New growth everywhere

[sabrinamari]

So, it seems that everything is going to change---now, immediately.

I'm supposed to be cleaning and doing everyday responsible things, and I'll go back to them in a minute. But right now I have to experience the total ridiculousness of my life.

One of my oldest, dearest, straight-arrow Christian friends is exploring Paganism and studying Blue Star. This all started when she bought a drum at Free Spirit and started taking lessons. She is coming to FoV, and will get to see whatever it is I choose to do there up close in all of its glory.

I'm really trying not to panic.

It's sort of like this: imagine that your ex-pastor's wife, whom you utterly adore and love with all your heart, decides to come and visit your Voudun temple, study awhile, and hang around watching while you are ridden by the Gods. You've never lied to her or hidden anything intellectually, and she knows who you are. She loves you. But you've never actually shown all the pieces of yourself to everyone at once, and now, you're going to start...

It's a good thing. It's an excellent thing---I am going to grow immensely as a human being. I hope I don't throw up in public.

Also, tonight:

I'm going to a small gathering with some new people. Two of them---both really cool---are folks I've avoided for awhile. A couple of years back I inadvertently pissed them off and they are both really good at glowering. After the usual gestures of friendliness didn't seem to mollify them, I did what I do best: I slipped away whenever I saw one of them coming.

At FSG this year I was watching the fire, enjoying it and really wondering about how it was built. I lost track of myself and who was around me, and the next thing I knew, one of them---a really large, muscular, imposing guy---was standing next me, talking to me about the fire. There was no way to disappear without being really obvious. At first, I thought, "Why is he even talking to me? He's made it clear that he can't stand me." But as he spoke, I realized that he was a bonafide fire priest---he truly understood the nature of fire and could communicate it to me. If I could calm down and listen, I'd learn a great deal.

Fifteen minutes later I was so excited by what he was saying that I had forgotten the entire last two years of our history and no longer wanted to run away.

It was really, really cool.

Later that night, his partner sat down and started talking to me, and I had a very similar experience with her.

At Isaac's memorial, the same kind of thing happened, this time with both of them. It felt really good. Tonight, they'll both be at the gathering, and I am very curious to see what happens.

Comments

I soooo get this

[gwisteria.livejournal.com]

I am very excited about going to Fov but I am also painful aware that I have never "let my hair " in front of most of my oldest and dearest blue star family, I have been Hps, mother, storyteller but never there as the wild natured me. The prospect of giving over to being there spiritually, emotionally giddy, is terrifying and I hope I can truly allow myself to experience it. I am also hopeful, tinglying with anticipation, and hope I don't unswollow. Lol

Re: I soooo get this

[syndalaluna.livejournal.com]

Not to take over Sabrina's post but this is exactly what I need to learn to do. Maybe we can hold hands and help each other be juicy wild women at FoV!

Re: I soooo get this

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

No worries, hon---it's all good.

Re: I soooo get this

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

What an excellent opportunity to everything upside down in a useful way!

[eoma-p.livejournal.com]

I hope I don't throw up in public.

If you do, I'll get you a cool drink and throw sand over the mess.

[rio-luna.livejournal.com]

wow, powerful.

the work you are doing, with godhooks, FoV, is inspiring and terrifying to me.

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

To both of us!

[deboranter.livejournal.com]

you are the sweetest person in the world. how could you piss anyone off?

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

Believe me, it is possible.

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

Please, talk to Michael for two minutes. He can explain, in great detail, exactly how it is that I piss people off (laughing).

[syndalaluna.livejournal.com]

I agree, how could ANYONE EVER be angry with you!! You are one of the sweetest, kindest people that I know! Don't panic, all will be just as it should. Hugs, love you and look forward to seeing you there!

[(Anonymous)]

She changes everything she touches and Everything she touches changes

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

Yes.

[radiant-one.livejournal.com]

You are loved.

You will also be receiving a "by proxy" hug again from Karl since I once again can't hug you at camp since I'll be the party ghost.

[citabria]

It's a good thing. It's an excellent thing---I am going to grow immensely as a human being. I hope I don't throw up in public.

Eh, I've thrown up in the rotunda of the New York state capital building -- it wasn't as bad as you'd think. ;) It taught me that most people are far more supportive of a stranger than you might expect, and that it's quite possible to go right back to lobbying within 5 minutes of spewing across a beautiful tile floor. Determination is a wonderful, wonderful thing. ;)

And, best of all, it leads to yet another interesting story to tell! ;)

Never fear -- all will be well.

[showingup.livejournal.com]

Oh, you GO, Impressive Activist!!

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

OK, that's a great story, and, damn, you went right back in after you spewed? I *am impressed*.

[showingup.livejournal.com]

re: vomit: If that happens, it happens. You can always say you've had an upset stomach (which would be true if you'd got yourself wound up to that degree). In fact, people tend to be really sympathetic towards sober persons who are voming, so you'd get to Do Your Thing AND have guaranteed petting and fussing. I call this as a win-win proposition.

Seriously, I have the same fears about my business, because it is becoming increasingly evident to me that my spirituality is going to spill out all over this thing, and my family will be watching. All of them. For as long as the business lasts. And they will be forced to describe what I do to their friends without crying. Yeah.

I remain unconvinced that you and I are not actually identical twins in radically different bodies. I say we're the result of a classified genetics/cloning experiment. It would explain a lot.

re: changing relationships: That is pretty damn wonderful. Have a ridiculously good time :)

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

"And they will be forced to describe what I do to their friends without crying. Yeah."

Best. line. ever.

Suddenly, horrifying everyone I know sounds very appealing.

[showingup.livejournal.com]

*Kermit Flail*

I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it - we're about to take control, and I think I like it!

[lunarbitch.livejournal.com]

I have always been able (mostly out of necessity) to keep the different parts of my life and the people in them completely separated. I can't even imagine being in the situation you find yourself in. I will say this though - I have complete confidence that you will be posting here afterward saying what a freeing experience it was, or a growth experience, or both. You of all people will come through this better and happier.

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

I agree. This will be a good thing for us all.

I'm used to keeping so much inside and showing only small flashes of truth. That is changing, in a way that almost feels out of my control.

I don't think I'll be able to hold back anymore.

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

And I am glad for it!