No spatial relationship(s)

[sabrinamari]

I do not have a brain that processes spatial relations well. I can write anything, I can talk to humans very successfully and I can think my way through almost any paradigm that does not involve numbers or equations. I'm not stupid. But I cannot get things to fit into, on top of, beneath or around other things. It's very, very frustrating!

I've been fighting this damn easel for ten solid minutes and I can see the holes where the screws should go and two slots that seem eerily appropriate to the two metal tabs I can identify and I CANNOT, CANNOT get this damn thing together!

What does it take, a frickin' Ph.D?

Well, I have one of those and I STILL can't get this damn thing together. I have consulted two other colleagues and neither of them can get it together, either. Three highly effective women cannot get one ridiculously simple-looking easel up and ready to take a flip chart.

This is ridiculous.

I am going to go get a man. Ten to one he will look at this thing once and put it together in 20 seconds.

****

Four minutes. He did it in four minutes. It took him about three minutes forty seconds to figure out that the two holes have nothing to do with the two screws and only one of the tabs goes into a slot. It was a bait-and-switch.

Comments

[spiffnolee.livejournal.com]

Does it feel weird to you when you successfully solve problems by referring to (gender) stereotypes? It makes me uncomfortable, but then it goes and works, and sometimes that's worse!

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

Sometimes it does feel weird and uncomfortable, However, I don't have an easy relationship with either gender stereotypes or their antipodes.

At times, it feels important and authentic to situate myself within a feminist discourse that rejects classic gender stereotypes.

And then there are moments that are all about deeply ingrained, Latino gender norms.

Those norms also often feel good and authentic, and they do not always play well with more egalitarian ways of being in and knowing the world.

So, in truth, they both sometimes feel good to me, and they both sometimes feel bad to me.

I resolve this by trusting that people who love me will be OK with both, and be able to adapt to both.

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

Every once in awhile, I listen to my non-Hispanic female peers talk, and I think, "Damn, just relax and let him do this," or "How about if you just let it unfold like so...," or "I bet your man can take care of that for you". Then I realize that I can never, never say that out loud.

Sometimes I've just got to swallow my words a little bit. A few weeks ago I asked why a friend hadn't just gone and removed his woman from a situation that made him really uncomfortable (a perfectly acceptable response in my bi-cultural world) and boy, was that inappropriate.

Really bad.

[spiffnolee.livejournal.com]

I have a journal entry on gender roles that's still gestating (as it were), but that will include some of this. So many of my friends struggle with gender issues, and it's painful to watch. Gender isn't arbitrary, though it can be unfair and constricting. It can also be equitable and liberating.

And it case it wasn't clear, I am of course one of those who will accept and adapt to both positions from you. If I didn't trust that you knew that, I would not have asked what would for many people be a very challenging question.

Also clear: I suffer from Liberal Guilt.

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

I will read your entries with interest. I'm fascinated by gender as a lens on the world, and as a mutable thing. It's a lot of fun to explore and play with.

I'm also clear that it's rotten when individual agency is compromised because of gender stereotypes/issues.

Lee, I know you will accept me as I am. I really appreciate this! And I am completely comfortable with Liberal Guilt.

For myself, I kind of want it to be OK for me to relax, occasionally, into some inflection of the roles into which I was imprinted. In cases where it doesn't limit agency, cause pain or damage, and it just makes me happy, I'd like to be able to wander into comfortable, familiar territory. Then, at other times, I want to be able to do something else completely.

It would be wonderful---just awesome---if sex and gender (roles...and bodies...) could be worn like accessories and shifted to adjust to the situation. That would be perfect.

Since I don't believe any of this stuff is essential, I often think, "Why can't we all just be flexible about things?".

Shrugging...

[the-smith-e.livejournal.com]

You know, there are ways around Liberal Guilt. ;-) Sorry, had to take it.

[akrissy.livejournal.com]

I was going to suggest "find an Admin" for skill set.

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

I provide regular amusement for the Admins around here. Seriously, I've now taken to wandering out when I am struggling with something and telling them about it just to hear them laugh.

[karmawings.livejournal.com]

I would say this is really funny except that you were so frustrated by it =)

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

You know, it is pretty funny.

[shakti-lemaris.livejournal.com]

I'm with you, but I'm also blessed to have a handful of *extremely* handy females in my immediate circles who can do things like put an easel together, change oil, and carry heavy junk up and down stairs, so I often get to avoid the gender-specific helpfulness issue.

[onyxtwilight.livejournal.com]

Yay for breaking gender rules!

Mind you, I still want a boy to take out the trash. I'll clean for hours, but taking out the trash is Someone Else's Job. I'm not a boy if the trash needs taking out.

Sadly, I didn't really get the putting-stuff-together gene. I can usually figure it out, but it's not easy and obvious to me. So I let other people do that, whenever possible.

I'll be over here making dinner. You're welcome. >:-)

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

We love it when you make dinner, honey. Yay!

The very best is when people can make dinner *and* put stuff together.

That is the awesome.

