Policy Changes II

[sabrinamari]

So, here are my new policies, now that I've had time to talk/communicate with many folks privately on a one-to-one basis:


1. If a relationship is going in a direction that feels unhealthy and unproductive, I'll say so and explain why several times. I will ask that we set aside time to explore the issues carefully, so that both people can speak and listen. mage_imbroglio calls this open articulation of your issues "taking care of your side of the street".

2. If the other person is willing to do this too, great (that's taking care of *their* side of the street)! We'll work on it together and see where we can go. If not, or if we cannot resolve the issue so that it feels healthy to me, I'm moving on while wishing the other person well. Each person is a free agent who has the right to judge what they will and will not do. That's the way it should be. But if someone decides not to come to the table/shift direction productively, I will no longer invest time and energy into that relationship.

3. If I am in a in hierarchical teaching/Craft relationship, and set a boundary or ask for a change in behavior, I'm happy to discuss it and open to listening to other's perspectives. But if I end up feeling it's an important change, and no change is forthcoming, I am going to stop investing my time and energy into that relationship. I will move on. Again, I wish the person well, but there will be others who are willing/able to walk with me along the path I am creating. They will get my energy.

4. The upshot: I won't go in any direction that isn't taking me where I want to go, no matter who is walking there or how much I care about them. I simply won't lend my energy to endeavors that don't feel good (i.e., healthy) to me.

Some wisdom I recently heard from my mage_imbroglio:


There are two questions you must ask in life. Asking them in the right order is crucial for happiness:

1. Where am I going?

2. Who will come with me?

I know where I'm going and I'm happy to walk with those who decide to come with me. But no matter who goes where, I'm sticking to my own true path.

So mote it be.

Comments

New Policy

[ingridsummers.livejournal.com]

Sounds great! I hope to walk with you in at least some areas in your life.

See you soon!

[catpaw67.livejournal.com]

So mote it be! Good for you for being able to so clearly understand what you need and what works for you. Strong boundaries are a very healthy thing.

[shades-of-nyx.livejournal.com]

Awesome!
I hope I can learn to "take care of my side of the street" well enough to stay on the road with you.
I certainly acknowledge that I'm not there yet.
Why don't we talk about how to get there as step one?!

[evaelisabeth.livejournal.com]

Healthy boundaries and policies.

[vgnwtch.livejournal.com]

Something you might find useful from the risk assessment section of a training course I attended the other weekend (you may have already seen this):

1. To get a visual representation of the risk and impact of a certain situation, make a grid. The left-hand column cells are marked Low, Medium, and High, and show the likelihood of a particular thing happening if you carry on as you are, and the bottom row of cells are also marked Low, Medium, and High, and represent the impact it will have.

You can use it to prioritise by seeing what most urgently needs to be dealt with, and what can be quickly cleared up or safely let go. We had a grand time with an imaginary charity failing to make their officers fully accessible to people with disabilities, but you can use it for any project.

2. Once you've identified your problems, you can check the 4 Ts: Transfer, Tolerate, Treat, Terminate. Transferring a problem means making it someone else's responsibility (i.e. the risk/impact of a house fire is horrific if you're not insured; but if you get insurance, it's the company's job to come up with the ready money to cover it); Toleration is for those things that are low risk/impact, and that you feel alright living with; Treating is dealing with the problem in-house (your responsibility); and Termination is pretty obvious.

3. RACI is a good way of remembering: Responsible, Accountable, Consulted, and Informed. It's all about being clear about roles and duties.

And I remembered that for a whole week.

[jasminewind.livejournal.com]

Yeah, but you mis-spelled prioritize.

;-)

Seriously, excellent system!

[vgnwtch.livejournal.com]

You misspelled mis-spelled. I won't tell ;)

[vgnwtch.livejournal.com]

You misspelled mis-spelled. I won't tell ;)

I was impressed by the system - simple stuff, and very useful. I love it when my voluntary workplaces send me on training days! Makes me feel almost like a grown-up.

[evaelisabeth.livejournal.com]

Interesting.

[sligoe.livejournal.com]

Yes. You must walk your own path, regardless of those who walk with you.

I want to walk with you. Let's talk about how that happens. :)

Hugs.

[diekonigin.livejournal.com]

Brilliant changes, be it craft or personal life. Kudos.

[roy-batty.livejournal.com]

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

laughing!