air mattress chest
Nov. 15th, 2004 02:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sabrinamariPut in an inquiry about an apartment. It looks like a very good option. I will have to move in during the first weekend of December if all goes well and I get it without a hitch, re-juggling my calender yet again. Change: right now I hate it. I have way too much of it. Too bad; it's necessary for long-term happiness later.
I'm functioning well, much better than could be expected by a person with a constant, mushy bag of pain in her chest. It feels like a big semi-inflated bag of air with an irregular, slightly oblong shape. When I breathe, it dips and flattens here and there, like an under-inflated air mattress. I am watching this pain and feeling it, for the most part. So far, so good. It hasn't killed me. Moment to moment it's a rollercoaster. I am perfectly aware that if I can sit in the middle of this pain, attending to it and not fighting it, it will diminish over time. It will not kill me.
Right now, a couple of things reduce it: talking with friends about unrelated things, massage, focusing hard on playful or happy or meaningful things I really like, and reading science fiction and fantasy. I read almost all weekend and kept it partially at bay that way.
Sleep is hardly happening at all. Food must be forced down. But I am functioning. Still exercising: did 30 minutes on the elliptical trainer today and stretched afterwards. I'm hoping to get some sleep tonight.
I'm functioning well, much better than could be expected by a person with a constant, mushy bag of pain in her chest. It feels like a big semi-inflated bag of air with an irregular, slightly oblong shape. When I breathe, it dips and flattens here and there, like an under-inflated air mattress. I am watching this pain and feeling it, for the most part. So far, so good. It hasn't killed me. Moment to moment it's a rollercoaster. I am perfectly aware that if I can sit in the middle of this pain, attending to it and not fighting it, it will diminish over time. It will not kill me.
Right now, a couple of things reduce it: talking with friends about unrelated things, massage, focusing hard on playful or happy or meaningful things I really like, and reading science fiction and fantasy. I read almost all weekend and kept it partially at bay that way.
Sleep is hardly happening at all. Food must be forced down. But I am functioning. Still exercising: did 30 minutes on the elliptical trainer today and stretched afterwards. I'm hoping to get some sleep tonight.
