Another revelation
Mar. 6th, 2012 08:42 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sabrinamariI just got another message that's been reverberating through every part of my life over the last few months: when people value you, that value is reflected primarily in the actions they take towards you. Words are important, but they pale beside actions.
1. Look primarily at actions, not words.
2. Do not remain where you are either not valued or undervalued.
3. You get what you settle for---and this is tricky: you don't necessarily get what you ask for---you get what you are actually willing to settle for ...in other words, what you really believe you deserve. To change your circumstances, you must first deeply and truly believe that you deserve something better.
4. Assuming that you can make that leap...go to where you are valued. This means go where you are well-treated, well-compensated, and non-expendable. It is very important to do what you love, choose what and who you love, and give yourself to the experience whole-heartedly. But if you are not adequately valued (which is predicated first on your ability to adequately value yourself), the positive experience will not last, no matter how good it initially feels.
Oh, and how I get here: hang out with the kind of people I want to be, people who have already internalized the things I want to internalize and can continuously model how to do this: people who love themselves, value themselves, and do not settle for less than what they actually deserve.
****
I've been trying to articulate this last piece to myself for some time, but I didn't have the whole picture of exactly why I needed it so much until now.
****
I just got this: comparing three different people and three different circumstances across my life, I now see that you can care for someone deeply, even love them, and not actually value them sufficiently. I did not realize this before.
1. Look primarily at actions, not words.
2. Do not remain where you are either not valued or undervalued.
3. You get what you settle for---and this is tricky: you don't necessarily get what you ask for---you get what you are actually willing to settle for ...in other words, what you really believe you deserve. To change your circumstances, you must first deeply and truly believe that you deserve something better.
4. Assuming that you can make that leap...go to where you are valued. This means go where you are well-treated, well-compensated, and non-expendable. It is very important to do what you love, choose what and who you love, and give yourself to the experience whole-heartedly. But if you are not adequately valued (which is predicated first on your ability to adequately value yourself), the positive experience will not last, no matter how good it initially feels.
Oh, and how I get here: hang out with the kind of people I want to be, people who have already internalized the things I want to internalize and can continuously model how to do this: people who love themselves, value themselves, and do not settle for less than what they actually deserve.
****
I've been trying to articulate this last piece to myself for some time, but I didn't have the whole picture of exactly why I needed it so much until now.
****
I just got this: comparing three different people and three different circumstances across my life, I now see that you can care for someone deeply, even love them, and not actually value them sufficiently. I did not realize this before.
