at 2:00 or 3:00 am on a sleepless night and need someone to talk to, vent at or whatever, for the love of every God you and I can think of call me.
206-850-1819 I'll still be awake.


I'll say again, I hate the idea of you being in pain and I wish you as much speed as humanly possible growing through this difficult time. Part of me is curious though to see what type of a big delicious pitcher of lemonade I know my friend Sabrina will eventually make out of the lemons life has handed her.

[ravenmdf.livejournal.com]

HUGS my dear!

[evaliz122866.livejournal.com]

So I hear there is a possibility you could be coerced/persuaded/bribed into comming to visit us in Mpls in spring? If so I have a proposition for you. Let me know if you are interested, I'm sure travel arrangements can be figured out if you are willing to come and it would sure get you out of the house :-)

[sligoe.livejournal.com]

A great plan! It took me a long time, four failed marriages, a bout with anxiety and depression and various other life experiences to come to the point where you find yourself. Revel in yourself now. There is nothing wrong with you unless you believe there is.....it's up to you. Don't worry about what Ken did or didn't want---that was then, this is now. Don't worry about being thin or pretty enough---my goodness, how gorgeous are you? And even if it weren't so on the outside, who could resist the beauty inside? It fairly shines from you! You are a beautiful, accomplished, wonderful woman with a zest for life, love, laughter.....don't lose that vision of yourself. Remember---YOU create the vision, and YOU get to live it. How fantastic is that?!

Just take the time you need, the thought and care that you need. We're ALL here for you, and we will ALWAYS be here. We love you very much.

Hugs!!!

[yoga-matt.livejournal.com]

RESIST the urge to spend evenings with Ken here at the house;
there is too much pain and change for us to relax while doing our old
usual routines anymore.

****This is a critical one. The discussions you have had with him in the past few weeks have set in motion a dramatic change..your marriage is ending, your romantic ties are being released...life as both of you have known it is shifting permenantly. Therefore, your daily bahaviors must map onto and be a manifestation of your intent. So life cannot and must not continue as it was, and it is so easy to surrender to entropy and fall into old routines.

So each day bunny, reflect on your intent: The relational/marital component of your life with him is ending. However, you still love and respect him and are determined to proceed causing as little unnecessary pain as possible.

Then find ways to manifest that intent in your daily life; such as remaining respectful when you do interact, but allowing yourself distance from the everyday activities that were such a strong component of your marital and romantic life with him.

All my love

[skyefyr.livejournal.com]

{{{Hugs for Sabrina}}}

Sounds like you've got a good set of plans going there. If you ever need a night to escape, let me know, I'd love to take up some of your time.

And if you keep talking about not being pretty/thin enough I'm going to send you a list of men who I know would give their right arms for a date with you.

Don't worry about Ken's wants and needs. They're his problem/concern, not yours. (Remember that important lesson you tried teaching everyone about disassociation at FSG? Time to put it into practice for you!) Worry about you and what you need. Make plans that will help you and your growth.

Remember, your primary responsibility right now is to take care of you. No one else. Just you. Trust me, that's a luxury. Revel in it. (And don't forget to make the time to treat and spoil yourself while you're at it.)

[hypanebliss.livejournal.com]

Yea!!! *hugs* :)