"It is our responsibility to thrive."
Mar. 5th, 2008 08:33 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sabrinamariThe friend who taught me about Element Money told me this a few years ago. I have been thinking about it. I turned it around in my head:
"It is my responsibility to thrive."
What does that really mean? The key words I pull out here are "my," "responsibility," and "thrive".
To me, "my" means that I must never forget my own agency. Agency is the power to do, to act and to move in the world. I am fortunate to live without a physical or cognitive disability, although I do get foggy sometimes. I am an adult with full ability to decide, to act, and to move. I am an active agent on my own behalf.
Other people influence my actions, and other people constrain me, but ultimately, I choose how much power I am going to give them to shape my immediate world. Here I'm thinking of friends, my partner, and my co-workers. Even my boss: I choose whether to remain in his employment or not. If I can't quit immediately, I *can* make a long-term plan to quit and act on it consistently over time. Though I must work with my friends and colleagues, I give them the power to anger me or not, to influence me or not. Same with my partner/spouse. If I don't thrive, I can't lay the reasons for that at his door.
For me, "responsibility," means taking up the requirements of adulthood and executing them in a calm and graceful manner whenever possible. As an adult living without disabilities, I am responsible to feed myself, care for my own health, maintain inner and outer balance and provide for my future. Again, my family and friends can help me or hinder me in this, but if I cannot meet my responsibilities as an adult, I can't lay the blame on them.
Social, political and economic circumstances can aid or constrain me: I could have been born a poor Puerto Rican in Newark's roughest neighborhood, or I could have been a Rockafeller. I don't control that, so my responsibility is not to meet some outer 'objective standard', but simply to do everything in my power----to act on my own agency consistently and wisely---to meet my responsibilities in the best way I can. And I know when I am acting in this way and when I am not.
"Thrive' means 'flourish' for me: first, to be happy and to live in joy. Second, to create as physically healthy and balanced a body as is possible. Third, to choose and draw close friends and family who help me become the best I can be rather than enabling me/encouraging me to be less. But even if they do the latter, it's not their fault: it's mine, because I choose them and I keep them close. 'Thrive' also means to flourish financially: to have enough to cover the costs of my healthcare, my travel needs, and my retirement needs. Again, as an adult living without disabilities, I can learn to make good choices that will allow me to flourish even with modest resources. And if the resources are just too modest, I can choose to live a different way and generate more income.
There are many powerful social determinants of health and well being: education, social class, cultural capital, social capital and social support, prejudice and bias, area resources or lack thereof...all of these matter, and all of them constrain or facilitate what I can do. But none of them keep me from trying and striving to move towards happiness, health and financial peace.
There is a balance between taking personal responsibility for myself/acknowledging my own agency and recognizing the very real cultural, social and political factors that can block me, hurt me and hold me back.
All my work seems to center on pinpointing this balance. How can we understand the lives and choices of poor urban Puerto Rican women living with HIV/AIDS without either de-emphasizing the structural violence they face or robbing them of their dignity, their power, and their agency?
And how can I best confront those factors that hold me back without burying my own very real power to direct my life into happiness, health and peace?
"It is my responsibility to thrive."
What does that really mean? The key words I pull out here are "my," "responsibility," and "thrive".
To me, "my" means that I must never forget my own agency. Agency is the power to do, to act and to move in the world. I am fortunate to live without a physical or cognitive disability, although I do get foggy sometimes. I am an adult with full ability to decide, to act, and to move. I am an active agent on my own behalf.
Other people influence my actions, and other people constrain me, but ultimately, I choose how much power I am going to give them to shape my immediate world. Here I'm thinking of friends, my partner, and my co-workers. Even my boss: I choose whether to remain in his employment or not. If I can't quit immediately, I *can* make a long-term plan to quit and act on it consistently over time. Though I must work with my friends and colleagues, I give them the power to anger me or not, to influence me or not. Same with my partner/spouse. If I don't thrive, I can't lay the reasons for that at his door.
For me, "responsibility," means taking up the requirements of adulthood and executing them in a calm and graceful manner whenever possible. As an adult living without disabilities, I am responsible to feed myself, care for my own health, maintain inner and outer balance and provide for my future. Again, my family and friends can help me or hinder me in this, but if I cannot meet my responsibilities as an adult, I can't lay the blame on them.
Social, political and economic circumstances can aid or constrain me: I could have been born a poor Puerto Rican in Newark's roughest neighborhood, or I could have been a Rockafeller. I don't control that, so my responsibility is not to meet some outer 'objective standard', but simply to do everything in my power----to act on my own agency consistently and wisely---to meet my responsibilities in the best way I can. And I know when I am acting in this way and when I am not.
"Thrive' means 'flourish' for me: first, to be happy and to live in joy. Second, to create as physically healthy and balanced a body as is possible. Third, to choose and draw close friends and family who help me become the best I can be rather than enabling me/encouraging me to be less. But even if they do the latter, it's not their fault: it's mine, because I choose them and I keep them close. 'Thrive' also means to flourish financially: to have enough to cover the costs of my healthcare, my travel needs, and my retirement needs. Again, as an adult living without disabilities, I can learn to make good choices that will allow me to flourish even with modest resources. And if the resources are just too modest, I can choose to live a different way and generate more income.
There are many powerful social determinants of health and well being: education, social class, cultural capital, social capital and social support, prejudice and bias, area resources or lack thereof...all of these matter, and all of them constrain or facilitate what I can do. But none of them keep me from trying and striving to move towards happiness, health and financial peace.
There is a balance between taking personal responsibility for myself/acknowledging my own agency and recognizing the very real cultural, social and political factors that can block me, hurt me and hold me back.
All my work seems to center on pinpointing this balance. How can we understand the lives and choices of poor urban Puerto Rican women living with HIV/AIDS without either de-emphasizing the structural violence they face or robbing them of their dignity, their power, and their agency?
And how can I best confront those factors that hold me back without burying my own very real power to direct my life into happiness, health and peace?
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no subject
Date: 2008-03-05 04:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-03-06 04:21 pm (UTC)After my last divorce, I had to overcome many obstacles to regain my health and equilibrium. I made a conscious decision to not allow myself to be railroaded into anything I didn't want. That meant a whole new level of responsibility, and a new set of moral values as well---ones that included treating *me* with respect and love. It's tough to do, after many years of sacrificing yourself to the temple of "everyone else's needs"---but it can be done. I think I am stronger and healthier, with a better attitude toward life than I have ever been before, and every day can only get better.
Recognizing what can and can't hurt me---and taking the appropriate steps to include or discard those things---is the lifelong goal of a true, responsible adult. I won't know if I'm successful until I leave this world---but I can keep working at it for the rest of the time I have.