Past and future meet
Mar. 10th, 2012 11:39 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sabrinamariThe last few days have been like an overlap between past and future in several different ways, but one of them has to do with past friends and future friends, past books and future books.
My friend B. was part of the Elizabeth, NJ HIV community when I did my dissertation research there a decade plus ago. His memorial service was supposed to be today, in the church where his support group met for many years. But when I arrived at 10 am I discovered that the service is actually tomorrow at 2:30.
This is a problem, because weeks ago I agreed to meet with my co-author in Philadelphia for the afternoon and evening so we could work on our next steps together. He set aside time between a trip to a pagan gathering and another to a work meeting just to hammer on this manuscript collaboratively. Moreover, he has prepared assiduously for it.
When I discovered the conflict, I was really torn: where should my first loyalties lie? With the community I loved that had been so good to me a decade ago, or with my new collaborator and friend who had organized TWO TRIPS around the promise that I would see him?
Fortunately, I was able to draw on an entirely new skill set, and I negotiated for what I wanted.
My co-author was open, gracious, kind and flexible. Now I'll be able to attend B.'s service, drive to Philly, arrive late, work on the book with him until we collapse, then crash there. In the morning, I'll be able to get out super-early and drive into work with a fleshed-out outline, chapter work assignments for each of us (I hope!) and the knowledge that I stayed true to the friends who were so good to me a decade ago. It's a win-win for us all.
Strangely, I found myself passing Nerina's old apartment on the way to the memorial today, and I unexpectedly drove by Nini's street on my way to a class last Wednesday. I haven't been near either spot since each of them, both dear friends, died over a decade ago.
They're both in my book.
New books, old books, new friends, old friends. It's a eerie overlap.
My friend B. was part of the Elizabeth, NJ HIV community when I did my dissertation research there a decade plus ago. His memorial service was supposed to be today, in the church where his support group met for many years. But when I arrived at 10 am I discovered that the service is actually tomorrow at 2:30.
This is a problem, because weeks ago I agreed to meet with my co-author in Philadelphia for the afternoon and evening so we could work on our next steps together. He set aside time between a trip to a pagan gathering and another to a work meeting just to hammer on this manuscript collaboratively. Moreover, he has prepared assiduously for it.
When I discovered the conflict, I was really torn: where should my first loyalties lie? With the community I loved that had been so good to me a decade ago, or with my new collaborator and friend who had organized TWO TRIPS around the promise that I would see him?
Fortunately, I was able to draw on an entirely new skill set, and I negotiated for what I wanted.
My co-author was open, gracious, kind and flexible. Now I'll be able to attend B.'s service, drive to Philly, arrive late, work on the book with him until we collapse, then crash there. In the morning, I'll be able to get out super-early and drive into work with a fleshed-out outline, chapter work assignments for each of us (I hope!) and the knowledge that I stayed true to the friends who were so good to me a decade ago. It's a win-win for us all.
Strangely, I found myself passing Nerina's old apartment on the way to the memorial today, and I unexpectedly drove by Nini's street on my way to a class last Wednesday. I haven't been near either spot since each of them, both dear friends, died over a decade ago.
They're both in my book.
New books, old books, new friends, old friends. It's a eerie overlap.
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Date: 2012-03-10 11:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-10 11:50 pm (UTC)Hugs!
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Date: 2012-03-10 11:55 pm (UTC)