Got it!

[sabrinamari]

This post is about what I've learned over the last four or five or six years about how groups come together to create great work. The facilitation I do with small teams of health care workers and the Priesting I've done in my spiritual life dovetail beautifully in this area. In each place, I help small groups learn to talk to each other, work together and use their dysfunctions to help make themselves---and the things they create---stronger and better.

Talking to Abe a few weeks ago I got of some of it out, but if I don't write it down either I will go crazy or it will be gone.

Here's the core thought:

It's the relationships that make or break the work.

The obvious thing, the commonsense thing, is for group members to focus their primary efforts on whatever it is they are trying to produce: high quality patient care, a gorgeous, deeply transformative ritual or a training group that births great Priest/esses.

This is absolutely the wrong thing to do.

The most stunningly beautiful results come not from focusing on the goal, the work, the end products themselves, but on the relationships amongst the people who come together to create them.

Focusing on healthy and loving relationships of trust promotes positive transformation among all those involved and creates a powerful, positive egregore.

It's the egregore that creates the work.

So, don't put your primary focus on the details of the work.

Put your primary focus on the creation of powerful, positive relationships of trust that will sustain and feed the group.

Focusing on the work itself is important, but secondary.

If you get the order right, you will create great work.

One big caveat: it's very important, at first, to bring together the right group of people to do the work.

But once this is done, most of the energy then needs to focus on creating and sustaining good relationships amongst them.

Comments

[catpaw67.livejournal.com]

You've often heard me talk about not being worried that the (event, ritual, class, whatever) will go well, but being worried about the relationship aspect. I know definitively in any situation that the deadline will be met and the end result will be fine. It's the road there, not for the project but for the people, that is a challenge.

This is the essence of building the container: building a place where the egregore can blossom safely, where it will not be stunted by fear or mistrust or (as is most often the case) poor communication.

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

*Nodding*

This makes great sense.

I was very curious to hear your thoughts about this. I will think on them more. Thank you.

[wgseligman.livejournal.com]

But how?

In the group in which I was trained, we had a great group mind. The HPS was friendly but not necessarily social with us; she made no particular effort to become our "friend" nor encouraged (nor discouraged) friendships among us.

In the group I teach, the group mind is faint and flailing. I encourage social interactions among my students, and I'm friendly with them, taking an interest in the problems of their lives.

Your advice seems good, but obviously I don't have a good model for the implementation!

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

Implementation is not easy. The first question is probably, "Do I have the right people?". This is about passion and fit: do they have a passion to be there, to take and to give in ways that only they can, and to be a part of this particular group? In term of fit, it's about *rightness* of the things they have to offer and the things they really, really need. Do they have strengths or insights or skilled ways of working that are necessary to the growth of the group? And just as critical, do they have important, insistent needs that can be fed by the group?

If the passion is there and the fit is good, feeding the relationships isn't so much about being socially friendly, although that usually just happens over time. It's about making sure that every voice is heard, helping to ensure that all are seen and acknowledged and treating people with integrity, mindfulness an kindness. It's about modeling great communication and good conflict resolution skills. It's about making sure each person is encouraged to work at the cutting edge of their skill set.

That's different, and much trickier, than making sure everyone has a nice social experience.

Being part of the group has to give their work meaning in some critical way, and they must see both how they are needed and what they want from it for themselves.

Those are my initial thoughts, anyway.

[wgseligman.livejournal.com]

You've obviously come back to your response (I get an e-mail every time you edit it) and there's lots of activity in this post. It makes me want to suggest that you teach your HPS/HP track again, focusing on skills leading to egregore development.

However, I'm NOT going to suggest this! Wait a few years until you have some free time again. I'll wait. *Looks at watch*

[showingup.livejournal.com]

My gut response is that if you're wanting to make a specific group of people who don't work that way work that way, there may be tears before bedtime; whereas, if you're wanting to focus on sharing the process of becoming people who can do that work that way, your Right People Right Now will stay or turn up, and your Not Right People Right Now will fall away.

