communication demons
Dec. 9th, 2011 03:19 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sabrinamariMaybe I'll be able to sleep if I open my head.
This week---no, really since I got back from my parents---my life has been all about conversations: ultimately good, each challenging, all unavoidable and every one pushing me *hard* in one way or another.
I was certain that the first would end in a broken relationship. It didn't. It was painful, but no one died. We walked away closer than we've been in months. Neither of us held back, either.
Another was easier than expected. The third was about choking out words that seemed utterly ridiculous from the moment they left my mouth. Even worse, they were totally accurate reflections of my demons.
Two more were conversations that no one else wanted to have. About one I was repeatedly told, "Good luck. I'm glad I'm not the one doing it!" And I heard fear in those voices.
You know, that was the sweetest, easiest conversation of all. Sitting across from my conversation partner, I knew we weren't headed for rage. Despite everything I had been told and all the warnings I had been given, I could see my ally right there in her eyes. And she did not let me down.
There were tender conversations, too. And parts of the rougher ones were also very tender.
I'm left wondering what all of this is about. I don't know.
This week---no, really since I got back from my parents---my life has been all about conversations: ultimately good, each challenging, all unavoidable and every one pushing me *hard* in one way or another.
I was certain that the first would end in a broken relationship. It didn't. It was painful, but no one died. We walked away closer than we've been in months. Neither of us held back, either.
Another was easier than expected. The third was about choking out words that seemed utterly ridiculous from the moment they left my mouth. Even worse, they were totally accurate reflections of my demons.
Two more were conversations that no one else wanted to have. About one I was repeatedly told, "Good luck. I'm glad I'm not the one doing it!" And I heard fear in those voices.
You know, that was the sweetest, easiest conversation of all. Sitting across from my conversation partner, I knew we weren't headed for rage. Despite everything I had been told and all the warnings I had been given, I could see my ally right there in her eyes. And she did not let me down.
There were tender conversations, too. And parts of the rougher ones were also very tender.
I'm left wondering what all of this is about. I don't know.
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no subject
Date: 2011-12-09 11:35 am (UTC)It sounds like you're expanding your comfort zone and strengthening your roots and boundaries.
no subject
Date: 2011-12-09 02:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-09 02:40 pm (UTC)A shame we couldn't have all gotten together for a pajama party.
no subject
Date: 2011-12-12 10:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-12 10:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-12 11:00 pm (UTC){{{{Hugging you}}}}
no subject
Date: 2011-12-12 11:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-12 11:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-09 04:18 pm (UTC)