Pleasure-drugged morning

I had many FoV posts percolating in my being, but they've gradually fallen away. Maybe the important pieces---the ones that needed writing out---are done for now. Or perhaps the amorphous ones will return in a happier form later.

As I went to bed last night, I could sense something relaxing inside me, something shifting into an easier, sweeter form. I woke up feeling the same way. I wonder what it is.

EDIT: Oh, I just figured out what this feeling is. It's the feeling that everything is going to be alright.

Beautiful shift

Still feeling tremendous trust and love, like someone is whispering to me that everything I've dreamed of is coming my way. I can almost literally hear it. Wow. This feels so different than the weeks before FoV. I am so grateful for the shift!

Freedom

I should be asleep, but instead I'm pondering the goodness of things. I've been asking my delicious man for more freedom---more actual freedom, instead of the theoretical freedom I've had but have hardly ever taken. I want to go see Kelly and Abe regularly and get more involved in FoV planning. I want to visit Christine and O, and I want to see new places and do new things, meeting new people on my own.

He's intensely focused on his new business, and he won't be nearly as involved with FoV or at other gatherings next year, so our timing is good.

Still, his solid, protective nature isn't used to this new independence and he's having to adjust a bit. He's doing it gracefully, openly and honestly---even telling me outright when he feels uncomfortable or worried that I will stray too far away from him and not come back. I love that. He's so brave and kind, even when he's nervous. Part of the reason I can explore new paths is that I've finally realized that I don't have to give up all the good things I already have---like him---in order to feel more and take greater delight into my life.

I think that was part of what I was so worried about before FoV. Now, I can see that it doesn't have to be traumatic.

As O told me, "Venus pays well. That's why I work for her."