Breaking Habitual Patterns
Jul. 24th, 2008 08:32 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sabrinamariYesterday I noticed a new pattern: I am starting to be OK with pissing people off, particularly when it happens as a result of taking care of myself/prioritizing my own needs. This is an important sign of growth.
I have a longstanding pattern of being a people pleaser. In the past, I would work terribly hard to please the people I cared about, even if hurt my interests to do so. It was also very hard for me to simply accept their angry, disapproving feelings and move ahead with plans that were great for me, but didn't work well for them.
But in the last several weeks, I've repeatedly faced the displeasure of people I care about in order to prioritize my own needs and move ahead towards goals that are important to me. I can think of three---four--- such friends off of the top of my head.
Hearing their displeasure, I've been able to acknowledge it, listen to them and affirm the importance of their feelings while still continuing on the course that's right for me.
I think I'm growing up.
As Scott Smith says on "Motivation to Move", I have to decide my own course and then stick to it, because every day I will encounter perfectly lovely people, including good friends, who have their own plans for me and my time. And if I don't respect my goals enough to hold to them, how can I reach them?
What a great opportunity to learn how to set better boundaries.
Now I'm pleased. :)
I have a longstanding pattern of being a people pleaser. In the past, I would work terribly hard to please the people I cared about, even if hurt my interests to do so. It was also very hard for me to simply accept their angry, disapproving feelings and move ahead with plans that were great for me, but didn't work well for them.
But in the last several weeks, I've repeatedly faced the displeasure of people I care about in order to prioritize my own needs and move ahead towards goals that are important to me. I can think of three---four--- such friends off of the top of my head.
Hearing their displeasure, I've been able to acknowledge it, listen to them and affirm the importance of their feelings while still continuing on the course that's right for me.
I think I'm growing up.
As Scott Smith says on "Motivation to Move", I have to decide my own course and then stick to it, because every day I will encounter perfectly lovely people, including good friends, who have their own plans for me and my time. And if I don't respect my goals enough to hold to them, how can I reach them?
What a great opportunity to learn how to set better boundaries.
Now I'm pleased. :)
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Pattern Breaking
Date: 2008-07-24 01:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-24 01:31 pm (UTC)Good for you! You rock lady!
Great words of wisdom
Date: 2008-07-24 01:37 pm (UTC)Congratulations to you! It is a great thing to be able to take care of yourself!
no subject
Date: 2008-07-24 01:44 pm (UTC)The other day on a conference call one of the people said she wanted us to send-out reminders about work-items that were due. I said since the due-date were in the original requests, I would communicate changes in dates but it was up to her to schedule and manage her own work. She was not happy with me, but that's too bad.
no subject
Date: 2008-07-24 01:57 pm (UTC)Rock on!
no subject
Date: 2008-07-24 02:29 pm (UTC)LOVE this photo, by the way!
no subject
Date: 2008-07-24 02:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-24 02:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-24 03:57 pm (UTC)But it's OK.
Stick to your course
*wink & smooch*
but seriously though...
Date: 2008-07-24 04:03 pm (UTC)People close to you are often resistant or resentful of changes you make in yourself and your interactions with others. They usually don't mean to be inflexible, they just have gotten used to you the way you are and are frightened by change.
Lord knows I've seen that happen a lot in my own life.
no subject
Date: 2008-07-24 04:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-24 06:43 pm (UTC)hee hee! just kidding.
Good for you!
no subject
Date: 2008-07-24 06:58 pm (UTC)GOOD.
no subject
Date: 2008-07-25 06:19 am (UTC)*hugs* (I like to hug you, 'cuz it pleases me, and you're hot! ;)
no subject
Date: 2008-07-25 12:15 pm (UTC){hugging you back}
no subject
Date: 2008-07-25 08:25 pm (UTC)I understnad.
THe powerof the word 'NO", and the ability to NOT worry about other people's plans for me.
Yeah. I'm SO there!
Hugs!
no subject
Date: 2008-07-28 04:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-28 05:02 pm (UTC)Goose Bumps
Date: 2008-09-24 10:57 pm (UTC)