My husband has been having a secret affair for several months now...

[sabrinamari]

I found a love letter.

It started a few months ago.

Comments

[catpaw67.livejournal.com]

Oh, sh#t! He's a piece of work! Keep that letter, my dear. Time to get that lawyer lined up. Want to talk? I'm here.

I'm with the pragmatic kitty

[elphaba-of-oz.livejournal.com]

The letter is gold. Do whatever you must to protect yourself spiritually, physically, emotionally and legally.

I'm sending you virtual hugs and magical, sugar free, fat free chocolate. You're a strong woman. You will get through this.

[tigira.livejournal.com]

Oh. Oh man.
*hug*

[deboranter.livejournal.com]

oh geesh Sabrina I am so sorry.

[effloresense.livejournal.com]

*hugs n support*

[ravenmdf.livejournal.com]

HUGS!!!!!!!!

[wild-place-king.livejournal.com]

You were right to decide to part; he isn't worthy of you. Why are you leaving - let him move out! (Okay, I'm becoming more calm.)

Hugs to you!

[oaktavia.livejournal.com]

gah. no.
he decorated the whole place the way he wanted... it would just be a big reminder.
the only places that Sabrina invested [sic: personal] in are the spare room where all her herbs & aromatherapy supplies are, and the basement where all her excercise equipment is.

{{HUGS}}

[owllady13.livejournal.com]

Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you.

Love you!

[lapiswitch.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry. I hope that in some way this will make things easier for you.

[rio-luna.livejournal.com]

oh hell honey I'm so sorry.

this hurts like hell now, but PLEASE remember, this is not a Referendum on Sabrina's Worthiness.

Infidelities have far more to do with the Cheater, usually something they can't communicate, or won't, to their partner--than with the Injured Partner. This is not your fault. You couldn't have prevented it. This is Ken's resposnibility--his in doing this, his in NOT being honest prior to this about what was going on with him.

I'm really sorry. Sending you hugs.

[wild-place-king.livejournal.com]

I can't agree with your friend more. she's right on! My additional 2 cents.

[evilbunny.livejournal.com]

oh dear gods. I am so amazingly unbelievably sorry that you had to find out this way, and that of course that it even happened in the first place.

Take deep calming breaths, as someone else says above, this is not a reflection of your worthiness. Have you confronted him with this? Have you thought through your path on this? Oh, I just so wish I could be there to give you a big hug. I'm sending you so much positive loving energy. Let me know if you need other types of energy or if there is ANY way I can help at all, even if that's providing mindless entertainment.

many, many hugs.

[andronikos.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I really don't have any good advice to offer you like many of the others already have. I suppose I would only say, don't let this derail the work you have been doing. In reading the little snipits you have shared here it seems that you have taken great strides in the direction you need to in order to heal. Don't let this new developement pull you into a space that disrupts the ongoing work of healing that you are doing.

*hugs*

[tigira.livejournal.com]

Ok, now that I have some coffee in my system, I can be a little more coherent...

First, I'm angry with your husband. Furious, actually.

Second, it's not a reflection on you. You're amazing. Don't forget that.

Third, it's good, then, that you are already working on being in the head-space to move on.

Ok, now the rational side of me says all these things have two sides - but you are the one who has my support here. Let me know if you need anything. I'll try to be of some help.

[eponacrony.livejournal.com]

Just remember that that does not reflect on you. He did those things not you.

You are a wonderful person and very beautiful. Don't let anything or anyone ever make you think otherwise.

Hugs

[seedmoon.livejournal.com]

More *hugs*, love and offerings of whatever support I can.

All I can say is that you have been on the right track to get through this difficult transition. Try not to let this derail or set-back your progress if you can.

Remember that you have many good friends that are absolutely devoted to you.

[onyxtwilight.livejournal.com]

Oh, for crying out loud!

[sigh]

Love you. Do not allow this betrayal to become about you.

