'Find my Friends'

Oh nos...I have to be really accurate now when Michael calls me and says," Hey, are you on your way home yet?" He asked if he could put the 'Find my Friends' app on my new phone and now he can tell exactly where I am at any given moment. [Laughing...]

This would bother me if I weren't really transparent anyway. But actually, this works well for me because he won't have to call or text just to figure out where I am. He can just look.

But I won't be able to say, "Oh yeah, um I just left," when really I forgot to leave on time and now I'm scrambling to shut down my computer and get out of the office really, really fast. Actually, i think it's a good thing. Anything that helps me be a little more authentic is probably a good thing. Also, when I am completely lost (which happens while driving a fair amount) he can figure out where the hell I am even if I'm not exactly sure of it.

Generosity of spirit

Today I'm thinking about the incredibly important role that generosity plays in relationships. Here, I mean a generosity of spirit---the kind of feeling that inclines you to trust in your partner's good sense and overall good will towards you, even during difficult encounters. Lately Michael and I have been talking about how we can tackle some of our career and money-related issues, and I've noticed that although these discussions could easily become tense and difficult, they don't.

Instead of falling into unproductive habits of shaming, blaming and being defensive, we mostly just walk right past those pitfalls and go straight into brainstorming solutions. I've also been thinking about how rarely we fight, and noticing that when we do, it's usually pretty fast-moving: he encourages me to talk, we alternate talking and listening, and even when hard things are said, it's usually OK. I think this happens because each of us is very convinced of the other's good will. Each of us feels generous towards the other, even when we feel scared or angry or defensive. That generosity of spirit isn't so much a feeling as it is a fundamental orientation, a way of seeing each other in the world.

I think I've spent so many years living with this more generous orientation that I've forgotten what it's like to live in a relationship without it. That's an encouraging thought---for almost a decade and a half I lived in a relationship that completely lacked generosity. And before then, I think I only experienced it once, for about two years, maybe less. Yet only six years of a different, healthier kind of experience has been enough to completely reorient my thinking and shift my world view. Those are pretty good numbers. And if I think about it, they get even better. It probably took me only about four years to adopt the new paradigm completely, even after a lifetime lived mostly without it.

So...this tells me that generosity can be learned, and profound shifts can happen in relatively short amounts of time. Hmmmmmm.

Phone is being wonky

Hey loves, my phone isn't picking up the data network well today. Don't fret if I fail to return texts or email. I can't seem to send or pick up either on my cell with any regularity.

Boy with Maasai Spear

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Sci-fi geekery

Hmm, one of my friends' posts just noted that Terry Pratchett's new Discworld novel, Snuff, focuses on Sam Vimes, one of my favorite fictional characters of all time.

I will be spending this evening in the bookstore, soaking up literary crack.

See you later.