Perfectionism: The soft, pale underbelly of the A+ student

[sabrinamari]

I've finally succeeded in posting all my observation field notes for my first ULTRA practice. Significantly, I was able to do so via the internet from home. Without the help of jeneralist, her husband and sweetie Phil and the intrepid Tom, this never would have been possible.

I took waaay too many field notes. I also took too long to post them.

I did too many interviews and will be up half the night finishing write ups. Somehow, I must curb the impulse to record every bit of them in my depth interview notes---the sound files themselves will be saved as part of the project database. So chill, girl! And when I did them all, what was I thinking? Don't I realize that every interview that I do must then be written up?

Silly me, so unwilling to ease back on my workload. Because the truth is, the interviews have already achieved their purpose. I would do well not to repeat the mistakes of my past, glorified forever in my dissertation: it was twice as long as it needed to be, it included an additional, small secondary project masquerading rather foolishly as a history chapter *and* it originally included three Appendices and a 40-page Preface ( I know, there is no such thing as a 40 page Preface---I made it Chapter 1 in the end). Furthermore, I was only able to give up one of the Appendices *after* I had done all of the work for it when I realized that no force on this earth could help me format it to the Dean of Rulers' liking.

Give up, dammit! Get a life! Stop trying to get an A++ on every single little project you take on! It takes you forever!

You could be getting a massage and eating sushi right now!

You could be watching Dr. Who episodes!

You could be curled up with your honey!

Stop with the excessive perfectionism! Accept a B+ or even a B! It won't kill you, girl...

EDIT: Graduation photo solicitations just arrived via email, as if my Home Team was trying to reinforce the insights above. They are probably just doomed to languish there, unheeded, anyway. Bummer. Damn it.

http://www.gradimages.com/index.cfm?LastName=CHASE&UniqueNumber=E54854

Comments

[flamespirit.livejournal.com]

I like the humour you have towards your excessive perfectionism :-)
I assume I'm teaching you to suck eggs here...but to me, perfectionism is about needing a security blanket. Try slipping the blanket away, little bit, by little bit. Baby steps...until the perfectionism is no longer needed. Try an experiment. Deliberately do not do your best...see what happens. Probably nothing, except having more time to live a little.
{{Sabri}}

[vgnwtch.livejournal.com]

So, wanna come over and watch Doctor Who?

[glenmarshall.livejournal.com]

Keep plugging away at Life. Especially the massage and sushi part.

At one time I was a perfectionist, then I stopped to realize that I might not be the perfect computer professional but I am always a perfect whatever-I-am-being-now. It's a zen-ish thing.

[jeneralist.livejournal.com]

Ah, I had the realization of the Rest of Life imposed on me externally, as an intervention. My sweeties came to me as I was surrounded by books, index cards, and multiple colors of pens to speak the words, "If you get all As, you will have a diploma. If you have some As, you will have a diploma, a happy family, lower blood pressure, and a life." Eyelashes were batted. Coffee was spilled.

Doctor Who?

[davidt4e.livejournal.com]

Interesting that you discuss Dr. Who while talking about perfectionism as a doctor yourself.

Step into the TARDIS, Doctor. Go for a ride.

(Theme music in)
Dee, dee, dee, dee, dee... Dee, dee, dee, dee, dee...
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo... Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
Dee, dee, dee, dee, dee... Dee, dee, dee, dee, dee...
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo... Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo...

you've probably heard this before

[rio-luna.livejournal.com]

but you really do look so much like actres Lena Olin.

[oaktavia.livejournal.com]

a 40 page preface???

LOL
and you guys thought I was nuts when I turned in my Full Moon assignment with 11 pages of footnotes!

take it from a fellow sufferer of perfectionism... the way to short circuit the cycle is to tell yourself "it's *perfectly* acceptable to do *just enough* on this, because I need to make sure I have time to work on those/these other projects" weird, but it works.

hey I googled the resume thing - its called a 'Corriculum Vitae' - and there are several examples of what different fields look like... would love to work out right stuff to include with you - I'll call ltoday

[dawningday.livejournal.com]

Ah, yes: addiction to perfection. Unpleasant as it is, looking at this and dealing with it as an addiction actually makes it easier to deal with. The ultimate question to ask is: to whom or what are you trying to prove yourself? Maybe it's just you. Maybe it's someone or something from your past.

As someone else mentioned, they realized they were always perfect. Don Miguel Ruiz teaches that nothing exists but perfection. The more I've been able to open myself to this, the more productive and successful I have become.

Perfection

[ingridsummers.livejournal.com]

While I have those tendancies (okay, so more than tendancies), I have come to realize that good enough is simpy good enough. And, I remind myself that if I was really perfect, would anyone like me? After all, my reaction to perfection in others is NOT attraction.

There is something about being imperfect that makes us human. Something about being imperfect that makes us approachable. I'm thinking that it's along the edges of our imperfections that people can stick together and create something new and different.

Best of luck in doing what needs to be done and no more than that.

Homework

[methastra.livejournal.com]

Okay, here's some anti-perfectionism homework for you:

You're done your PhD. Grades no longer matter, right? Perfectionism is no longer (was it ever actually) needed, right?

Take a credit class at a local community college. Any class. Make it a class you don't like. Now, go to the classes, but don't do some of the out-of-class assignments.

Seriously. The night before the assignment is due, block out the time that you would spend doing it, and then spend it going to the movies instead. This is what freedom feels like.

After a couple tries, the guilt and anxiety will start to fade away as you realize just how important the perfect completion of this assignment is to the direction and happiness of your life.

On the others, do a quickly done crap job at them. Really. TRY to make them bad if you have to. Be sure to include (intentionally if need be) bad grammar, poor spelling and mixed metaphors (they can be such fun to write, actually).

Turn them in as you actual assignments (at least the ones you DID).

Get grades somewhere between a 0% and 110% on them (because your definition of a "crap job" is likely someone else's definition of an A++)

Try to get at least one failing mark, and a bunch of C's and D's. Yes, your assignment is "To Do Poorly".

Take them home and put them on your fridge and look at them every day.

Notice that odd thing that happens as a result of this: Nothing.
Just keep paddling and kicking you think and you might just eventually swim out of this.

King of the Slackers,

- Brian

Re: Homework

[dawningday.livejournal.com]

Dude, that is -awesome- advice. :)

Re: Homework

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

I feel like sitting under my table, head in hands, screaming, when I read this advice.

It's great advice, but so far beyond my ability to enact that it's amazing...

Re: Homework

[methastra.livejournal.com]

Think of it this way, if your goal is to fail, and you do, you've SUCCEEDED!

So, in order to get an A+ you must Fail.

That Help? ;-)

- Brian

Re: Homework

[methastra.livejournal.com]

So, the question then is why is it so important to you?

What part of your self or ego or identity would have to be sacrificed at the alter to do this?

Is it a part you want to keep?

- Brian

Re: Homework

[flamespirit.livejournal.com]

To my darling King of Slackers, I say...indeed, you do seem to have an awesome knack for knowing precisely how much is needed for any given situation...and you do just enough to keep all around you in a state of relative happiness. And you're just so funny too ;-)

Sabrina - the way I cured my perfectionism? Spirit gave me a job where I could kill myself trying and I would never achieve perfectionism, thereby curing me of this malady forever. What a lesson it was for me - and still is actually.

[methastra.livejournal.com]

> Just keep paddling and kicking you think and you might just eventually swim out of this.

What the heck was that from?

Yep, I must have screwed up with a cut and paste.

I was imperfect.

See how much I care. :-P

Living the Lesson,

- Brian