[citabria]

I'm so sorry! {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}

Info

[cmyriam.livejournal.com]

One more thing, Call the lawyer... and if he deleted the email... I bet you can have phone tracks. If he has a cell get the Cell company to send you a copy of the bill also from your home # the times that you have been away. Look at all the credit cards statements carefully, check credit report to see if he has open accounts or credit cards that you are not aware of. You need the evidence and kick him out of your house, even if you don't want it, you can always sell it later.

I have seen to many movies, and to many of this case on of my cousins did something like this to his wife 3 kids and she was pregnant with a 4th. So was his lover. My dad had a double life after he re-married my mom, we found after he die.

So given what you say in the other thread that you are free. You shouldn't feel guilty you have don't nothing and he hasn't grow up. He establish the rules of the game and you will follow them by the letter of the law to what you are entitle. DON'T give off your rights... the he will think he can walk all over you and manipulate you.

Sorry I'm so strong and blunt, and this probably the last thing you want to hear but I have seen it way to many times.

Also in the computer is you are using Outlook or OE save any .ost or pst files you can find search the whole computer. I can't remember the OE format of the top of my head but I bet Jim will find it before me.

Best of luck and let me know if we can do anything for you.

BTW depending the email system you have deleted doesn't mean delete many times is recoverable.

Re: Info

[frodo-jim.livejournal.com]

Damn straight. Run, not walk to the lawyer. At minimum, call and get advice on what to od. And then, when you get home, kick him out.

There is nothing quite so self-reassuring than reaching into yourself, finding your Power, and then taking control of the situation.

Carmen is absolutely right -- there's nothing for you to feel guilty about, and now it's time for you to protect your rights. I've been through divorce twice -- trust me, it's far better in the end -- for everyone -- when you come from a place of power and protect yourself while what needs to happen happens.

--Jim

p.s. Check the "deleted items" folder in your mail program. He may not have emptied it.
p.p.s. In outlook express, you can find out where your mail files are being stored by going to tools->options->maintenance and clicking on the "store folder" button.

Re: Info

[lindalee.livejournal.com]

Sabrina, you have all of my love and support. My heart goes out to you (and my ear and my shoulder, should you need them).

I can't agree with people who are suggesting that you look through someone's private email and rummage through deleted files, however. Inappropriate behavior doesn't justify inappropriate behavior, so I hope you don't feel the need to go to that place.

Love you!

[discoiris.livejournal.com]

love you...it will all be fine, not easy, but fine when it is all done. we are all here for you every step of the way.

that BASTARD!

[willowoak.livejournal.com]

Darlin, I read your later post first. Don't you DARE forget that you are utterly fabulous and a total BABE! I want you to stand in front of the mirror and say "I am a BABE!" ten times and strike your most babelicious pose and throw attitude at the mirror for all you are worth. And then if you need to do it again, so you can believe it, do it. Because I know it to be true.

The affair is all about him and what's missing in him. He should have been thanking all the Gods that you were his wife, but instead he needed to cheat instead of to grow. You deserve so much more in your life.

[oaktavia.livejournal.com]

Stunned.
flabberghasted.

Be whole my love...
you are a powerful, strong, stunningly beautiful, intelligent woman - a true force to be reckoned with...
you have a whole community of friends & family that span this *entire country* that are here for you, what ever you need.
If you need some 'away time' to regroup for what's ahead, there are PLENTY of folks that would *love* a visit (including us)!

Holy fuck.

[oakleaves.livejournal.com]

*deep breath* Ok.

Man, I'm floored. Brina: given everything you have done and struggled with and fought to transform during your relationship with Ken, let me say to you that you have every right in the world to be utterly furious. The very least he could have done would have been to be upfront with you and discuss his feelings about the relationship earlier. You have devoted too much into it to not have that right.

But that's done now. And don't you dare blame yourself. Ken made a failing, not you; and that failing was that he didn't have the balls, or the respect for you, to talk to you earlier.

Betrayal in monogamous relationships is often about cowardice. It happens when people have the balls to do what they know is wrong but not the balls enough to face the action when they are about to do it, and address those they know they are going to hurt and be a man (of either gender) about it.

I know this hurts brutally. I know you feel like you've had the wind kicked out of your chest. But believe me when I say this: this reflects on Ken and his decisions, not you.

I love you. I'm here for you.