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sabrinamariA few days ago I had a chance to talk with Michael about the challenges of balancing Blue Star responsibilities and personal life joys and necessities. Here in NJ, many of us have been thinking and talking about the issue for a long time.
Clover has taken on the project of rethinking of how better to create a livable balance between the two.
It's important here because we have no Seconds and few Thirds---all of whom have tremendous workloads and/or health issues to boot---and most of our folk are either Dedicants or Initiates. Thus, while all of our community members have Blue Star joybligations, they are not always involved in problem-solving, administration, ministering and tradition-making. This makes for a lopsided structure, in which those few at Third are easily/can easily become overwhelmed.
In this environment, some of us have been asking,"Why don't we have more Seconds and Thirds to share in our work and sustain our activities more easily?" Others have been answering, "Why should we go on, when the people who have done so are at high risk of burnout and loss of personal and family time? We see what many of you are doing, and it's hard on family life!"
These are totally reasonable questions, and if we want Blue Star to flourish in NJ, we should explore them here.
I am going to be sharing thoughts and conversations about this issue here, on a filter of some kind. This initial post on the subject is public---there are some wise Third Degrees (and other folk) who are not members of the Blue Star tradition on my friends list.
Recently, three ongoing converstions have overlapped:
* A conversation with![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
willowoak and gwisteria, about the utility of contracts (with one's self and with Deity)
* A conversation withjeneralist about approaching Third---which means taking Second.
* A conversation withnjfuneralman about the responsibilities of a Third and how they impact family life
All of these conversations have an impact on how Second and Third are imagined/sustained/renewed here in NJ. Their overlap is especially interesting.
I would like to share parts of these conversations with others in some form.njfuneralman has agreed to write up some of his recent thoughts and put them in a public post so that I could delegate some of the work of making these thoughts accessible to others. [Thank you, my dear.] You can find his post here:
http://njfuneralman.livejournal.com/3011.html?mode=reply
I will also askjeneralist to post parts of a recent letter to me on a Blue Star filter this week. EDIT: Upon more reflection, I think it is especially important that First Degrees be part of this conversation. They should have a much deeper knowledge of Third before approaching the possibility of asking for Second.
I invite all interested parties who have a stake in Craft/our tradition to join our ongoing discussion and share what they think and what they know.
Clover has taken on the project of rethinking of how better to create a livable balance between the two.
It's important here because we have no Seconds and few Thirds---all of whom have tremendous workloads and/or health issues to boot---and most of our folk are either Dedicants or Initiates. Thus, while all of our community members have Blue Star joybligations, they are not always involved in problem-solving, administration, ministering and tradition-making. This makes for a lopsided structure, in which those few at Third are easily/can easily become overwhelmed.
In this environment, some of us have been asking,"Why don't we have more Seconds and Thirds to share in our work and sustain our activities more easily?" Others have been answering, "Why should we go on, when the people who have done so are at high risk of burnout and loss of personal and family time? We see what many of you are doing, and it's hard on family life!"
These are totally reasonable questions, and if we want Blue Star to flourish in NJ, we should explore them here.
I am going to be sharing thoughts and conversations about this issue here, on a filter of some kind. This initial post on the subject is public---there are some wise Third Degrees (and other folk) who are not members of the Blue Star tradition on my friends list.
Recently, three ongoing converstions have overlapped:
* A conversation with
willowoak and gwisteria, about the utility of contracts (with one's self and with Deity)* A conversation with
jeneralist about approaching Third---which means taking Second. * A conversation with
njfuneralman about the responsibilities of a Third and how they impact family lifeAll of these conversations have an impact on how Second and Third are imagined/sustained/renewed here in NJ. Their overlap is especially interesting.
I would like to share parts of these conversations with others in some form.
njfuneralman has agreed to write up some of his recent thoughts and put them in a public post so that I could delegate some of the work of making these thoughts accessible to others. [Thank you, my dear.] You can find his post here:http://njfuneralman.livejournal.com/3011.html?mode=reply
I will also ask
jeneralist to post parts of a recent letter to me on a Blue Star filter this week. EDIT: Upon more reflection, I think it is especially important that First Degrees be part of this conversation. They should have a much deeper knowledge of Third before approaching the possibility of asking for Second.I invite all interested parties who have a stake in Craft/our tradition to join our ongoing discussion and share what they think and what they know.
