Sad news

[sabrinamari]

It really is a brand new life. This morning, in a long heart-to-heart talk, Ken and I agreed to part as husband and wife and remain close, loving friends. Although we love each other very much, this appears to be the wisest course of action before us. For a long time, Ken has been unsure of whether he could fully commit to this relationship and I have been unwilling to settle for anything less than 100%. This has caused us both tension and pain.

This morning, we both acknowledged that despite our wishes to the contrary, Ken is not available for the relationship that I want, and I am not the life partner that he wants.

Neither of us want to tear the other out of our hearts. Neither of us are looking forward to the challenges of this process. So we have decided to simply keep loving and supporting one another through it, while also acknowledging the limitations of what we can offer each other.

I hope that this can be an amicable process all the way through. I am proud that we both did so well throughout the conversation and the morning afterwards. Although I am feeling alot of pain, nobody has died yet. : )
Mu work with Ruth and David and with Pema's videos are showing their true worth. I have been able to feel the pain without strking out, and so has Ken. We are neither in denial nor flailing about wildly. I guess growing up has its utility after all.

I have great hopes for both of us. I think we can each create a much happier life, and perhaps even keep the other in it.

Blessed Be.

Comments

[effloresense.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I understand too well how difficult a time like this can be. I wish you luck and hope through it all though.

[citabria]

{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}

[rio-luna.livejournal.com]

{{{{huggies}}}}}}

(i listened to a lot of Beck during my split)

[catpaw67.livejournal.com]

I'm here for you. Always will be.

I'm so sorry

[elphaba-of-oz.livejournal.com]

I was thinking about you and Ken this moring with more than a little bit of envy. I had no idea you were having trouble.

In the years since I've been out of your life I've learned that it is possible to move on without anger and recrimination. May you both come through this intact and move on (as you hope) to much happier lives.

I wish I could do something to make it easier for you.

[evaliz122866.livejournal.com]

My best wishes to both of you, I know life must suck right now but it sounds like you are on the way to retaining a solid friendship which is so much better than what many people end up with.

*Giant Hugs*

[warning-dca.livejournal.com]

Well, on the positive side, its mutual and you will remain friends.

I hope that life moves on swiftly and warmly for both of you.

Best wishes in your new lives in the new year to come.
~Sarah

[hypanebliss.livejournal.com]

Love you. It gets better, I promise. *hugs* This may not be easy but wow are you a strong woman. Keep going. Keep striving to have your needs met.

[andronikos.livejournal.com]

Much love and hugs to both of you.

[ghostgirl3.livejournal.com]

***computer hugs***
You and Ken will be in my thoughts, and you know that you have our love and support.

[quiet-wyatt72.livejournal.com]

Wow. I didn't know that you and he had been having difficulties
like this for awhile. I had thought that earlier rough seas had been weathered and
passed.

You both have my full support, and availability.
Let's talk tomorrrow for sure.
Hugs to both of you.

[discoiris.livejournal.com]

both mario and i send love and hugs and any support we can offer! it is not an easy thing to go through (believe me i know) but it is maybe the path to a healthier relationship you can both be happy with.

[lindalee.livejournal.com]

You know you have my love and my support. *hugs*

[dragonflycai.livejournal.com]

Dear Sabrina,

My heart hurts with your sadness.

((((( Big, warm, open-hearted, compassionate hugs ))))))

Best wishes to you and Ken in re-defining your relationship, and your new lives.

[welshbard.livejournal.com]

You have my condolances. No matter how you get to that point in a relationship, it always hurts.

[tigira.livejournal.com]

Aw, hon, I'm sorry.
You have my love, my support, cyber-hugs if you need them, my shoulder if you need that. And, hey, if you DO get to the point of needing to punch something, BOBs (Body Opponent Bags) are extremely useful (or any punching bag, actually).

I'm sorry. I know you wish things were different. I know you wish that things could have worked out 100% with Ken. *sigh* I wish I knew what to say.

[owllady13.livejournal.com]

{{{{{hugs}}}}}

I am sorry to hear this, but also know that what the two of you seek is possible. I am lucky enough to have achieved it with my former spouse. The path will not always be the smoothest, but then when is any path that is worth traveling.

Let me know if you need anything.

[lapiswitch.livejournal.com]

I too have managed to remain friends with my ex in spite of having a very destructive marriage. When you no longer have to live up to each other's expectations of marriage, it seems that it can be easier to accept each other for what you actually are.

It doesn't have to be a long drawn out painful process but doing it together poses special sorts of problems. It was hard for me to be there for him. I did it but it was hard to be the friend and and soon-to-be ex-wife. You hear so many things that you never wanted to hear, or expected to hear, or thought that you could hear.

[willowoak.livejournal.com]

Honey. I'm so sorry.

{{{{{hug}}}}}

But if it's not what can make either of you happy, then parting is the *right* thing to do. It doesn't make it less painful, though. It's good that you are doing this well, and want to remain friends.

