Amazing day
Oct. 19th, 2004 05:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sabrinamariI won't pester folks with another long post. Feel free to ignore this one.
What a day...this morning's remarkable gift, 3 days to the revision due date, and a talk to do tonight? Can it get even more unbelievable?
Yes.
A talk with one supervisor gave the heads up that the head of CSHP has noticed my absences teaching the class that P., my advisor, pushed me to take. Another supervisor is not happy with the longer time it's taking me to turn projects for her around.
Thankfully, D. stuck up for me, explaining that I had said no to the class, but been pushed to do it by my diss advisor. She also explained that I was defending Oct. 29th and would be more present and effective after that date.
She thinks this helped, but I need to put in some serious hours starting Nov. 1.
Also, my advisor hasn't returned my calls or emails about talking before the defense.
So this is the deal:
1. I'm in trouble at work because I'm not turning things around the way I should. This is a correct assessment. I can't teach the class and revise the diss and keep up at work at the same time. You just can't work a full time job, a part time job and revise a dissertation well all at the same time.
2. P. and L.. or one or the other may have issues with the compromise revisions, and the defense may be difficult. P. has already asked me not to expect him to sign off after the defense---he told me last week that he may withhold his signature until, basically, I have satisfied both he and L on all counts, which may take some time after the defense itself.
3.There's not much I can do about this except:
a.) not flinch or panic
b.) be willing to sacrifice the job for the diss and accept that I may be censured or fired
c.) keep working on the revisions and turn them in Friday
d.) contact L., since P. does not seem to want to talk with me, and try to get her help getting me through
at the defense
e.) accept that there will be consequences for all of my choices, and that I cannot meet all the demands being made---so simply understand that I may have to choose where to fail, instead of whether to fail.
f.) remember that this is, in the end, just a job, just a set of end-stage Ph.D crises, and that that none of these things define me or hit me in the center of my being, or touch me at my core
g.) pray, end let it go.
So that's what I'll do.
Today's gifts were very good, and today's challenges are mostly about accepting reality and not flinching. That's livable. I'll take it. .
What a day...this morning's remarkable gift, 3 days to the revision due date, and a talk to do tonight? Can it get even more unbelievable?
Yes.
A talk with one supervisor gave the heads up that the head of CSHP has noticed my absences teaching the class that P., my advisor, pushed me to take. Another supervisor is not happy with the longer time it's taking me to turn projects for her around.
Thankfully, D. stuck up for me, explaining that I had said no to the class, but been pushed to do it by my diss advisor. She also explained that I was defending Oct. 29th and would be more present and effective after that date.
She thinks this helped, but I need to put in some serious hours starting Nov. 1.
Also, my advisor hasn't returned my calls or emails about talking before the defense.
So this is the deal:
1. I'm in trouble at work because I'm not turning things around the way I should. This is a correct assessment. I can't teach the class and revise the diss and keep up at work at the same time. You just can't work a full time job, a part time job and revise a dissertation well all at the same time.
2. P. and L.. or one or the other may have issues with the compromise revisions, and the defense may be difficult. P. has already asked me not to expect him to sign off after the defense---he told me last week that he may withhold his signature until, basically, I have satisfied both he and L on all counts, which may take some time after the defense itself.
3.There's not much I can do about this except:
a.) not flinch or panic
b.) be willing to sacrifice the job for the diss and accept that I may be censured or fired
c.) keep working on the revisions and turn them in Friday
d.) contact L., since P. does not seem to want to talk with me, and try to get her help getting me through
at the defense
e.) accept that there will be consequences for all of my choices, and that I cannot meet all the demands being made---so simply understand that I may have to choose where to fail, instead of whether to fail.
f.) remember that this is, in the end, just a job, just a set of end-stage Ph.D crises, and that that none of these things define me or hit me in the center of my being, or touch me at my core
g.) pray, end let it go.
So that's what I'll do.
Today's gifts were very good, and today's challenges are mostly about accepting reality and not flinching. That's livable. I'll take it. .
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
Gifts
Date: 2004-10-19 03:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-19 03:44 pm (UTC)And, y'know, if you happen to see any of their hair or nail clippings laying around, well, you know where to send 'em. Just say the word. >;-)
no subject
Date: 2004-10-19 05:01 pm (UTC)And also know that you are loved and supported every step of the way.
no subject
Date: 2004-10-19 05:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-19 05:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-19 06:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-19 09:57 pm (UTC)Or maybe a big sledgehammer and an iron anvil. And something to repeatedly trap between them, of course. >:-)
See, Sabrina, we talk for your id so it doesn't have to and you can maintain your hard-won serenity. Don't worry. We've got your back.
Soon as you send that hair. >:-)
no subject
Date: 2004-10-19 10:27 pm (UTC)The typical adolescent behavior I never indulged in as an adolescent is just waiting to get indulged in now. O, how I long to egg P's house! To tp his yard! As long as this is my headspace, probably spellwork would be a bad idea.
I have my ugly suspicions about why P might choose to withhold his signature. I urge you to document every interaction with him. In all my years at Rutgers, I have never heard of a dissertation director passing a defense while withholding the signature--either it's passed or it's not passed. Everyone I know who's passed a diss defense had revisions demanded of them, and nobody ever had a committee member refuse to sign over it. The Graduate School may have a policy on this that would trump P's position as department chair. You might call the dean and ask her. Or I could call her, with appropriate vagueness and hypotheticals, if you're swamped for time or feeling politically exposed.
If all else fails, bring on the poppets.
no subject
Date: 2004-10-20 04:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-20 11:08 am (UTC)Talk about taking control of your life! Choosing where to fail instead of whether to fail.... Hats off to you! I hope to someday be brave enough to look to hard at my choices, decide what I need to prioritize, and have the courage to give myself permission to fail instead of driving myself crazy trying to please everyone.
By the way, if it's a choice, can it really be called a failure? Somehow, that word fails to reflect the courage and integrity behind your decision to take control.
no subject
Date: 2004-10-20 12:32 pm (UTC)Sabrina, you are the most amazing person I know!!!!
Now, put that under your hat and pull it out every time someone tries to stomp on you. And don't worry yourself about retribution for the evil P, the cosmos knows who's been good and who's been bad, he'll get his coal soon enough and without your help!
Love ya!
Stephanie