Year of wonder
Jun. 19th, 2011 08:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sabrinamariI'm home from FSG. It was like living through a tectonic shift.
I'm not really able to articulate much yet; I think I'm still a bit dazed from everything I experienced.
But in general, the first half of the festival was all about work, except for a few brief but significant periods of deliciousness. I was seriously relaxed and happy during those times; it was incredibly good for me. It was also a huge relief not to feel so tense and nervous. It takes waaay too much energy to manage that. I hope I've seen the back of it.
The last half of the festival was something else entirely. I quit something that's been a drain on me, spent time with people I care about and did some relaxing by the pool.
Then, on the last day, I was caught totally by surprise, and quickly discovered that my attempts to stay quiet about some things that were stressing me out had not kept them from showing. I also discovered how much I hadn't been saying when someone else said them for me, along with some reasonable ways to address these issues. I think I was too stunned to say much back, but damn, it was important for me to hear them, and it felt incredible to do so.
A few minutes later, I had a similar experience with someone else who voiced many of the things I had been thinking and feeling in a powerful, positive way. That conversation also evolved into something deeply good.
Both experiences left me dazed, amazed and grateful. I think it will take me at least a week to integrate them.
The strange thing is that I hadn't even really considered the possibility of talking most of these things out and voicing what I wanted. Or rather, I think I had thought of it, but it all seemed so unreasonable/impossible that I just dismissed the idea out of hand. in retrospect, this seems so strange.
In most areas of my life, I have all kinds of great communication skills and I just instinctively seem to know where to go. In most parts of my world, I don't shy away from clear, honest, transparent communication. In others, I still have much to learn about this.
The take-home message: I want to level up my communication and trust skills in a big way. And that's doable.
I've repeatedly asked the universe that I be surrounded by people who can show me how to do this, how to grow, and help me to create positive, win-win situations for everyone.
The universe seems to be listening.
I'm not really able to articulate much yet; I think I'm still a bit dazed from everything I experienced.
But in general, the first half of the festival was all about work, except for a few brief but significant periods of deliciousness. I was seriously relaxed and happy during those times; it was incredibly good for me. It was also a huge relief not to feel so tense and nervous. It takes waaay too much energy to manage that. I hope I've seen the back of it.
The last half of the festival was something else entirely. I quit something that's been a drain on me, spent time with people I care about and did some relaxing by the pool.
Then, on the last day, I was caught totally by surprise, and quickly discovered that my attempts to stay quiet about some things that were stressing me out had not kept them from showing. I also discovered how much I hadn't been saying when someone else said them for me, along with some reasonable ways to address these issues. I think I was too stunned to say much back, but damn, it was important for me to hear them, and it felt incredible to do so.
A few minutes later, I had a similar experience with someone else who voiced many of the things I had been thinking and feeling in a powerful, positive way. That conversation also evolved into something deeply good.
Both experiences left me dazed, amazed and grateful. I think it will take me at least a week to integrate them.
The strange thing is that I hadn't even really considered the possibility of talking most of these things out and voicing what I wanted. Or rather, I think I had thought of it, but it all seemed so unreasonable/impossible that I just dismissed the idea out of hand. in retrospect, this seems so strange.
In most areas of my life, I have all kinds of great communication skills and I just instinctively seem to know where to go. In most parts of my world, I don't shy away from clear, honest, transparent communication. In others, I still have much to learn about this.
The take-home message: I want to level up my communication and trust skills in a big way. And that's doable.
I've repeatedly asked the universe that I be surrounded by people who can show me how to do this, how to grow, and help me to create positive, win-win situations for everyone.
The universe seems to be listening.
