No Equanimity

[sabrinamari]

Laughing while I listen to Pema talk about equanimity. I just got a flat tire on the way home and must wait patiently for Michael and Trent to come and get me. Can't really feel bad, though. I'm in here, where it's warm, eating spicy shrimp, and my sweet man is on his way. It could be was *so much worse*! Think I'll save him/them some shrimp.

****

Wow, this went deeply and completely awry. Truly, an amazing clusterfuck of epic proportions.

Yep, no equanimity here. Tomorrow, we'll head back for the car. Tonight, we've agreed to change roadside service companies.

Comments

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

I am of the opinion that clusterfucks happen, and that trying to "let go" and be completely serene about them is silly. I say, rant and rave for a bit first. Then the ranting and raving turns into "you will NOT believe this" anecdotes over drinks with friends. Then it turns into jokes. Then you're laughing about your problems, all healthy and good. I'm fine with that process.

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

Later, it's so much easier to laugh. At the time, it's so hard to figure out what to do, especially when my brain falls out. : )

The real reason that I want to resist ranting and raving is a selfish one: I've noticed that I have an amazing ability to make things worse for myself when I let myself rant uncontrollably. Seriously, it's like I know *just* how to say the exact things guaranteed to make the situation worse.

And basically, I don't like worse---I like better. I no like drama at all: I like to point my lazy, pleasure-seeking self towards better outcomes as soon as/whenever possible.

[hypatia42.livejournal.com]

I started doing this when I noticed it effects my health. I know not everyone has the health challenges that I do so it may be less apparent to others. We pour a lot of energy into being angry and ranting at things we have no control over. When indulging in that knocked me out for several days I decided the indulgence just wasn't worth it.

Which is not to say I am perfect. Not reacting or acting out is something that I can work towards though. It is good for me.

[showingup.livejournal.com]

I second this emotion!

Digging out the deeply set patterns of pouring energy into bad emotions and behaviours is tough, though it's worth it for the health benefits. When I manage it, it's a weight off. The trick is to notice it in the first place!

[angiedub.livejournal.com]

I'm with badseed1980 on this one. Clusterfucks can turn into great stories later on. After the ranting and raving is out of the system.

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

I think all kinds of good things can come from crappy experiences. Great stories are certainly among them.

[freefloat.livejournal.com]

Are we going to get to hear the Story of the Clusterfuck at some point? When last I read this entry (before half of it appeared under strike-over) it sounded quite positive and filled with calm acceptance, (and even happy expectation, the parts about saving a few shrimp for your Knights in Shining Armor)

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

Maybe---mostly, I behaved like an idiot and then compounded the problem with poor communication. By the time I pulled my act together, it was a mess.

Since one of my peeps has already spanked me quite publicly for my behavior, I'm inclined to leave it be while I regain my balance and put things to right.

[angiedub.livejournal.com]

I've found (in 20/20 hindsight, of course) that no equanimity days seem to follow days where I'm feeling generally cheery and good about myself, like y'all had about the snow shoveling. It acts as a leveler. At the time, I'm usually not real thrilled, but it helps me gain perspective. In the long run. Sometimes, no, USUALLY, it takes me 2 or 3 days to reach that perspective. :/

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

Laughing...these *do* pop up quite regularly, don't they?