sabrinamari (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sabrinamari) wrote2012-03-09 08:10 am
sabrinamari) wrote2012-03-09 08:10 am
Entry tags:
Relationship lessons
One of the reasons I think people come to love me is that most of the time, I feel good. Sometimes I think about this in good, healthy ways ("Look at me bringing joy to my friends. Yay!") Sometimes I think about this in a dysfunctional way ("When I am sad and depressed, people won't like me.")
I've pretty much grown out of that last thing, though. My friends are very staunch, and they stick by me (probably because I strongly select for people who will do so).
But I do see that during rough periods, periods when I'm not as joyful, this is hard on Michael. Lately, he has been especially patient and kind with me, even though it is clear that he needs his friendly, happy honey back. I've also been learning not to grasp at him when he needs to walk away and spend time with folks who *are* feeling cheery. That was hard. My first instinct was to hold on to him more tightly, but this almost always makes people feel more constrained. It actually pushes them away when you want/need them most. He experienced this, too.
So I had to re-learn how to sit quietly with myself when I don't feel so great instead of clinging to him in hopes that his presence would make me feel better. And it's just not fair to try and force someone to stay with you all the time when you feel bummed. You just have to learn to let go, open your hands, and step up to taking care of yourself sometimes.
Fortunately, this has been one of the many useful lessons of this period. I started out grasping at him, but having little joy to share, and I've ended up able to open up my hands and take responsibility for elevating my own mood. Now, I have a little more joy to give, and I am clinging to him a lot less.
And guess what? He wants to be around me more. ¡Que sorpresa!
And bonus: I feel stronger and better able to take care of myself now.
All around, it is a win-win.
I've pretty much grown out of that last thing, though. My friends are very staunch, and they stick by me (probably because I strongly select for people who will do so).
But I do see that during rough periods, periods when I'm not as joyful, this is hard on Michael. Lately, he has been especially patient and kind with me, even though it is clear that he needs his friendly, happy honey back. I've also been learning not to grasp at him when he needs to walk away and spend time with folks who *are* feeling cheery. That was hard. My first instinct was to hold on to him more tightly, but this almost always makes people feel more constrained. It actually pushes them away when you want/need them most. He experienced this, too.
So I had to re-learn how to sit quietly with myself when I don't feel so great instead of clinging to him in hopes that his presence would make me feel better. And it's just not fair to try and force someone to stay with you all the time when you feel bummed. You just have to learn to let go, open your hands, and step up to taking care of yourself sometimes.
Fortunately, this has been one of the many useful lessons of this period. I started out grasping at him, but having little joy to share, and I've ended up able to open up my hands and take responsibility for elevating my own mood. Now, I have a little more joy to give, and I am clinging to him a lot less.
And guess what? He wants to be around me more. ¡Que sorpresa!
And bonus: I feel stronger and better able to take care of myself now.
All around, it is a win-win.
no subject
Hi
I have a deb that lately has been doing the happy deb thing really Cherey.I think its pre mental pause.
the point is this no matter what he loves you he will stick by you no matter what!
Re: Hi
no subject
no subject