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Aug. 15th, 2011 12:01 pmThere's so much to process, as usual, from the retreat. But this time, what's captured my attention is what happened when I got home. The crucible of change spares no one, not even my beautiful Michael. He is transforming in front of my eyes, and parts of that process are difficult. Every part of his life is shifting. Watching him work through pain, I feel a tremulousness in my throat and my heart. The best I can do is keep quiet, listen, and love him intensely as he reflects on who he has been, who he is becoming, and what he is feeling. It's surprisingly easy, though, to keep my ego out of it. I didn't expect that. No worries, though. Give me a few days. My self-centered insecurities will probably come back...smiling...
Isn't it funny that the things I thought of as scary and hard for so long have been so easy, and the things I thought would be easier have been so scary and hard?
Strange.
It's impossible to know for sure, in advance, what you will be capable of doing and what will bring you to your knees. You can guess, you can imagine, you can expect...but in the end, much of what you discover will surprise you. Weaknesses will turn out to carry profound strengths, and advantages you thought you had at your disposal may well evaporate on the wind.
So far, in the last year, the trade-offs have been good. Right now, they're good. I am feeling strong love in my heart, and I can move from that place to offer tenderness when and where I am needed most.
What I'm learning: there's more than enough love and support to go around. I have plenty to give, and I'm learning to take more and more. And that is beautiful.
Isn't it funny that the things I thought of as scary and hard for so long have been so easy, and the things I thought would be easier have been so scary and hard?
Strange.
It's impossible to know for sure, in advance, what you will be capable of doing and what will bring you to your knees. You can guess, you can imagine, you can expect...but in the end, much of what you discover will surprise you. Weaknesses will turn out to carry profound strengths, and advantages you thought you had at your disposal may well evaporate on the wind.
So far, in the last year, the trade-offs have been good. Right now, they're good. I am feeling strong love in my heart, and I can move from that place to offer tenderness when and where I am needed most.
What I'm learning: there's more than enough love and support to go around. I have plenty to give, and I'm learning to take more and more. And that is beautiful.
