(no subject)

[sabrinamari]

So, tonight I have really raised the bar for awkward screw ups. Sitting with Jennifer and going through all out paperwork, we discovered a couple of really embarrassing glitches. Just sort of, "Wow, you really did that?" moments. But Jennifer is my friend, and she knows me, and she knows that I have this awkward component to my personality, and she loves me anyway.

So then I get on the phone with a new friend, and everything is great, and then, of course...I thoughtlessly stumble into something awkward. Right at the end, too, just to make it worse. Of course, I apologize. But so what?

So then I get off the phone, sadly sit around with Jennifer, get a rub, take a deep breath, and get over it. Then Jennifer says, "OK, so there's one more thing you did that we really have to deal with tonight. This may be a little emotionally difficult."

You know this is going to be bad.

And she shows me a way in which my inattention to something important really fucked something up for someone who was trying to help me. The two of us just sit there, quietly, while I say to myself, "Is this really possible? Did I actually DO THIS?"

And the answer is yes, I actually did this, and now I have to write a letter of apology for an act of thoughtlessness that occurred IN JUNE, and I didn't even notice it until now, although it probably really fucked up someone's week.

If I could drug myself to sleep and wipe my memory of this evening at this moment, I would totally do it.

Comments

[onyxtwilight.livejournal.com]

Love you.

But no matter what Jack tells you, retcon is never the correct answer. :-)

[showingup.livejournal.com]

Yeah. If I was glamoured every time I messed up in humiliating and hurtful ways, I'd be a fat English version of poor Ginger at Fangtasia.

[glenmarshall.livejournal.com]

Sometimes things hurt. Yeah. But that does not diminish who you are or why I consider you my friend.

[divalion.livejournal.com]

Oh, sweetie! Love you and wish I could make it better. But your willingness to face up to things and try to make them right is a really honorable quality in you.

And letting the rest of us witness these moments when you feel like a screw-up allows us to love you all the more for your human-ness...we've certainly all been there ourselves.

[onyxtwilight.livejournal.com]

Pssst! She's secretly only doing it to model growth and openness and accountability for the rest of us. It's all part of her master plan.

(Don't tell anyone. >:-)

[showingup.livejournal.com]

She's a coaching genius! (this is true)

[evcelt.livejournal.com]

I'm with Divalion.

::hugs::

[diekonigin.livejournal.com]

Oh geez honey, I'm so sorry. I hope whomever was on the receiving end is as thoughtful, kind, graceful and forgiving as you are.

[rowanmoon69.livejournal.com]

The sad truth is you suffer from the same thing we all do-- being human. That means making mistakes. And, we all make them. You are unique, however: when you make one, you fess up to it and try to make it right. And, even if whomever you have wronged does not forgive you, you must remember to forgive yourself.

Hugs.

[showingup.livejournal.com]

OH MY GODS!

You're not PERFECT ALL THE TIME??!!

That's it - friendship over. I can't hang around with people who make mistakes, then face up to them and grow their integrity over time. I need people who GET IT RIGHT FIRST TIME, EVERY TIME.

/sarcasm

Time for a little self-compassion, kidder.

[evaelisabeth.livejournal.com]

(Hugs) we all screw up, sometimes spectacularly and in technicolor. Do what you can, learn the lesson and move on.

[tigira.livejournal.com]

It doesn't change how much we love you. Thank you for not always being perfect. To quote you, " you're my Sabrina," warts and all.

Guess what? You're still amazing.

And loved.

*hugs*

[brock-tn.livejournal.com]

If I could drug myself to sleep and wipe my memory of this evening at this moment, I would totally do it.

No, you wouldn't. Because that would obviate the opportunity you now have to learn and to grow, despite the pain you are obviously feeling at present.

Part of the process of becoming a fully-realized adult is learning to come to terms with our inadequacies, those ways where we fail to act in ways consistent with our Higher Self.

And we all of us do that.

The key steps here are to recognize what you have done, make what amends you may, and then figure out how not to act in that way again in the future. That's really all that any of us can do when we find ourselves in a situation like this.

Treasure your friend Jennifer. She must love you very much to be willing to cash reality checks for you the way she has.

[catbirdgirl.livejournal.com]

I am so in that boat frequently.

[arielmn.livejournal.com]

Oh dear heart. You are still amazing. Others might cast this aside, but lovely person you are FEEL. Growth model indeed. And I think there was a recent Pema quote about feeling uncomfortable...

You are loved

[sligoe.livejournal.com]

Dear heart, there are moments when you confront something that does not jive with your internal processes. You call these awkward moments. I think it's just a matter of coming across something that never occurred to you, because you are thinking on a different plane. You can't always make that shift with instantaneous ease. It's not awkwardness, because you are one of the most graceful and thoughtful people I know. It's just a glitch in processing that takes you by surprise, like a hiccup---and it happens to all of us, at the most embarassing times and in the most uncomfortable ways. You are not intentionally thoughtless or cruel, nor do you seek out these hiccups---they just happen. It's true of all of us human beings, sadly---but as someone else pointed out, these ar growth opportunities for you as well as for the other person. It hurts, it's painful to work through, but in the end there will be benefit to both of you.

Don't wish your life away---it's too precious to lose even one single moment, painful or no.

Hugs. Being "awkward" is, in a very real sense, the human condition.