"Compassionate Abiding" Practice
Jun. 2nd, 2008 08:32 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sabrinamariDuring the last of our four weekend sessions with Pema, she taught us a practice called "Compassionate Abiding". It can be done as a formal meditation practice, but it's easier to do "in the moment" as events that trigger unpleasant feelings emerge in our lives.
Pema explains it beautifully, but a much more basic summary goes like this:
When you encounter a situation that produces uncomfortable emotions in your mind and heart, instead of "pushing away" the feeling, you catch yourself, pause, and then reverse what you are doing. You stop "pushing away" or "avoiding" the feeling; you stop doing whatever it is you habitually do when uncomfortable feelings like anger, sadness, jealousy, envy and rage emerge. For myself, I often start eating compulsively or I say something defensive or think something mean.
When you catch yourself in this cycle, you stop yourself.
You take a deep breath.
Then you "drop the storyline". This means that you let go of whatever rational reasons or "stories" accompany your anger or sadness (my example: "It's so unfair...ever since _____ began working closely with me, other folks at work are treating me so much more coldly, and I just don't deserve this.")
Whatever your story line is, you just drop it.
Then you breathe in the uncomfortable feeling, metaphorically opening your arms to it and inviting it in.
And as you breath out, you breath out something that the situation needs: courage, comfort, peace--- something useful and positive.
You keep doing this, "riding the waves" of the emotional energy you are feeling and staying with it: staying fully present with it and with the situation. If there is another person there, you stay fully with them and what is happening as you "ride the wave". You stay, and you refrain from your habitual response to that person.
In this way, the feelings---and the encounters that trigger them---eventually lose their power to "run you," and you slowly gain the ability to sit still and fully feel without acting out.
One goal of this practice is to become a person who can add more sanity to the world instead of automatically "acting out" and making things worse when you feel triggered. [EDIT: See the entry above for another really important goal.]
I write about this because I am practicing it this morning. I am sad because of the coldness I am experiencing at work. I am struggling with this sadness, which is sometimes covered over with anger at my co-workers.
Still, they give me an opportunity to expand who I am and enhance my sanity-contributing skills.The colleagues who have helped inspire this sadness and anger are good teachers for me: good allies in helping me to become stronger, wiser and kinder.
Perhaps, at some deep unconscious level, we all know our roles in this little drama, and we are playing them out simply to help each other grow.
Pema explains it beautifully, but a much more basic summary goes like this:
When you encounter a situation that produces uncomfortable emotions in your mind and heart, instead of "pushing away" the feeling, you catch yourself, pause, and then reverse what you are doing. You stop "pushing away" or "avoiding" the feeling; you stop doing whatever it is you habitually do when uncomfortable feelings like anger, sadness, jealousy, envy and rage emerge. For myself, I often start eating compulsively or I say something defensive or think something mean.
When you catch yourself in this cycle, you stop yourself.
You take a deep breath.
Then you "drop the storyline". This means that you let go of whatever rational reasons or "stories" accompany your anger or sadness (my example: "It's so unfair...ever since _____ began working closely with me, other folks at work are treating me so much more coldly, and I just don't deserve this.")
Whatever your story line is, you just drop it.
Then you breathe in the uncomfortable feeling, metaphorically opening your arms to it and inviting it in.
And as you breath out, you breath out something that the situation needs: courage, comfort, peace--- something useful and positive.
You keep doing this, "riding the waves" of the emotional energy you are feeling and staying with it: staying fully present with it and with the situation. If there is another person there, you stay fully with them and what is happening as you "ride the wave". You stay, and you refrain from your habitual response to that person.
In this way, the feelings---and the encounters that trigger them---eventually lose their power to "run you," and you slowly gain the ability to sit still and fully feel without acting out.
One goal of this practice is to become a person who can add more sanity to the world instead of automatically "acting out" and making things worse when you feel triggered. [EDIT: See the entry above for another really important goal.]
I write about this because I am practicing it this morning. I am sad because of the coldness I am experiencing at work. I am struggling with this sadness, which is sometimes covered over with anger at my co-workers.
Still, they give me an opportunity to expand who I am and enhance my sanity-contributing skills.The colleagues who have helped inspire this sadness and anger are good teachers for me: good allies in helping me to become stronger, wiser and kinder.
Perhaps, at some deep unconscious level, we all know our roles in this little drama, and we are playing them out simply to help each other grow.
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no subject
Date: 2008-06-02 02:42 pm (UTC)See you next week!
no subject
Date: 2008-06-02 03:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-06-02 04:20 pm (UTC)I have been more able to stop and look "logically" at situations and look at why I've been pushed into the irrational and often elongating negatives of an event. To look at what is causing the situation, to understand better my actions and reactions, and to understand the other person and speak with them in a way to resolve instead of lashing out and continuing the bad situation.
May I repost this to my Inanna filter?
no subject
Date: 2008-06-02 04:45 pm (UTC)It makes sense that you are working with this material and these particular challenges: they are especially likely to emerge during Neophyte and Neophyte-like periods.
You are doing good work, radiant_one.
no subject
Date: 2008-06-02 06:14 pm (UTC)Sometimes it is nice to know there is a framework. Apparently, I discover I'm building/following a framework and then can find the resource for better research/reading/learning of the framework. This makes sense to me. I've never been a person to read a bunch of different philosophies and then find the one that fits me. I'll be doing some reading on Pema now. My eyes are open wider and recognizing opportunities along the path.
Thank you for sharing and your encouragement!
no subject
Date: 2008-06-02 04:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-06-02 04:42 pm (UTC)I can't wait to spend time with you; I have several things for you.
no subject
Date: 2008-06-02 05:18 pm (UTC)This is a great exercise. Thanks for sharing it. Looking forward to seeing you - next week!!!
no subject
Date: 2008-06-03 09:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-06-03 12:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-06-03 09:47 am (UTC)Love you, honey!
no subject
Date: 2008-06-03 01:14 am (UTC)Surprisingly, I don't need any help dealing with the plane delay tonight. I'm actually surprisingly calm and okay about it. :-) I do hope we get out of here tonight, but I'm not freaking out and having fits. Guess I'm just getting better about dealing with things.
no subject
Date: 2008-06-03 09:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-06-03 04:08 am (UTC)whoever would be cold to you is certainly in need of an increase sanity quotient. thank you for posting - i will try to work with this when i struggle with isolation in the crowd of law school students.
no subject
Date: 2008-06-03 09:49 am (UTC)Will we see you there?
no subject
Date: 2008-06-03 06:37 am (UTC)I know I'm really lucky that it's happening less and less at this point in my life, but it's an awful panicky feeling that squeezes my entire torso and throat and makes me feel paralysed with fear and anger. I find that when I don't remember to do it at the time, it's still really useful if I can remember to do it deliberately later - my body still reacts to the memory of it, very strongly indeed. When I don't think of that, the "hangover" stays with me until I'm forced to do something.
no subject
Date: 2008-06-03 09:44 am (UTC)