My thoughts and prayers are with you both.

[skyefyr.livejournal.com]

{{{Hugs}}}

You know, I've been through this a few times. If you need anything, feel free to call. Even with trying to split amicably, it's painful as hell. Look around you now, see how many people love you and see who you can call on/depend on when things get tough. Trust me, knowing who loves you is one of the best things you can do for yourself right now.

[faedaughter.livejournal.com]

I am so sorry sweetie. This is a hard place to be in I know (I have been there and me and my Ex did a not too bad job of it). You both sound like brave compassionate people. I believe in your ability to make your relationship what you want it to be now. It takes a lot to look change in the face and embrace it, to make something good and positive out of it instead of lashing out in fear and hurt and anger. (((hugs)))Be happy.

[sligoe.livejournal.com]

I know where you are---I've walked the path often enough to have left footprints there. Follow them in your own time, at your own pace----and you will come into the sunshine of a new life. Love never dies or leaves us bereft. And of course, I am also here for you.

Hugs and blessings.

a warm hug for my courageous friend

[oakleaves.livejournal.com]

I love you, Brina, and I am completely confident that everything will emerge for you both as it should. Both of you are good people, and I am certain that each of you will handle this with focus.

You, dearheart, are an amazingly courageous, intelligent, and sensible person. You already know that you have a solid support network, as well as a much better personal foundation than you had in the past.

You know this, but I'll say it anyway: You, dearheart, are at a transformational crossroads that compares with few, if any, others now. Divorce, like other things you are already well versed in, is very much an initiatory experience, and I am hard pressed to think of someone else who has as many initiatory-cradling skills as yourself.

That doesn't mean that every element of this journey will always be easy (and you know that also), but it does mean that you have that much more going for you. Between these skills, the support of those who love you, and Ken's own capacity for graciousness, I am confident that in time, you will find yourself in a much happier place for yourself and your new future.

I know I'm 500 miles north, but I'm here for you. All you need to do is phone.

Congratulations!

[methastra.livejournal.com]

I congratulate both you and Ken on your maturity and self-awareness to look at where you actually are in life and compare it to where you want to be/go in life and look at the situation objectively and handle it like mature adults!

I say this in total candor and honesty, not humor. You are truly grown-ups in a world filled with petty children.

You know the situation I'm in, and we have achieved and maintained it through open and honest communication at each step. We have become no less important to each other, though HOW we are important to each other has changed dramatically.

If I can be of any assistance or you just need a shoulder or punching bag, I/we're here for you (both you and/or Ken if wanted).

It won't be without pain or challenge, for change is always difficult, even change that you want and accept.

I've been sitting on it for about a month, but I'll go ahead and post now the class I did on Exploring Relationships in the hopes that it might be of use to you:

This is the handout for a class I recently gave on Exploring Relationships.

The goal was to provide people with a realistic and objective map of the relationships in their lives.

It also provides a variety of new ways of looking at your relationships in composite, as opposed to "one at a time" which may help people to realize just how full their lives are, as well as finding areas to which they may wish to pay more attention.

- Brian

[dr-pretentious.livejournal.com]

May the best happen for each of you. I don't know what to say, but that I love you both. I wish you and Ken long, wonderful lives full of whichever happinesses suit you best.

[evilbunny.livejournal.com]

Great big loving hugs for the both of you.

If you need to talk at all, about this or anything else, please do give me a call. Kenny and I have remained somewhat friends, though perhaps that's easier because he's in LA. :-)

Take care of yourself.

[stephandcurtis.livejournal.com]

OMG - Did our conversation Thursday night . . . I was thinking of it all night. . . when I asked you about a timeline it was because you were so assured and calm on the phone, so much more prepared, I had the feeling you wouldn't sit on this much longer. I just wish that . . . oh God, hon, I want you happy, I want Ken happy - however that must be. Know that I am here for you, thinking of you, hoping that this new change/development/growth in your life won't be too painful. Like you said, you have 10,000 friends . . . and we're all here for you.
A big, warm hug to you, Sabrina -
Sending you my love, too,

Stephanie

[padmaclynne.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to hear this, but i'm glad you are taking it so well and so calmly. it's hard, but sometimes the better course.

this is the bit where i feel like a punk ass kid giving you any sort of advice.

i am happy to hear that it is amicable, however.

[sidhne.livejournal.com]

You are amazing, and a role model to couples everywhere going through similar difficulties. You have turned a very difficult decision and process into a positive experience. I'm deeply moved by your words and wish you the best in your new life.

[amber-phoenix.livejournal.com]

Wow! Congratulations upon taking a difficult step and much luck and love for the next parts of the journey. You're an amazing woman and I'm sure you'll go amazing places, even if the paths there are rough.

That's very hard

[monotreme.livejournal.com]

I'm sad for you, but I'm glad that you and he can go forward now to something. Sarah and I are here for you.