Happy Birthday arielmn!

[sabrinamari]

I hope your day was wonderful!

Comments

[arielmn.livejournal.com]

Thank you, sabrinamari You know, it was pretty darn good! ;)

Body Language of Narcissists Article

[(Anonymous)]

Dear Sabrina:

I find extremely interesting and helpful your articles on narcissism. One question I have however, is that in the article on the Body Language of Narcissists, you refer to "abusers" or "the abuser" through most of the article. Should the reader conclude therefore, that most, if not all narcissists are abusers, i.e. abusive? Is the term "abuser" meant to be read as synonymous with a narcissist? I am just curious. I do know, that there are antisocial types who are also abusive, and may be described as abusers. I am just wondering. The narcissist that I (unfortunately) opened my heart two over the course of two years, was indeed emotionally and verbally abusive, yet practically at the same time, incredibly charismatic, intelligent and entertaining. So, I would consider him an abuser of at least one of his narcissistic suppliers, namely me. Thanks for any reply. (Maybe I missed something in the context of the article).

Deb in PA

Re: Body Language of Narcissists Article

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

Actually, these aren't my work: I found them on the net. Thank you for pointing this out---I need to go back and make sure that I attribute authorship appropriately on each of these entries.

Originally they were filtered posts saved only for my own use. I only recently unlocked them, thus the sloppy attribution. I got them off a website with numerous articles and links to an online support group for current and former partners of narcissists which, interestingly enough, are written by/run by Sam Vaknin, a man who has himself been diagnosed with narcissism.

The wording is his. The articles are pulled from his book---I think it may be an e-book---on dealing effectively with narcissists. From reading his work and the work of other authors, I came to the conclusion that narcissists are inherently unable to function healthily in intimate relationships for any extended length of time. That's my take on this.

The language of "abuse/abuser" is strong. I think that it is an attempt to convey the high likelihood that narcissists will cause damage to most intimate relationships because they simply do not have the tools to do otherwise. And based on what I have read, the very problems that rob them of these tools prevent them from healing the condition. Most experts say that narcissists have a very poor prognosis for recovery.

Whether this means that all narcissists can be called abusers can be endlessly debated. I prefer to think of narcissists as particularly toxic and immature persons trapped within the constraints of their disorder. Does this make them evil? Does this make them "abusers"?

Often, they use tactics of abuse, but I don't think it's necessarily malicious: it's all they know and all they can manage.

I used to think of the narcissist in my life as a Komodo Dragon. He isn't evil, but you better damn well stay out of his reach if you want to remain whole and happy.

My general policy in life, which I am slowly putting into better and better practice, is to steer clear of Komodo Dragons while wishing them well---from a safe distance.

Here's a link to Sam Vaknin's site:

http://www.healthyplace.com/Communities/personality_disorders/narcissism/faq_index.html