Two new things

[sabrinamari]

1. I am on the short list of possible assistant professor candidates at the University of Arizona. I have been asked to come out, meet the department, teach an undergraduate class and give a public lecture.

2. Ken and I spoke this morning and agreed that we really are parting as partners forever, and intend to remain dear friends only, with no thought or possibility of reconciliation for the future. This is more important for me to fully accept and integrate than it is for him. In fact, I need to do it to speed up my healing and my growth. With this shift, my chest pain has diminished from a 9 to a 2-3, and I can feel the overall beneficial changes of it already. I will fully die to my old partnered self and be reborn to a new, open, full of potential single self through the coming year.

Although we made the decision to part on Nov. 6, I still felt ambiguity and I wondered if we could reconcile at some later time. Putting down this hope is an important, and scary, move. But what I need to do now is move towards fear, not away from it.

That means giving Tucson a chance, even though every part of me is screaming that I want to cling to New Jersey and the people that I love here. I will give it a chance amnd consider it as an option. I will not turn away from fear.

If I were offered the job and I took it, I'd need to be in Tucson in early September. That would give me 9 precious months with the community I love.

Or...they could offer it someone else, Or I could say no, and I would be here for another year and nine months at least. Or I could get the Princeton job and be here for three years.

I have to allow all the possibilities to form and as best I can and give them each careful consideration and a good chance.

Ken has pointed out that as a university professor, I could spend 3 months of the year traveling anywhere I choose...New Jersey, Minneapolis, Europe...anywhere. That would be real freedom.

Comments

[vgnwtch.livejournal.com]

If you are offered the job, you should do what you believe to be right. No-one's going to stop loving you because you are following your true path. If you took the job and hated it, guess what? - you get to apply for other cool and interesting jobs elsewhere. If you got it and you loved it, then it's plainly the best thing to do. If you don't get it, you still have many options. It's all good.

[effloresense.livejournal.com]

:) I have a couple of friends (pagans) who moved from NJ to Tuscon so one of them could go to grad school there. Everything I've seen of the scenery is gorgeous, and there seems to be a rather active pagan community. Good luck with all these new opportunities, though.

[skyefyr.livejournal.com]

Honey, I don't have to tell you I'd miss you terribly if you went away. But friends don't hold one another back, so I hope that whatever you need to achieve your highest level of personal growth is what happens for you. And whatever you choose brings you the happiness you so richly deserve.

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

Thank you, dear. But we have *at least* nine months of in-person work together ahead of us and if I do go, I will be having *weekly* or more frequent phone conferences with you, with quarterly visits back here to meet with you and check on your progress. Once I start working with someone I DO NOT abandon them. You may wish that I would....(laughing)

You are in for the long haul with me, girl, as long as we are not holding each other's spiritual growth back. Don't even imagine that is the case!

I will be moving to my new place on Dec.4-5. I want to see you at my place for our kick-off meeting one evening the following week. OK?

hugs and B*B,

Sabrina

[skyefyr.livejournal.com]

It never occurred to me that I'd be abandoned. I didn't even question we'd find a way to work it out. Just wanted to let you know I really want to see the best possible opportunities happen for you!

The 8th and 9th are good for me that week. Just let me know when is best for you!

Great Big Warm Fuzzy Hugs!

[evilbunny.livejournal.com]

When Kenny and I divorced I wanted to run to familiar surroundings, and live in Kansas City. Instead I came here, and look what has happened. :-)

I'm not saying what you *should* do, just to do something I think you are very good at: remain open to possibilities.

[sligoe.livejournal.com]

Sweet, dear Sabrina......

There are wonderful opportunities just waiting for you---Arizona may be one of them, but unless you take that leap of faith and try it, you'll never know. Since I separated 2 1/2 years ago from my now ex-husband, I have had to make many such leaps---and hated most of them! I just wanted to cling and cling---it took a long time to realize that I needed to see myself as strong and independent---as I used to be before the devastation that was my past marriage---before I let myself become dependent on a person that used me.

You're in a good place---reach out and grasp your new self and love her dearly. Do anything and everything that she would like to do and try----don't let there be one "what if" to cloud her days. Go for it all---and you will soar with the eagles, your spirit singing and your heart light. And always remember that there are always places to come home to---you are in the hearts of your friends and family, adn that there will always be a homecoming waiting for you.