Does that make sense?

[showingup.livejournal.com]

And I realised that a chunk of this is about the stakes involved.

People need to get used to Perfect Love & Perfect Trust, because our whole society is set up to shatter them. You simply can't have an unequal society in which a tiny minority hold most of the resources, most of the people share very few of them, and there's a small and shrinking group acting as a buffer between them lurking closer to the poor than the rich, if you have a culture steeped in Perfect Love & Perfect Trust.

So, if the whole culture mitigates AGAINST this healthy way of being-doing, people have to learn how to do it, and they have to build up competence and confidence. And we do that by:

a) Identifying how the various areas of our lives engage with these ideas
b) Identifying low-risk situations in which we can step up our levels of love and trust (working particularly on loving and trusting ourselves), including as a ritual group, and then
c) Building up the risks

And, for me, that means an egalitarian co-operative framework. We can recognise specific skill sets and responsibilities within that framework. There are implications for how such groups interpret that within B* and other Wiccan Trads, which I believe would work perfectly well.

[angiedub.livejournal.com]

"The obvious thing, the commonsense thing, is for group members to focus their primary efforts on whatever it is they are trying to produce:...This is absolutely the wrong thing to do."

That's funny, because I took a class on group dynamics and because it was a class, that's what most of my classmates focused on...the product, not the relationships. Of course, being the person I am, I always "went for the A", even in my early college career, so I didn't "need" the A the way some of my classmates did.

"One big caveat: it's very important, at first, to bring together the right group of people to do the work." Also of course, in college classes you kind of get who you get.

I have certainly found this to be so in other groups I've participated in though. The right mix of people will have people who complement each other, and it will be a very dynamic experience. I don't end up being the group maker though, but a group participant.

[brock-tn.livejournal.com]

Focusing on healthy and loving relationships of trust promotes positive transformation among all those involved and creates a powerful, positive egregore.

It's the egregore that creates the work.

Well yes, obviously. At least, it's rather MORE obvious now that you have pointed it out in such elegant and eloquent terms.

As I recently pointed out to someone in another place, and in another context, "perfect love and perfect trust" is not just just a trite little saying. Unfortunately, in my experience there are entirely too many people who are unwilling to let go of their dysfunctions, and enter into those healthy, loving relationships.

[showingup.livejournal.com]

I'm immediately reminded of Starhawk's books and Quaker processes.

I remember some people in my early B* days roundly dismissing Starhawk as "fluffy bunny" and not rigourous because of her decidedly wonky take on the concept of historical Paganism, yet her work describes this process really well - indeed, as I recall, 'Spiral Dance', 'Dreaming the Dark' and 'Truth to Power' were all explicitly about how to build this confidence and trust in a group and in individuals. My memory may be playing tricks here, as it's been a few years, though that's my deep abiding impression. I wasn't able to process it all in the way I am now, but it clearly made the impression.

Indeed, I have recently been gripped with the desire to go back over all sorts of material I dealt with in my 20s with older, rather more mature eyes.

And Quaker processes arose out of the same instinct: that people will gather together, wait in "gathered silence" to become unblocked from the Divine, and that this unblocking and allowing of the Divine to make its natural course through the group leads to the right outcome. As they've been doing it for 350+ years, they've created the frameworks which support that - though there's always the periodic struggle over what bits of the framework to strengthen, ditch, or keep as is. Traumatic at times, though good to work through.

[gracewillow.livejournal.com]

This is brilliant... can I copy it and bring it to my next circle? I think you're right and it should produce at the least some interesting discussions. Thanks!

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

Thank you, honey. Yes, copy it and take it to whatever context in which it is useful.

[brock-tn.livejournal.com]

I added it to my LJ memories list, because I just KNOW I'm going to want to come back and refer to this later. It's really that good.

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

Wow. I'm honored. Thank you, brock.