[windofvenus.livejournal.com]

My marriage is filled with gender roll switches. In the last week alone I got up too early to jump started the son's car, shoveled all the snow around the house, re-installed the cabinet doors under the bathroom sink and correctly diagnosed the son's car issues (3 of these 4 things my hubby just wouldn't have known how to do). My hubby is very intelligent, but he can't get a grip on the spacial relationships of things either. I deal with all the assembly of stuff in our house... so if I'm around and you're feeling challenged by something spacial... I'll help you! :-)

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

Dear gods, your husband won the lottery with you.

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

I pretty much adore people who can do cool things I can't. I really admire folks with brains that can handle stuff that makes me want to go huddle under my desk.

If they are women...lovely! I really like women and feel so comfortable with them. If they are men, it takes me a little bit longer to chillax around them, but it's also all good eventually.

I'm just impressed with analytic brains that can easily lift the things I struggle with most.

[onyxtwilight.livejournal.com]

Stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason. Sometimes -- even a lot of times -- they're just true. And that can be a good thing or a bad thing, but doesn't make it less true. And sometimes, things that are true, even when the truth is uncomfortable or annoying, are damned useful.

This is a case in point. Some things are boy jobs. Doesn't mean girls can't do them, doesn't mean all boys can do them. Just means that statistically, a guy is more likely to be able to do it well and quickly.

I do some boy jobs. I avoid others. :-)

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

And that, my love, is cool.

[showingup.livejournal.com]

You know this: Though there's more variation between members of the same gender than between genders, we are rigourously socialised, so of COURSE both feminist/egalitarian and our-current-version-of-traditional are both true and both false! Of COURSE it's OK to feel comfy with and freaked out by both! Of COURSE it's going to get awkward at times!

It's fine unless you just swallow one or the other and take it as The Unbendable Truth From Which Deviation Cannot Be Accepted.

I say this as the putting-the-flatpack-together and complex-detective-fiction-loving half of my marriage, as well as the computers-worry-me, trouble-with-maps, can-cook-will-cook, does-the-laundry-without-expecting-a-medal half... ;)

[wgseligman.livejournal.com]

"I have no grasp of spatial relationships" says the person who designs rituals that keep track of the circle and the movements of the HPS, HP, Summoner, and Maiden. Bah, humbug.

I firmly believe your difficulty with the easel has nothing to do with gender roles, and everything to do with experience. When I was a kid, I built Heathkits, not because I was male but because that's what interested me. When I was mis-scheduled into an auto workshop in high school, both the boys and the girls did equally well, since they had a teacher who was willing to go through every motion step-by-step.

There are things I can do and things I cannot do, but I don't accept "my brain isn't wired that way" as an explanation. Brains, like bodies, are amazingly versatile tools that can be shaped and trained to do new things.

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

I'm great with emotional and energetic relationships. Circles are made of those.

[angiedub.livejournal.com]

Roger that. My grandmother got me into putting together car models as a way of developing those skills, not so much as changing gender stereotypes, but because she saw that it was the kind of thing that I was interested in. She also taught my brother to cook and bake, same reasons.
She wished we were more "gender traditional" (my words), but she worked with what she had. And did it without recriminations.

[showingup.livejournal.com]

THIS!

I come from a long line of people who couldn't afford NOT to do basic DIY and who did a lot of manual labour. Not knowing one end of a screwdriver from another would have been ridiculous. Cheap furniture doesn't get handed down, so we all learned how to put it together from flatpack, etc.

T comes from a long line of people who could afford university educations and expected never to work with their hands. He was never taught how to do DIY because neither of his parents did that sort of thing.

We all have interests and flairs. I have no interest in cars, so I never bothered helping Dad underneath ours (I helped by cleaning the car and learning how to check the oil and holding things for him); my sister, though, was interested enough to get under there and poke around and learn. We both know how to saw a piece of wood and change the fuses and put flatpack together, because they were unavoidable.

Everything is about habit.

[showingup.livejournal.com]

And class! I bet there's more variation within cultures between classes than between cultures.

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

Interesting thought.

[angiedub.livejournal.com]

Or a woman friend who has worked in the trades. Sorry I live in Florida. It doesn't take a Ph.D., it takes experience working with your hands. Well, different experience than you've had. ;) And I AM a klutz, but good at putting things together.

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

That's awesome. I wish I could.

[hypanebliss.livejournal.com]

I get lost in parking lots sometimes and cannot figure out how to exit. No joke. (However, it is extremely amusing.)

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

I hear you. Really.

[diekonigin.livejournal.com]

My mom used to claim I had "no common sense" because, back when rockery store salad bars were brand new, I couldn't seem to get the lid to a plastic salad container snapped closed. I was maybe 12 or 13 at the time. I never lived that down!

In my experience, tasks and roles aren't gender oriented. I was brought up with my brother learning how to cook, and my learning how to mow the lawn, change the oil and use tools. While I respect others upbringings that might skew that jobs or tasks are gender oriented, I suspect that leaning heavily on them does fulfill needless stereotypes that are potentially negative or nonproductive.

[ingridsummers.livejournal.com]

Those types of problems are what makes me realize that despite all my girliness, I'm kind-of a guy. It might have taken me a bit more than 4 minutes, but maybe not. I do spatial tetris all the time.

But, then, I do have a big astral penis (long, funny, shamanic story).