A good Element Earth/Financial post by hypanebliss

[sabrinamari]

http://hypanebliss.livejournal.com/848092.html?view=3989212#t3989212

This is an insightful Earth Element post on multiple counts: what it says about money and what it says about healthy boundaries. I re-post an excerpt here by permission:

"Another thought that has occured to me lately: Paying bills equates in my mind to honoring a commitment. I've entered into a contract with another entity. Corporate or otherwise. By getting angry with my financial situation, by refusing to pay just on principle, I believe that I am acting without integrity. Accepting the state of things, making arrangements and talking honestly about limitations....I think that brings the self back into aligment where this topic is concerned.

Debt is really an overcommitment of the self. It's reaching beyond our boundaries into areas that would be better off left alone. At least that is what it means to me. I can't in good conscience say that my financial situation is anything other than our fault. I won't look around my house at the laptop, the hundreds of video games, the books and blame someone else. Because it's pretty obvious we haven't done all we can to save."

To this I would add another piece of wisdom:

"Do you know what it means that you've made mistakes with money? You're over twelve!"
Dave Ramsey

Or in other words, once you understand the lesson(s), put down the stick and stop beating yourself up about it. We've all done it. We'll all probably do it again. Just take a deep breath and work on doing it less and less until you are self sufficient, self actualized and self-sustaining. Progress, not perfection.

Comments

[citabria]

"Do you know what it means that you've made mistakes with money? You're over twelve!"

{{{{{{{{{huge hugs}}}}}}}}}

Thank you! Thank you for finding that and saying that. Not only the substance, but finding it and saying it in a way that makes me smile and laugh. Being able to laugh about financial troubles (and recovering from them) feels really, really good.

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

No problem, honey. I love to laugh, and I learn best when I do. Maybe lots of people are like that.

Maybe this is too simple

[arielmn.livejournal.com]

or by blaming self esteem issues on everything, I am not taking personal responsibility for things BUT

I am starting to see debt as a symptom of poor self esteem. I guess I can only successfully correlate that to me, but I have, in the past purchased things because I wanted to be the person who could afford that 'X'.

Never mind that I wasn’t, and it cost me too much and affected my bank account, which in turn made me feel worse about myself for not being that person who could drop X dollars on something.

I have gotten so much better at being glad for what I do have and not spending my time wishing my days away, but sometimes I still slip.

Re: Maybe this is too simple

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

It's not too simple. You're on to something here.

My ex and i got caught in this trap for a long time: feeling "less than" everyone else and spending "more than" to make up for it. We created a false front of wealth that lightly covered mountains of debt: $20,000 +.

Re: Maybe this is too simple

[hypanebliss.livejournal.com]

Wealth is also not a substitue for doing the strong emotional work that builds a foundation for relationship. Foundations move with a person.

One can continue painting an apple with a new coat over an over and the inside will still be just as rotten. Either eat the apple for sustainance or plant the seeds. Regardless, things are meant to move and not last forever.

Re: Maybe this is too simple

[onyxtwilight.livejournal.com]

Or, y'know, eat the apple AND plant the seeds. ;-)

Re: Maybe this is too simple

[onyxtwilight.livejournal.com]

If you live around here you need lots of panache.
If you live in town, dear, then you must cut a dash.
('Tisn't hard, dear, to create a facade!)
You must seem to be rich and have money to burn.
Even though it's a bitch, spending more than you earn.
That's the game here and the name is facade!

(That's from Jekyll and Hyde -- the musical. Yes, the musical. :-)

Good Debt!

[shades-of-nyx.livejournal.com]

I don't think debt == poor judgement all the time.
My mortgage is not a symptom of poor self-esteem at all. It is a symptom of being an adult who can finally afford to house herself well!

Re: Good Debt!

[arielmn.livejournal.com]

OH most definitely! BUT going further into debt because you want--not need—new paint, new furniture or wanting a $500 grill when you should only by a $90 one, is what I am talking about.

I bought my house as a single person and while it is tough, I wouldn't change it.

Re: Good Debt!

[arielmn.livejournal.com]

BY = BUY

Re: Good Debt!

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

House good, as long as one can afford it. many can, many can't. You just build up your reserve and your credit rating and your financial wisdom until you are ready and don't buy before then.

Re: Good Debt!

[shades-of-nyx.livejournal.com]

Absolutely, and do not believe what the mortgage company tells you that you can afford. They will try to sell you a loan for double what you can sensibly pay, and then wonder why you are house rich and life poor. Also, remember that while mortgage payments may be stable, property taxes sure as hell aren't. My property taxes have increased by 25% in the four years since I bought my house. If I had bought the house my mortgage broker tried to sell me, I'd be in a whole mess of hurt.
Summary: Mortgage payment <= 25% NET monthly income!

[glenmarshall.livejournal.com]

Debt is really an overcommitment of the self.

I disagree.

A debt may be an investment. For example, I may assume a debt at 10% to invest retail inventory with a 50% return. When I repay the debt I will have 40% of the amount of the debt in my pocket. If I do this through a corporate entity, none of my own money is ever at risk. This is commonplace.

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

But it's also a technique waaay beyond where most of us are now. You're talking about leverage, not credit card consumer debt.

Most of us are back here, honey...but we're jogging to catch up with you. Yeeee-haaaaaw!