Good Parenting...Who Knew?

[sabrinamari]

When I starting listening to "The Millionaire Next Door," I did not expect to receive parenting advice.

Since Michael and I met, I've had some definite plans about Trent's college years and how I want to help him meet his goals as a young adult. Michael has had a few plans too, and boy, were they different.

What this book taught me, based on the research team's findings, was that I was all set to make a series of colossal mistakes. Michael, though, had it right.

And if Trent had been a girl, my strategies would have had the potential to REALLY screw up her head and cripple her independent spirit and her life.

So, if you are parents, or are planning to be parents soon, please read or listen to this book.

If you have a daughter, get this book TOMORROW and read/listen it!

The chapter that opened my eyes was the chapter on "Economic Outpatient Care", which is really a chapter about parenting, and helping your children become strong, free, independent and self confident.

Comments

[jasminewind.livejournal.com]

Thanks for posting more about what your & Michael's plans were, it is helpful to hear the diversity of viewpoints.

I have this book on hold at the library. Should get it at the beginning of August. Can't wait to read it.

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

I don't mind saying that I was wrong, but I do feel a little stupid, and a little sad.

It's hard for me to accept that my instincts, which seem so strong and right and loving, can be so far off.

I'm still struggling with this. When I listened to this chapter, I just felt my stomach drop.

I kind of knew, intellectually, that over-enabling was a problem, but as the authors pulled out case study after case study after case study...ugh!

[jasminewind.livejournal.com]

But also remember that kids are individuals and have needs that may not be served by "sticking to the plan". If Trent has learning disabilities or is slower to mature to responsibility then it might serve him to have a more gentle introduction to responsibility. The key for you will be mastering your enabling instincts before then so that you can tell what the intentions of your actions are.

I have learned that a quality of many ADD brains is that they are "slow to mature" meaning in essence a 21 year old with ADD may have the executive function and ability to rely on abstraction and delayed gratification that an 18 year old has. Should this person be sent out into the world with the expectation that s/he will behave like a 21 year old or is it more appropriate to provide this person with additional support as their brain matures (which it will). These data spoke to me very personally because while I managed to function in the world, I had a feeling I was not getting it the same way my post-college peers were. Once I hit about 25, I started to "get it".

Also, I think the model of sending kids from their parents' homes to dorms is disastrous for most kids. If a kid is moving from their parent's home to a dorm or apartment without having learned or even been introduced to the countless adult life skills necessary to function, are we fostering independence or are we setting them up for failure.

Here is a model I like better - my neices are attending a charter school in CA that has been treating them more like community college students since 7th grade. They go to classes 2-3 days a week then do work at home on their own schedule. This has taught them a lot of study and planning skills that will serve them in independent life.

Then again, I'm gonna homeschool my kids next year because I see too many fundamental flaws in how our society "educates" children, from kindergarten to 12th grade.