[sligoe.livejournal.com]

Im June, I went through a training course to facilitate a specific kind of meeting that is held at the IRS. Every group (we work in groups, for the most part, there are very few solo workers out there in our main Business Units) is required to hold this meeting, every year. It focuses on a survey that is also given/taken every year. These meetings have a way of turning into bitch-fests---and not at all productive, conducive to solid working relationships, and some have even ended careers.

I trained to be a facilitator in these meetings(had training back in 2003 for the same thing)---and the message that was subliminally imparted to us, (although it would be denied if anyone asked!) was that we were there to create and promote a positive working relationship between all parties. This is a HUGE responsibility, a HUGE privilege, and for some groups, a HUGE undertaking because they have been completely dysfunctional for a long time.

In most instances, these people have been thrown together---the manager most likely has not hired a single person, and so has to work with people who will not want his/her authority over them, will be certain that the manager doesn't know what they are doing, and carry baggage from long-standing careers that seem to be going nowhere. Out of this chaos, we have to get these people to work together, to celebrate their achievements and tackle their challenges.

For upper management, the idea is to get these groups to solve their own problems, without involving upper management. These folks know that, so they are not motivated. So we facilitators have to be able, very quickly, to establish lots of parameters with any given group of people, manage behaviors, encourage each person to speak up and be heard, and not ruffle anyone's feathers in the process---all to get to a specific goal. Your process works---and we have to implement this with folks who most likely won't see us again, so we have to leave them with something to work with when we're not around. It's exhausting, exhilarating, and scary as hell!

[showingup.livejournal.com]

Holy cow - YOU DO THIS FOR A LIVING!

*Is impressed*

[sligoe.livejournal.com]

Actually, what I do for a "living" is much more down to earth---I am a Technical Assistant for a group of IRS Engineers. This is a fancy way of saying that I get paid very little money to do a lot of the behind-the-scenes work of an Engineering group in the IRS---I'm the gopher, mommy, teacher, secretary, nurse, paymaster, case manager, budget manager, and all- around-good-guy for a group of 10 Engineers and Real Estate Appraisers. In general---if it's not about putting a value on something, I'm the one that does it. The meeting facilitator role is a "collateral" duty---a fancy term meaning you don't get anything extra (except the work) for doing the job. :)

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

Me too. : )

Yes!

[shakti-lemaris.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I'm so glad people are talking about this. I've been chewing on the proper way to add a requirement to all levels of B* training that would have to do with cultivating and maintaining healthy relationships with everyone in the group, without it sounding like, "You're all gonna get along or else!" ;-P

[zammis.livejournal.com]

Hmm- I'm just, I think, getting to the edge of this in my networking activities for my business. I joined BNI and there are some folks in the group genuinely supportive, interested, and want to work together...and there are those who think I am full of it, no matter what nice words they say. (I even got heckled quietly, yesterday)

Anyway- I'm slowly learning that I am building my own network and that it doesn't have to be in one group, but across multiple lines, geographically, etc. I'm looking for good people to connect to- not a set structure.

lower on the maslow pyramid,

[tracyandrook.livejournal.com]

I noticed this stuff after hurricane Katrina. People who dealt best with disaster (e.g. survived) were those who had strong relationships.
How to facilitate good friendly relationships? Listening, using exercises of listening. Asking for help, receiving help gracefully, reciprocating, and using exercises of the same.

One difficulty I have in nursing is allowing the need for good relationship to override the details of the work. Unfortunately both are in fact often necessary. So it becomes another task to balance time and energy spent on relationship (listening to patient reminisce) with time and energy spent on details of work (making sure patient is clean and comfortable and progressing with physical healing processes). I need to use phrases like "Can you continue this while I clean up?" And show that I am listening by saying "Before I had to ask you what pants you wanted today, you were just telling me about x...."

My favorite ritual ideas are those which are the relationship building exercises. Like, giving another a gift of beauty that has no financial cost. Maybe a good template for a wiccan study night would use a teaching and learning goal as an excuse for relationship-building. Lots of "Get into groups of n".