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no subject
Date: 2006-03-07 01:19 pm (UTC)Yesterday I was talking with a work colleague and his manager. The problem was that he had taken-on certain responsibilities because "they need to be done and nobody else is doing them." The accumulated burden, over time, was making it difficult for him to do his day-to-day job. So I was brought in to help him evaluate alternatives.
I asked what would happen if he chose to prioritize his day-to-day job over the other duties. He said that some necessary things would not be done. I then suggested that he experiment and let those things drop. If they actually were important to other people, someone else would take them on. He might have to gently push the matter, of course, but the truly important things would get done by someone.
Over the years I've found that I can be very effective by selectively *not* doing things and encouraging other people to do them. Sometimes this annoys people in the short term, but I do explain that I will only do so much and that life is generally a collaborative experience.
no subject
Date: 2006-03-07 01:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-07 02:08 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2006-03-07 02:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-07 02:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-07 02:37 pm (UTC)And as always, B* is joy for me, and I never want to lose the wonder of it all. Learning to balance will be an integral part of that.
Hugs to all from Baltimore!
no subject
Date: 2006-03-07 02:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-07 03:53 pm (UTC)I'm single w/ no kids and I often find it hard to make time to minister to myself.
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Date: 2006-03-07 03:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-07 04:39 pm (UTC)Also, while I am interested in being a part of this conversation, I would like to state up front that I have some radically different ideas about what a third's responsibilities are, and how to implement those responsibilities, than do many others in Blue Star. If I am invited to be a part of this filter and/or community, I'm not going to hesitate to be true to myself, my path and my beliefs, but, as always, I will speak my truth with love and respect. The electronic medium is never the best way to communicate heart issues, so I invite anyone with any questions to contact me and we'll talk more.
Sabrina, I hope you know I love and respect you, and would always love to part of any dialogue you initiate. (heh, pun not originally intended, but i'll take it.)
no subject
Date: 2006-03-07 04:58 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2006-03-07 11:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-08 12:28 am (UTC)i would like to be included please
Date: 2006-03-08 12:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-08 12:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-08 01:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-08 02:23 am (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2006-03-08 07:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-08 07:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-08 07:58 am (UTC)Let me know when there's restricted threads to comment in.
no subject
Date: 2006-03-08 09:20 am (UTC)Mind you, I don't read LJ every day...and sometimes drop away for extended periods, but I'm still interested.
Great Idea
Date: 2006-03-08 03:48 pm (UTC)Also, from reading M's post, perhaps a suitable compromise would be to have a checklist of possible committments, obligations, possibilities and have people rate their level of committment. This could get around the oathbound limitation by not assigning any particular tasks to any particular levels, while simultaneously providing a snapshot of someone's level of committment and availability. Send me lists of possibilities and I'll put it into a usable format for you.
Something like:
This way you can create a rather complete and non-committal list of things that may or may not be required. This would have the advantage of letting you get a sense of where someone is without revealing anything specific (esp if you say "This stuff is not all required, it's just to get a sense of what people want and don't want to do").
Furthermore, it could be re-taken over time and see how the answers change, which could serve as indications of personal evolutions in character as they become more or less available and/or committed to various tasks.
Heck, you could do it online and have a handy "change database" that people could use for tracking their OWN changes over time.
I'll also shamelessly plug my Managing Personal Involvement class I did at FSG last year as an additional tool in shaping your life and it's committments.
- Brian
Joybligations
Date: 2006-03-08 03:52 pm (UTC)Furthermore, there will be some things and times where you DON'T want to do it and do it purely out of a sense of duty or obligation.
This is not a bad thing, but it should be recognized and acknowledged that some of what you/we do we do because we feel we SHOULD.
There should be no illusions going into these things, IMNSHO.
There is Joy, but there is also Obligation, and the two are sometimes-to-often separately occurring.
no subject
Date: 2006-03-09 12:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-10 02:51 pm (UTC)Re: Great Idea
Date: 2006-04-06 05:22 pm (UTC)