With all my love....

I am Not Just Proud of You...

[wild-place-king.livejournal.com]

I am proud of your friends too. You may have noticed that you are surrounded by supportive, loving friends. that speaks volumes about you.

Blessings,
B.

Rock on Sabrina!

[elphaba-of-oz.livejournal.com]

I am on the short list of possible assistant professor candidates at the University of Arizona.

This is awsome news. If you get this job it means financial security, health insurace and a safe home base to what you love. If you don't, there will be another job. DOn't get blue about the prospect of leaving behind your community. Think of what you can build in Tuscon.

If you live in Arizona you will have to get a police restraining order to keep me from visiting you.

[tigira.livejournal.com]

Whatever you choose. If you go and don't like it, go somewhere else. If you don't go and you aren't unhappy about that, fine. If you go and you love, that's good, too.

You know, you have a bunch of die-hard fans out here, and we'll be your fans and friends no matter where you go.

Really.
*hug*

[willowoak.livejournal.com]

The possibility of a position at University of Arizona is wonderful. Congratulations!

When the time comes to make a decision about that position (OR any other possible position), please remember that whatever you decide is right for you WILL be right for you. And those who love and support you in your choices will continue to love and support you in your choices. Really. :o)

And the choice to let go of the possibility of reconciliation with Ken is positive, and important in your growth. Just remember to breathe.

{{{{Sabrina}}}}

Choices Choices Choices

[warning-dca.livejournal.com]

Whether you decide to explore the world right outside your front door or stretch your legs further, I think I can safely say that we'll all be "here" for you with open arms and hearts.

[eponacrony.livejournal.com]

That is a wonderful offer. Make the decision that is the best decision for you. Your friends will love you no matter what. After all friends want what is best for you.

((((Sabrina)))

Decide from love, not fear

[kinkypagan.livejournal.com]

Like everyone else, I think it's great that you received the offer, and I certainly want you to do whatever will be best for you. But I have to confess that selfish little ol' me would vastly prefer you to be 200 miles away rather than 2000 - and I'm sure all your other friends else think that, too :) But Arizona is closer than one might think - airfare on Southwest is only a couple of hundred bucks. Do what feels right for you.

And I both mourn the death of your partnernership with Ken, and celebrate your starting of a new life. You have all my sympathy.

Love,
Galen

new beginnings in the dark time of year

[rio-luna.livejournal.com]

as you&Ken separate energy that was bound up in each other, is now free to move into new channels. Sabrina's energy is in service to a 'me' and not a 'we'. for years i feared breakups (even when long overdue)because i found the first several weeks/months of detaching so disoriented. it took a long time to realize its happening on an energetic level even below will. it just lurches a bit as the bus leaves the curb. >gulp<

i don't feel that UofA will materialize, I think its a harbinger of more to come. i feel it's a signpost saying "time to stretch what we consider 'an option' girlfriend" (in twinkling gold neon por supuesto)

[seedmoon.livejournal.com]

Changes and choices and more changes to come.
Scary and exciting. I know how unnerving it can all be. The quality of our options often depends on our potential and the quality of our choices often depend on our wisdom. I know you to be a very wise person and you have more potential than possibly anyone I've ever known. As I said before, I'm confident that you will do well with the life changes ahead.

This is a tough time for you and I'm sorry I can't be there to be a shoulder, a sounding board or even the big, dumb, well intentioned friend. :)
Its good to know that you have so many good, intelligent people who care about you and support you.

Assistant professor position

[yoga-matt.livejournal.com]

Just some academic advice bunny...The job sounds amazing, but find out what the productivity demands are for tenure (I assume its tenure track)

The University of Arizona is a major research university, like Penn State and Rutgers. From what I see of the faculty here, they do have incredible demands to publish, and have little free time. Those who are new PhD's (coming in straight from Graduate school) are particularly stressed because they are trying to put up a program of research while at the same time teaching courses, serving on committee's etc.

In terms of my 2 cents...I'm a big fan of post docs. They allow you to focus on your research for another few years, crank out some pubs, and collect data that can be used later in the assistant prof position.

Of course, this is all from the frame of Psychology...Anthropology may be very different.

love matty