Feb. 9th, 2012

sabrinamari: (Flaming Genius)
Fast brain dump:

* Working with my trainer continues to make me stronger, increase my endurance, and lift my mood. I'm learning the first stage of a modified three-stage program he worked through with his Russian powerlifting coach when he trained for the Olympics.

Insights: I have much to learn, but I can keep up and adapt quickly. Years of weight training have given me a strong basic foundation in form, focus and basic mechanics. My endurance is picking up and I need to work on consistent follow-through.

My work in the gym is good.

* As time passes, the mud continues to settle in my mind, leaving a much clearer pool of water with which to work. It's funny how you can know this will happen, yet experience it with such surprise when it actually does. It's bringing me a big expansion of prajna, or clear vision, with which to evaluate my experiences. This is very helpful.

Secondary benefits: lessening of attachments, more objectivity and insight, expanded focus on myself and a greater trust in my own judgment and instincts, many of which were very good on first pass. Had I listened more closely to myself earlier on, much could have been avoided/improved. Yet I'm not beating myself up nearly as much about things any more.

This is especially good, since shame and self-denigration basically render a person useless, and I hate to imagine myself in that way. My first ambition is to be useful in the world---a good channel for the universe.

My work on myself is good.

* I'm starting to focus more and more on how I want to move forward and what I'm really interested in doing next. Training is a no-brainer, but I need to cultivate my own motivation and set up incentives for myself in order to keep showing up.

Working on my career is a no-brainer, but I need to think about exactly how I want to do that.

Expanding and deepening my relationship with Michael is a no-brainer, but I need to focus on what I want to bring to this relationship right now and exactly where I want to go with it.

Pointing myself truly towards my future feels good.

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sabrinamari

June 2012

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